Chris's article

Living with intent has been a popular buzz phrase lately. It means to do everything to the best of your ability and on purpose. Taking control of your life like this is not always easy, but it leads to a life you actually wanted rather than a life dealt to you by random circumstances. Within a relationship intent can benefit you in two ways. Not only can you create the relationship you truly desire, you can also more easily translate the actions of your lovers. When approaching living with intent one shouldn’t neglect to consider the intents of others. The ability to spot someone with ill intent toward you, or a person that has none of your best interests in mind, will save you from heaps of trouble. When you have multiple romantic partners, or members of your poly group or family, intent can be a little complicated at times. Here are some ways to keep yourself and your loved ones on the right track. 

Rejecting thougthless behavior is one of the most basic rules when dealing with anyone, lover or not. Treating others as you’d like to be treated is not a new concept. It’s one of the most enduring methods to build a better life we know. When you’re dating a potential new polyamorous lover, or dating a potential sister wife to join your polygamous family, it’s best to avoid anyone that seems to dismiss this golden rule. Yes, the catty comments or funny antics of someone with little consideration for others can be entertaining, but consider this behavior in a long term situation. Does this person truly have ill intentions or lack empathy? If they really are so apathetic, or selfish, one could never expect them to be a reliable partner or benefit to a family. Spotting this type will keep you from bad situations and further you along the path of living a happy life. 

Making it a point to avoid laziness every day is another way to live a life full of purpose. We all have those days we know absolutely nothing is going to get done. It’s human. Purposely minimizing those days will keep you much happier in life. Think about it. Those days are usually a result of questionable behavior. Drinking too much, staying up too late, not eating well, or spending too much energy on things that serve too small of a purpose. Wasting time leads to exponentially wasting more time. This all can lead to something far worse than just some unhappy days, it can eventually lead to depression. Polyamorous and polygamous people have a special advantage in having multiple partners to turn to for help. Never shy away from a conversation about wanting to find more purpose, or living with more intent, from a lover. Also don’t be too shy to discuss this with lovers about yourself. They can help you discover purpose, or maybe even join you on an endeavor that will give you both even more in life to share. 

The entire point of dating, whether its polygamy dating, poly dating, monogamous dating, or whatever you choose, is to seek more from life through a relationship with other people. Consider how unfortunate it can be when a person dates with no intent beyond finding anyone that will take them. This is why knowing ourselves, and being clear about our intentions, is so important. Too many people are marrying whomever makes them feel good rather than considering all of the forces that are bringing them together. Is this person helping you blossom in your career or are they getting your bills paid? Do they make your parents happy, or do they make you happy? It’s very easy to take the easy routes in life, but it also, most often, leads to a life of trouble finding your own purpose and voice. For existing couples or families it’s equally important to avoid these people. Don’t bring a woman into your family just because she wants to be a sister wife. Bring her in because she will make a great sister wife and will be a benefit to the family. It sounds a little crude, but in the long run it’s better for you and her both. Same goes for any poly groups or families. Watch out for people that are serving the wrong interests in their own life. 

Once your family or group are moving along nicely and everyone is living with the best intents they know of at their respective points in life, it’s important to focus on maintenance. People change, relationships evolve, and regular maintenance is not a thing to ignore. Waiting for a disaster instead of preventive care is never a good idea. It’s like waiting until the dishes are piled to the ceiling instead of cleaning as you go. You’ll want to just sell the house instead of all that cleaning. Keeping up with each others personal lives and monitoring each other a little can help everyone keep evolving in healthy ways. If you notice a sister wife or partner making the couch the center of their life maybe come up with a project you can both work on. Sometimes you can pull someone out of a slump without going into details they are processing in their own minds by just getting them to join you for something else. You could also annoy them, so be gentle. However, if a partner or sister wife starts to push everyone away, it’s time for some tough love. Inconsiderate and careless behavior can’t be accepted in any long term sense. Once a person starts showing you they have no good intentions with you, there are few choices. They can either get themselves back into a better mindset or they need to be on their way. The same goes for you. You don’t have to love everyone or everything all the time, but once you have nothing good to offer you need to figure out a different path in life. Good will and good intentions work hand in hand and are the result of a person making an effort to be their best. 

It’s far too easy to get in a slump. When all of your good efforts seem to be going nowhere it’s easy to assume nothing is worth it. Relationships that only fill a hole are easy to find and too many people seem content living in the private little hell they’ve built. When you commit to living with intent, and to helping your lovers do the same, you’ll find how easy it really can be. The imperfections in life become smaller, disappointment becomes a little speed bump, and your lovers can grow closer. Having a polygamous family, or polyamorous group, to lean on makes a life with purpose so much easier to attain it would be silly not to try. Keep your thoughts positive and pure, your actions full of purpose, and you’ll find the entire world around you will become a brighter place for you and all your loves to enjoy.    

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

It’s easy to imagine that a polyamorous person would have few limitations. The very act of being polyamorous suggests a person is open minded and enjoys a little adventure. For many in the poly community this rings true, but one should never assume anything when it comes to other people’s limitations or comfort zones. As much as we shouldn’t make assumptions about others, we should also not put ourselves into situations that bring unreasonable amounts of discomfort. Knowing your boundaries, and how they can be tested, is a key element in finding the right people to share yourself with in any kind of relationship. Approaching every situation being certain of who you are, and what you like, will keep you from being the timid type that never ends up with anything you really want. 

