Chris's article

Life throws new things at you constantly. Some good, some bad, but often surprises you’d never expect. Handling excitement with a little restraint, and disappointment with grace, is an art form people must learn if they want to be happy as they grow older. One of the most tempering factors a person can trust is to be surrounded by people that love them. Polygamous families or groups are incredibly fortunate to be inundated with multiple sources of love. Plenty of shoulders to lean on, people to share affection with, or even minds to pick for advice means the support a polygamist is privy to has them far ahead in the game of life. Maybe polygamy faces so much scrutiny because non-polygamists know this and resent it?

When a man is looking for a sister wife, or a woman is looking to date a polygamist, they are far less limited in options than the average monogamous person. If a woman is interested in a man that already has a wife it doesn’t mean they cannot explore their feelings together. If a woman is with a man already she maintains the option to explore polyandry. Polygamy allows people in relationships more control of their destiny together. Feelings of resentment are easier to avoid because the level of honesty involved, and the ability to set your own unique rules, keeps your love growing and evolving together. The arbitrary limitations of typical monogamous relationships aren’t there to force polygamists into boxes that feel like traps.

While polygamy is essentially a form of polyamory they differ in some key factors. Polyamory can often mean a complete absence of commitment and no desire for any long term relationships. People interested in polygamy dating are looking for long term relationships, and eventually devotion to a group or family. While polyamory certainly also has its perks, the fidelity still inherent in polygamy brings the comfort of a more traditional family life and love into the equation. This may be something some people don’t want