Before you start drawing lines in the sand, it’s important to remember that these lines are not to keep you from trying new things. They are simply areas you are certain would be outside of your comfort zone. It’s also important to remember that your comfort zones can change. Taking time to reassess your interests occasionally will keep you fresh and up to date with yourself. Part of being polyamorous is also understanding you cannot limit your partners because of your boundaries. You can discuss the standards everyone in the relationship would like to follow, but those standards should never come from a place of controlling or limiting your lovers. It’s better to be honest if you want lasting relationships, so don’t make any partner feel they can’t be truthful with you.  

Sometimes lines in the sand seem like they should naturally come with whatever territory your relationship is in. When in Rome you speak Italian, right? Not necessarily. There are hundreds of languages spoken in Rome. If you’re a woman that wants to become a sister wife it might seem obvious that you’d find a heterosexual man living with heterosexual sister wives. A man looking for a sister wife may have no idea he might find a bisexual woman. When you step back from the situation you’re in, it becomes easier to see how arbitrary assumptions can be. There is no reason to expect none of your sister wives to want sexual intimacy with each other. There is even less reason to discourage them from it. There is also no reason to discourage a man with sister wives from exploring feelings he may develop for another man. None of these things are a cause for tearing a happy polygamist family apart. In fact, they are all ways a family can help each other live fuller and happier lives! 

Typically, females have an easier time experimenting with homosexuality than males, or at least they’re more willing to discuss it. Many men maintain a hard line against any action they’d consider ‘homo.’ If those feelings do come up, even with a poly male that has always been a hard line hetero, it’s vitally important not to dismiss nor diminish the validity of those feelings. None of his girlfriends, or sister wives, should make him feel like less of a man for it, ever! That’s not love and support, that’s bullying. Forcing or coercing anyone to deny who they are, 100%, never leads to a good outcome. 

Beyond sexual boundaries there are countless lines in the sand people can impose on their relationships, polyamorous or not. Polyamory does not mean everyone involved can run around dating whoever, or always doing whatever they want! A lot of consideration goes into a polyamorous relationship’s limitations. While many poly people don’t want to impose limits on a lover, no limits or commitments can make relationships become pointless over time. It is possible to have a lover with zero boundaries, but for the sake of reducing anxiety alone, most people need some form of agreement and sacrifice that helps a relationship maintain a purpose. It’s better when two poly people that start dating already have an idea of what works for them rather than too much trial and error while trying to make it work. Making compromises is inevitable so be prepared to make your absolute boundaries clear while relenting on any soft boundaries you can. 

It’s difficult to express how important it is to not only stick to your lines in the sand, but also stay open to evolving them. Everyone enjoys their comfort zones. Many people enjoy their comfort zones way too much. Getting stuck in your comfort zone can cause as many problems as crossing boundaries too fast and hard. There is a balance we’d all do best to find. This is why forgiveness and understanding, lots of it, are both key factors in long lasting, healthy relationships. Accepting the imperfections of people, lovers and others, will prevent so many problems along your path. 

If it seems this article spent a little more time railing against ‘lines in the sand’ than helping find them, you’re right. A hard line against anything needs to come from a very real core feeling. It shouldn’t be there because society says it should, or because you’re scared of something new. In fact, if your polyamorous relationships aren’t helping you expand your views and possibilities, you might be doing something wrong. There is absolutely nothing wrong with embracing your very real limits, but there is everything wrong with doing it blindly out of fear or judgment. All of our relationships are about growth. Whether it be with your sister wives, your triad, your quad, or your open or closed poly family, you should be helping each other grow. Poly people should be the last to fear multiplying their love and experiencing new ways to love.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Finding time for yourself is an important part of a balanced life. Time for self reflection, soul searching, unwinding, and just enjoying who you are leads to being a more well-rounded and happy individual. Personal joy is such a huge part of interpersonal joy that the lack of it can lead to the destruction of your relationships, and eventually yourself. The modern world does little to encourage personal time. Paid time off from work is a rarity nowadays for the majority of Americans and there’s an odd expectation that we are constantly supposed to be there for everyone whenever needed. Boundaries are difficult to set without seeming rude, or even cold to some. Here’s something to remember, people that treat you this way need more time to themselves in the worst way. How do you do it? How do you find the time and express in words the need for ‘me time?’ How do you tell your polyamorous lovers you need time to yourself?

An early step is to detect the life leeches you know and figure out what boundaries you need so you are not drained by them. It’s easy to always want to help, and it’s a good way to be. Wanting to help is the way you should respond to real problems. Too many pleas for help are only pleas for attention in disguise. The sooner you learn how to detect bullshit and politely exit the room the better. If you find it’s one of your poly lovers, or a sister wife, it won’t be so easy to deflect, so you have to find ways to help them help themselves. Lover or not, you cannot solve all of another persons’ issues, especially when they’re essentially creating drama in order to gain your attention. Don’t ever feel bad for insisting that someone cannot take advantage of you, no matter who they are in your life. 

Say you’re a woman in a polygamous family and your husband has been looking for a new sister wife to grow the family. A new sister wife is supposed to be a benefit, a positive influence on an already happy home. Sometimes a polygamous man can have a little trouble seeing past a pretty face and sweet demeanor. You, as a sister wife, and someone who loves your husband and other sister wives, should never be afraid of pointing out fears that a particular woman would require too much from the family without giving enough back. If she is the type to always require everyone's attention and wants too much of everyone's time it may be best for the family to move along. Anyone that takes an excessive amount from you will never be worth the sacrifice. No matter what your poly lifestyle consists of, finding poly lovers that understand a healthy level of give and take is vital to any relationships success.

Once you’ve avoided or addressed time leech issues in your relationships you can move on to ways to make time for yourself. It should go without saying that words like “I don’t want you to come with me, you’re not invited,” or “leave me alone” come from a negative and destructive place. These are expressions you don’t use against someone you claim to love. They’re also quite childish. Learning to communicate with positive terms, and not like a petulant child, will serve you well in all areas of life. “I feel like I need an evening to myself, Do you mind if I have a little space,” or “I think I’ll sit this one out, you go have fun” get the point across in ways that aren’t hurtful and don’t express any frustration with others when it’s you wanting ‘me time.’ The old rule of do unto others as you would have them do unto you fits here. Express yourself in ways you’d like to be spoken to. 

Becoming suddenly excessive about wanting ‘me time’ is a big red flag. Don’t plan a week-long vacation by yourself, unless it’s your normal thing, and not expect your partners to find it strange and alarming. Women become sister wives to enjoy a happy family, not to deal with an erratic husband that plans random long vacations because he doesn’t want to be around them. Nobody is in a polyamorous relationship so they can behave in weird and selfish ways that leave everyone constantly on edge. If you feel the need to push your lovers away, or not be around them for long periods of time, it’s not ‘me time’ you’re searching for. You need to dig into your feelings with your lovers and figure out the problem. ‘Me time’ is evenings, maybe some weekends, to yourself while you enjoy your unique interests or have time for self reflection. That’s the idea of it anyway. Everyone is unique and your partners should have a decent expectation of what is normal for you. Don’t jump too far outside of your normal behaviors and not expect any concern from your lovers. 

Set an expectation for everyone in your relationships to have time for themselves. It’s so easy to get trapped in a daily routine and forget who we are. Our unique selves get buried in the expectations of a busy and impersonal world. Making ‘me time’ something you and your lovers encourage each other to enjoy will keep all of you healthier and happier. This will make your relationships far more fulfilling than those involving people that aren’t even aware of who they are any more. Loving someone means you should always help them be their best selves. 

We accuse each other of being selfish far too much these days. It’s better to let people take the time they need without judging them for it. We don’t know what they’re going through, and we don’t know when we’re going to need more time to focus on ourselves too. It’s difficult when it’s a lover that needs some space, but even more important to give it to them. Take advantage of it by embracing ‘me time’ for yourself too. Quite often, the more space you allow leads to less space needed. As amazing as polygamous and polyamorous relationships are, they naturally require a lot of your attention. Multiplying love means you have a lot of love to maintain. You’re all in it to love each other, not to suffocate each other. Set each other free, sometimes, and enjoy the strength your love will discover. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Polygamy dating, along with any polyamorous dating, will expose you to an enormous diversity of people. Getting to know so many different backgrounds and cultures on an intimate level is just one of the rewards of a polyamorous lifestyle. Learning about all the different approaches a person can take toward relationships is yet another bonus that may even convince you to evolve and expand your own ideas about relationships. For anyone that has been dating in the polygamous or polyamorous world a while, the wealth of experience is invaluable. There will be times, however, you will meet a poly virgin. This is someone that is new to any concept of a plural relationship and they’ll be lacking much understanding about how it works. A lot of experienced people, understandably, won’t date someone so new. There are risks of dealing with dramas and hang ups that more experienced poly people wouldn’t think of. If you do choose to date a poly virgin, here are some things to keep in mind. 

Hope for the best, but be prepared for the worst. There’s no reason to believe there is no chance of the relationship going anywhere, but there is every reason to be prepared for the end. When a woman is first in the process of becoming a sister wife, it should only be expected she will take some time to really know herself well enough to know what she wants from a polygamist family. Same for anyone that is fresh to any form of a polyamorous relationship. It takes time and consideration for a person to know themselves well enough to have a good chance to make a plural relationship last. Accepting their flaws and shortcomings will keep you both happier for the duration of your involvement. 

Don’t be afraid to remain direct about what you expect, and to coach a poly virgin a little. This is not to suggest you treat someone with no interest in being submissive like a sub. It’s about reminding yourself you were once new to the experience and should know enough to provide solid advice about self discovery. Polyamory is about multiplying love in the world, not about enforcing your own agendas. You’ll have to take the lead and know when to call it quits if you realize your poly virgin is not right for you and they simply don’t see it like you do. Be clear, be direct, be kind, and offer your continued support, as a friend, on their journey. As they evolve they’ll understand your reasons and will appreciate you for pushing them to grow. If they circle back and have grown into someone right for you in time, go for it! Embracing the ebb and flow of life and love is a big key to long term happiness. 

Be consistent about reinforcing the polyamorous aspect of the relationship. A person that is new to poly or polygamy dating might slip back into their old monogamous mindset very easily if allowed. There is no need to be crude, but it is very important that you discuss other love interests, partners, or dates you’ve been on regularly. You may even want to make sure a sister wife comes on some of the dates with you, or another of your partners if you’re polyamorous. Keeping the poly virgin from developing monogamous desires for you will save you both a heap of trouble. If they do start to express a desire to claim you as their own, be gentle, but end the relationship. Some people are only trying poly or polygamy dating because nothing else is working. Don’t fall victim to a person that’s only desperate for any kind of relationship they can find. You’ll both grow old and miserable because they refuse to take control of their own life and goals. You’ll constantly feel guilty if you continue dating others while knowing you’re hurting someone you claim to love. It will never work, get away.

Don’t forget about your own evolution. There are expectations attached to any kind of relationship. Polygamists generally expect a more traditional family living situation, polyamorous people often still have a gender preference, and trying to have an intimate relationship with almost everyone you know would be absurd. There are limits! Nothing in life comes without expectations. However, you can meet expectations and still be evolving while encouraging your lovers to evolve as well. Just because you consider yourself traditional, and find a sister wife that is perfect for you and your family, doesn’t mean you should limit her interests with your other sister wives. If your sister wives express an intimate interest in each other, why would you limit them from it? If they become involved it only means your family is growing closer to each other. Let them grow. If you’re a polyamorous couple and your boyfriend expresses an interest in a man, why would you say no? Having multiple people of the same gender involved in a poly relationship only makes sense, and it should be allowed for both genders. Just as you should encourage a poly virgin to find themselves, and follow their hearts, you should also encourage your lovers to grow toward whatever it is that makes them whole. If this makes you uncomfortable, there are people out there that will agree with you, but developing resentment because of a little discomfort over something new isn’t a healthy way to live. 

Ultimately, everyone in the polygamous and polyamorous world needs to help each other be the best and happiest they can be. Approaching each other with compassion, self awareness, empathy, and respect will never lead anyone down the wrong path. Everyone was a virgin somewhere along the way. Think back to the people that helped you most and emulate them today. Think back about what you needed from people along your journey and be that for someone else. You can be bold, direct, and clear about who you are, and what you want, without losing a sense of humility and respect for others. Teaching a poly virgin how to be their best self is a gift that will keep on giving.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

The polyamorous world allows for endless definitions of relationships. When people allow themselves to explore the connections and lifestyles they most identify with, they find a level of pure joy most will never begin to understand. Removing petty societal norms from your views and following your heart let’s you find your unique sources of joy in life to explore. An early discovery on the journey into polyamory will be the huge variety of options. It’s far too easy to end up with partners that don’t really suit your real desires if you haven’t explored what you want, or what you might find, ahead of the journey. Here are some terms and descriptions that can be used as a primer as you explore who you are and what relationships mean to you. 

Polyamory

Let’s start at the beginning. Polyamory breaks down to poly: many, and amory: love. It literally means to love many and the reference is to romantic love. In order to adopt a polyamorous lifestyle one must be capable of loving more than one person while allowing each of them to love more than just yourself, if they choose to. As mentioned before, relationships involving more than one lover come in many forms, so let’s move on to the next term.  

Non-Monogamy

The assumption here is that a polyamorous person wishes to practice only ‘ethical non-monogamy’ because otherwise they are simpy cheating. If you have no desire to be ethical in your relationships it’s likely you’re not even polyamorous. Polyamory infers some level of commitment to lovers, but we’ll get back to that later. A non-monogamous relationship can mean multiple partners enjoy a life with only each other, people that enjoy being swingers, open relationships, a don’t ask don’t tell policy, or whatever a group or couple of partners have decided works for them. The key to these relationships is honesty. Everyone involved needs to be straight forward about the things they enjoy sexually and romantically so that fair ground rules can be set which keep everyone happy and safe within the relationship. Multiple partners should never mean zero commitment to them all. We are responsible to bring all of our lovers joy, not heartache.  

Triad, Quad, Triangle

Not all love triangles have to be a bad thing! Everyone within a polyamorous situation doesn’t have to be dating each other. In fact, if the world were more honest, viewing love triangles as a healthy and normal option would save a lot of heartache in the world. The scenario where a man’s wife finds his best friend attractive, has a few drinks, and ends up sleeping with him (or her) is not uncommon. Same goes for that husband having an interest in sleeping with that best friends’ spouse. If they understood that polyamory was an option they could enjoy an even closer bond with each other and maintain their marriages as they are. Polyamory doesn’t mean you all need to live under the same roof or treat your relationship with every partner like a marriage.  

A triad or quad are simply terms to define relationships involving three (triad) or four (quad) people. Generally, these three or four people will share a relationship that is closer than people in a triangle that are not dating each other, but the level of commitment is determined by those involved. Triads and quads often live together and function very similar to traditional monogamous couples. They can choose to bring as many people as they’d like into the relationship, although it can become more difficult to find partners everyone is interested in as the relationship grows larger.  

Nesting Partner

Nesting partner/s refers to the choice of living together or separate from your partner/s. Consider the triangle mentioned before. The married couple that lives together would be considered nesting partners while the best friend that also has a relationship with the husbands’ wife, but lives elsewhere, would be her non-nesting 

partner. A lot of people in relationships choose to take advantage of the financial benefits of sharing a home but that isn’t the only option. Some people prefer living alone or only with certain others. Some people don’t mix well living together but make great lovers otherwise. You may be surprised to discover how much you enjoy living alone. If you have the means to do so, go for it! More relationships could benefit from living apart than people would like to admit.  

Polygamy/Polyandry

Polygamy and Polyandry refer to having multiple spouses. Polygamy refers to a man with multiple wives while polyandry refers to a woman with multiple husbands. Considering the fact that maintaining more than one marriage is illegal in most places, the labels of wife and husband are typically used only in a symbolic manner. Polygamy and polyandry have been growing in popularity along with polyamory as they are very similar concepts. Polygamy dating and polygamous lifestyles are even featured on multiple television series like ‘Sister Wives’ and ‘Seeking Sister Wife.’ This lifestyle is evolving right along with polyamory as well. Sister wives can approach relationships with each other now, unlike the more strict history polygamous families experienced. Brother husbands can be a thing as well and they can also be intimate with each other if they choose to be. The terms polygamy and polyandry today typically reference a more traditional approach to modern plural relationships, aka, polyamorous relationships.  

Relationship Anarchy

Relationship Anarchy is a newer term that refers to a lack of pre-set rules. This lack of rules does not refer to no rules within your relationships, rather it means no pre-set rules to follow entering relationships. The idea is to approach each relationship in whatever unique way it works best. Two people can figure out their own rules once they start dating each other. This sounds a little like going back to square one but having explored the multiple options for polyamorous relationships you might find more than one situation would work for you. This anarchy approach is a great way to leave your options open, and to keep an open mind.  

An article covering every term and aspect of polyamory would take months to write. It’s an ever evolving world where good people are exploring the beauty love makes possible in countless ways. There is absolutely nothing wrong with good ‘ole monogamy, but there is everything wrong with enforcing it as the only moral option. Whether you’re seeking a sister wife, looking for a third, dating five people, planning on an exciting quad, or wondering how to express feelings you can’t avoid toward someone already in a relationship, there are morally sound ways to approach everything. Don’t lie, don’t cheat, and don’t steal. Polyamory is a path to being our best selves, and to multiplying love in our world.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

All people and all relationships need nourishment to survive. Just like our bodies, our relationships will show signs of ‘hunger’ and ‘thirst’ when needs aren’t being met. Polygamous and polyamorous relationships are no different in having needs to be met, but they are unique in the ways to be fulfilled. The variety of ways poly individuals refuel might require some discussion, and some understanding, but their core relationships will find many needs are the same. Keeping up with each other can be difficult but developing a few behaviors, or habits, can help prevent anyone from straying too far from the common purpose you share. 

For polygamous families it might sometimes feel they are always dating. Polygamy dating is a process that requires a lot of attention. Looking for a sister wife to join your family means considering the needs of multiple people. An existing sister wife is justified in her feelings when it seems a prospective sister wife is getting the majority of attention. She probably is. This is especially true if everyone in the existing family doesn’t feel they are part of the dating process. It’s easy to assume the husband, as in many polygamous families, should be the one that will choose a new sister wife, but involving current sister wives will keep them from feeling left out and starved of the love family should be providing them. Letting go of the strict concept of patriarchal leadership in a family, even a little, will go a long way in keeping everyone in the family happy and fulfilled. In fact, one has to question a man’s leadership if he insists on full control over decisions that affect everyone involved. Listening to women and involving them in important decisions is not feminism. It’s how you show love and respect. 

Polyamorous relationships have similar struggles. The concept of eternally dating is not easy to handle every waking moment of your life. There will be times you wish your partner would just focus on the relationship and stop bringing new elements into a situation you feel needs more attention. Involving your partner/s with your dates could also be a solution here, but if your current relationship is not doing well it may be time to give dating a break. This goes for polygamous people too. This may sound absurd because your relationship is polyamorous and always has been, but if you can’t prioritize your core lovers over new prospects, why are they your core lovers? This can be a tough balance because you also shouldn’t stop your poly lover from dating just because you aren’t ‘feeling it’ this week. Don’t be frivolous. Don’t change the rules over silly things like a personal dry spell or unfounded jealousy. Instead, determining days for only each other can assure your relationship isn’t being neglected. Even if you end up bringing dates along, knowing you’ll have specific times guaranteed for each other gives your relationship more purpose and keeps it nourished. 

Don’t neglect significant times in your relationship and never underestimate the power of a loving gesture. Anniversaries and other important dates are not something to be ignored. They represent the history you’ve built together. Making a huge ordeal out of them is just stressful for everyone, but finding simple ways to acknowledge them is sure to keep them alive as refreshing reminders of your love. An elegant dinner, a thoughtful little gift, or a charming day trip will go a lot further in nurturing your love for each other than any big events or actions. The beauty of polyamory is that polyamorous people have so much love to give. Sharing that love with intent through thoughtful gestures and actions will keep your partner/s happy, and yourself as well. While celebrating the big moments in your relationships is important, don’t forget the positive impact that everyday actions can have. Little reminders of your love for each other never get old and always warm hearts.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily grind and neglect important behaviors that will keep you happy and healthy. Think about how easy it is to find a cheap drive thru for a burger instead of taking the time to prepare a fresh and healthy meal at home. One of these things will eventually cause serious problems if you do it all the time. The other will never cause anything but good health and a better life overall. Living with intent is important and it applies to relationships as well. Try to stop doing anything that isn’t on purpose in your life and with your lovers. The excitement of a new polyamorous lover can quickly turn into a painful experience for another lover if they aren’t certain where they stand, or who they are to you. Being poly means you love more than one person, not that you use them until you’re tired of them then move on to another. Don’t be a sleeze. Love with intent and take your lovers emotional health seriously. 

If this is making relationships sound like too much work, you might be correct. They take a lot of work sometimes to maintain in a healthy and productive way. If this is work you have no desire to do it’s best to avoid relationships rather than pretending you ever want one. There is nothing wrong with staying single as long as anyone you date is aware of where you stand. Dating is usually in pursuit of something more serious so be clear from the start that you have no intentions beyond dating. The polyamorous world can make room for this if you find the right people and are always truthful. 

For most people the work is well worth it. Being part of a big, beautiful, polygamous family is a rewarding life that will pay someone back for their efforts exponentially. Same for successful polyamorous groups or families. Giving and receiving so much love all the time offers a life many can only dream of. Whatever your family or love life looks like. Take the time and make the effort to nurture your love. You’ll never regret making your partner/s happy every day you get to enjoy them in your life. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

The summer season is full of important social events. Weddings, fundraisers, community barbeques, cook-offs, and more. The toasty warm weather makes everyone wants to be out and about. Going public about your polygamous family is a huge step that must be approached with care. Your family or community may not be as accepting as you’d hope so being prepared for any reaction is vital to a successful reveal. Before picking your outfits and loading up for the ride to the event of the season, you need to figure out how much is appropriate to reveal, and if such an event is even the right place to start. Being the ‘talk of the town’ is probably not a desired outcome, and the nature of your family and love life is not necessarily anyone else’s business. Here are some things to consider. 

There is power in numbers. Inviting supportive friends or other polygamous families will make sure you and your family don’t feel alone. It will also reduce the notion that your family is so unusual. Unfortunately, responding with fear to something unfamiliar is a very human trait. It’s a powerful survival mechanism but isn’t always easy to shut off, even when you’re perfectly safe. Those that are unfamiliar seeing polygamous people, and their friends, socializing and enjoying themselves just like everyone else will help normalize the idea in their minds. You may not win everyone over. Some people enjoy their limited scope on life and there is nothing you can do about it. Being able to avoid those people and having friends and family near will minimize the effect of those that will never respect you. 

If you’re in an incredibly conservative community you may have to be more creative. Ultimately, what goes on behind closed doors, and the relationships that work for you, are your business. You are not obligated to explain anything to people outside of your home or relationships. It’s not the best way to live, but there are situations where being too open will cause more harm than good. So how do you attend a summer social event with all of your sister wives, or whatever you wish to call all of your partners? There is nothing wrong with ‘living with good friends,’ and there is no lie in that either. Let people wonder. Whatever simple answer you can give, then move the conversation along, can prevent people from digging too much into your private life. Eventually, ideally, you can reveal the truth with your family and/or community, but we don’t live in an ideal world. Your continued success, safety, and happiness are more important than other people knowing your personal business. 

Maintaining healthy boundaries is huge when you’re a polygamist. If you’re looking for a sister wife to join your family you can’t look just anywhere. A summer social event might not be the best place to approach a woman about becoming a sister wife. Most often the risks associated with looking for a polygamy related date at a community event will outweigh any possible benefits, however, inviting a new friend to join your family for dinner wouldn’t be out of the question. If you are interested in someone be sure to gauge your language appropriately and read their responses carefully. The last thing you want is a person simply being polite while they’re horribly uncomfortable and trying to get away from you. Don’t be a creep. Everyone has boundaries. Knowing and respecting boundaries will save you from embarrassment and regret in any situation. 

Be politely fearless. It may sound weird after talking about avoiding regret, and keeping personal information to yourself in certain situations, but being politely fearless might be the most important key to social success. Living fearlessly is about confidence and not needing the approval of others. Rising above the need for approval means you have no concern for what others might think of you. It also means you fully understand that your personal life is none of their business. You won’t be handing over power by giving information to the wrong people. When someone starts digging, or judging, you can find the finesse to change the conversation seamlessly without experiencing any of their intended negative effect.

Have fun! Polygamy dating, finding sister wives, looking for polyamorous dates, or any relationship oriented quest is not out of the question at a community event, but these things are not the actual purpose. Needless to say, they are not the purpose of a family event either, but that’s a different paper altogether. If you allow yourself to focus on building social connections with your community you’ll find the rewards will be well worth the effort for you and your lovers. There are multiple characteristics that make us individuals. Sharing the characteristics that make you a positive force in your community gives you the opportunity to help shape the community into one of acceptance and support for those that don’t follow the traditional path of a nuclear and/or hetero-normative family. 

The summer social, in whatever forms they occur, is an anxiety inducing event for most of the people attending. It’s a time to learn about the world you live in and make connections to improve your quality of life, as well as the quality of your community. Handling these social events with wit and grace will empower you and help you make the world just a little better, at least. Be the person you’ve always needed around new people. Say hello first. Your polygamist or polyamorous home and family life should have no bearing on your position in the community, or the opinions of others. Knowing you and your loved ones are prepared for whatever may come lets you drop any guards and simply enjoy the world you live in.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

One amazing thing about humans is that we are all unique. You may find people with a lot in common, but barring an insanely identical twin, you are different in plenty of ways. Being the only you is an amazing thing. The contributions you offer to people around you, along with everything they bring to the table, can create a life that’s rewarding and full of pure bliss. If you’re fortunate enough to have an interest in the polyamorous or polygamous life you are probably pretty well in tune with your unique self. However, even the most confident among us should ask ourselves a few questions once in a while to make sure we’re on the right path. Here are four questions to consider that will help you find and maintain your poly groove. 

What does your perfect life look like?

Keep in mind that part of life is accepting realities that cannot be changed and making reasonable compromises in order to achieve a functional existence. That being said, there is nothing wrong with dreaming about perfection. Taking time to consider the things that would make your life feel the most complete will help with staying on the right track. Polygamy Dating or polyamorous dating are both complicated processes that you’ll need to know yourself well to navigate. A woman that wants to be a sister wife shouldn’t date a polyamorous person with no interest in building a family or committing to a relationship. A man that wants sister wives should make that clear to women he approaches for dates. Having an idea of your end goals, and sharing them freely, makes sure the people you pursue have similar desires in mind. 

What are your true main priorities?

It’s worth repeating that in life you will have to make compromises. Harsh realities cannot be avoided, however, there are concessions you should never accept. Beyond the idea of what you imagine to be your perfect life are key elements that make you the person you are. A person that knows they are a polygamist at heart should not attempt to entertain a monogamous marriage. Even though you may find great success in committing to the concept of ‘one man with one woman’ there will always be a part of you longing for more. If you know you’re incapable of committing to any relationship at all there are ways for you to date, and enjoy a love life, without hurting someone you claim to love. Accepting your real self and embracing the core elements that make you you, without compromise, will save you and people you care about a lot of time and trouble. There is no recipe for basic morality greater than honesty, integrity, and causing no harm. You can rest assured that you will find others like yourself, and can lead a very happy life, no matter what drives your sexual and emotional desires. 

What are your red flags?

You can be cruising along enjoying dates with other polygamists or poly people and fail to see red flags if you haven’t thought ahead about them. One ill-conceived relationship can ruin your poly dating life, or life overall, for indefinite amounts of time. Knowing your red flags and how to spot them is crucial to protecting yourself from life leeches or desperate people that will say or do anything for a relationship. Figure out the questions and topics that need to come up while dating in order for you to gauge people. Testing for red flags should happen as soon as possible with every new person you meet. It’s much easier to end involvement with someone early rather than when feelings have had time to develop. Don’t be desperate. Your body, mind, and soul, and maybe even your bank account, will thank you for avoiding relationship disasters. Sorry, red flags fall under the ‘no compromise’ category. 

What improvements can you make for yourself?

Being good to ourselves and finding ways to be the best person you can be should always come first. Wanting to love others and build lives with them is a wonderful thing, but making sure you have enough to offer is the first step. This isn’t referring to being wealthy or perfect in any way. It’s about knowing who you are so you’re aware of what you bring to the table. What talents can you develop? What activities get you excited? What subjects can you dive into that motivate your mind to learn and grow? Being a whole and self aware person needs to be the first goal for anyone interested in polygamy dating, or any polymorous way of life. Becoming a sister wife is not as easy as 1, 2, 3. There will be tough moments and you’ll face some vicious opposition that will require a strong mind and sense of self. A poly or polygamous man will face some especially harsh criticism. Accusations of being a womanizer, or of having an inability to commit and be a good man, don’t fall easy on the ears. You don’t work on yourself just to find a relationship. You do it to prepare yourself to find good relationships and maximize your contributions to them no matter what adversity you might face.

Whether you’re looking for a new sister wife to join your family, a woman or husband to start a polygamous family, people to join or begin a loving polyamorous group or family, or just to get out and go on dates it’s important to be your best self and know what you’re looking for. Mulling over these four questions from time to time will guide you to a better dating and love life. It sounds weird, maybe selfish, to believe working on yourself is more important than working on your relationships but it’s absolutely true. You can’t be good to someone else if you don’t even know who you are or what you really want. Sure, you can get by and maybe even maintain a love life, but you won’t thrive. Being polyamorous reveals a desire to thrive. A desire for a big polygamous family shows you’re a person that wants more than a mundane existence. Take a little time to look inside and your focus will adjust for a clearer view outside too. Don’t let anyone mess with your poly groove.  

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

Psychologists have recently had a lot to say about polyamory. Some are claiming it has no specific benefits beyond those of a monogamous relationship, some say there are some benefits, and others even claim it’s a sign of mental illness (it’s not). Claiming polyamory is a result of mental illness clearly comes from people with ulterior motives and lackluster educations, but it’s also silly to discount the real benefits people in both the polyamory and polygamy world enjoy. All relationships come with their ups and downs. Monogamous relationships make the down times more difficult because a person can feel extremely limited or defenseless when it’s them alone against their partner. Involving more people in your intimate life opens doors for more self expression, greater honesty, and a deeper understanding of yourself and everyone involved. These massive benefits should not be ignored.

Polygamist families are a perfect example to show the mental health benefits of a plural relationship. Sister wives may all love their husband very much, but at times will feel like they can’t even look at his face. It’s natural for lovers to have moments where they disgust each other. When a woman becomes a sister wife she is joining a family that provides not only a husband to love and adore, but sister wives to vent her frustrations with when he’s pushing her buttons. If there are major issues that need to be addressed with the husband a sister wife doesn’t have to feel alone in her approach. Too many issues are left lingering in monogamous situations because everyone is simply trying to not rock the boat. Talking to someone about a problem you have with them is not so easy when you have to do it alone. 

This flows right into another benefit. Less time feeling lonely. When a polygamous man finds a new sister wife he is introducing her into his already active family. She can choose to work or help take care of the home without fear of long days spent alone if she chooses the latter. She has multiple companions to enjoy. A sister wife can focus on how she can best contribute to her family and have plenty of time for personal development as well. She doesn’t have to be the sole source of care and affection for a man.

Speaking of ‘sole source’ opens a whole new range of benefits from a polyamorous life. Anytime a person feels the pressure of being another persons’ ‘everything’ it creates an enormous amount of pressure. In trying to be everything for a person it’s very easy to lose yourself and end up not having much to offer them at all. At least not in a genuine and healthy way. People fall in love because they love a unique individual. Evolving for each other is inevitable but when you involve more than one person in your love life everyone can actually evolve to be closer while staying more true to themselves as well. Knowing yourself well, and being yourself, makes you a better lover, and a better person overall.

All of these things that help make people better and more honest lead to mental well-being and happier lives. Your life expectancy will increase, your physical health with benefit, your ability to produce more good in the world will strengthen, and even your financial situation can benefit from the positivity inside you. A well tended polyamorous relationship can make your life exponentially better over time. The boost in mental health has no limits. 

Naysayers will always be around. Avoiding them is impossible. A refreshing lack of concern about their judgments, and the positive light you can shine into their darkness, is yet another benefit of a poly life. There is strength in numbers. The confidence you’ll find when you have a big happy home full of love goes beyond valuable. Life is tough. Having a big team that loves you unconditionally, and with whom you can share deep compassion, will make the harder times in life melt away. I can’t imagine something more inspiring than having a few sister wives that will fight as hard for you as you’d fight for yourself. Add a loving husband on top of that and you’re unstoppable. Any psychologist claiming polyamorous or polygamous families are a result of mental illness, or are of no mental health benefit to anyone, can safely be dismissed from your reality. 

If you are not currently involved in polyamorous or polygamy dating because you’ve been on the fence about it, consider giving it a try. Looking into becoming a sister wife doesn’t mean you have to become one. Chatting with potential poly dates or groups online doesn’t commit you to anything. One thing experts certainly have correct is that neither monogamy, nor polyamory, are right for everyone. Part of developing yourself is the willingness to explore and find what’s right for you. If you’re reading this article, chances are you have an interest in polygamy, or at least polyamory. The very real mental health benefits are practically guaranteed for people that are truly built to handle the ups and downs of plural relationships. Don’t dive in too quickly believing polyamory is good for everyone. Forcing yourself into situations that don’t really suit you can have a horrible effect on your overall well-being. Take your time, explore, stay in touch with yourself, and don’t be afraid to tell your potential lovers exactly what you’re looking for. Healthy relationships, plural or not, start with people in generally good mental health. The added mental health benefits come from the love and support you provide each other as you build your lives together. All love is good love. Go find the life and love that’s right for you.  

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com

American society is heavily steeped in traditional marriage and the concept of a ‘nuclear family.’ This is odd when considering the number of unique families far outweighs the number of what is perceived as ‘normal’ families. Families come in all shapes and sizes. Many unique families were made possible by the dedication of admirable individuals that didn’t have to take on the responsibility of raising someone else’s child. Even so, some people that have had the great fortune of finding a good marriage, having healthy children, and finding decent work like to pretend they have accomplished moral superiority instead of feeling appreciation and humility. Humility is too rare, unfortunately. These folks will often gladly let you know your family is less worthy because it’s ‘flawed’ or looks different, or you’ll at least see this through their fake smiles. There’s a beautiful irony in this that polygamous and polyamorous people can embrace. While struggling is never fun, and inventing your own family based on your true self isn’t easy, it provides insight and enlightenment that those who’ve had it too easy will never understand. Consider these few things next time you feel judged, and embrace the compassion and pity you feel for the poor souls that have no idea who they really are.

Let’s start with a woman that wants to be a sister wife. Even as she steps into the complicated world of polygamy dating, which is enough pressure alone, she might have family and friends turning their backs on her. She might have to face most of the journey to find her polygamist family alone. That means no phone calls with girlfriends to talk about her struggles, no family to show her unconditional support, possibly no community around her where she can be herself and take time to let everything go. When you’ve decided to embrace who you really are, and play by your own rules, it might mean losing everything before gaining all of who you are. It’s a journey that breaks a lot of people. Finding others like yourself will ease the struggle and help make sure you stay on your correct path. Loneliness can be overwhelming and lead to compromises that shouldn’t be made. Your new community doesn’t have to be other women that are, or want to be, sister wives. People that choose to live outside of societal ‘norms’ can all help each other. The friendships you build along the way can be deeper and more enduring than you imagined possible. 

A man that wants to be a polygamist husband faces particularly harsh judgment from people that oppose the idea. Other men often stay away from a man that is looking for sister wives. Building a polygamist family is a concept they’re scared of. Women may accuse a man seeking sister wives of being a misogynist even if he’s a huge supporter of feminism. A few bad apples have painted polygamy in a bad light and a polygamist man will be all too aware of the negative views out there. Without sounding like polygamists should be too apologetic about people in the past they don’t even know, a little public good goes a long way. Volunteering in your community, helping neighbors every chance you get, sacrificing your Thanksgiving dinner to go work at a soup kitchen, etc… This is not to pay any kind of penance. This is to challenge the haters. Give them something to talk about. As you build your family the ability to add even more good to the world will grow with it. Leading by example is a concept that’s been lost on too many men today, and it’s a concept polygamous men will benefit from. Your future sister wives will admire you for it and your community will discover your family is invaluable to them. 

While polygamous families may often (not always) stick to a few traditional concepts sexually, polyamorous families or groups introduce a vast array of possibilities. Polyamorous people face scrutiny from a public that believes they pose a threat to marriage as we know it. This is hilarious when considering a ‘monogamous’ heterosexual can be on their fifth marriage and still speak out against polyamorous relationships. It’s as though people hate the idea of everyone not being under legal constraints. Preposterous! Right? The good news is that polyamory is becoming more common and it’s finding inclusion with the LGBTQ+ community. Pride today has far more to do with embracing yourself for exactly who you are (homo or not), without shame, and with no respect for the judgment of others. Parades may not be your thing, but being part of a community that promotes diversity will open your eyes to beauty and life (and fun) you won’t soon forget. 

There’s a strange tendency in humans to tear others down when they seem happier than us. The same oddity arises when we see someone that’s different from us. We may never understand why, but it must stem from a sort of survival mechanism that belongs back in the stone age. The choice to be your unique self will not be easy. Once you start crossing boundaries the world has set around you the backlash will be quick. Being prepared mentally and spiritually for your journey will make it a beautiful time in your life. As long as you know you’re being true to yourself, don’t give in to the pressures people will gladly put on you. It’s your life and your love. The people you share yourself with, and how much you want to share, is up to you. The relationships you want to invest in are your choice. Don’t hand your happiness off to others that have no real interest beyond securing their own. 

Happy Independence Day! Celebrate it your way.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc: Sisterwives.com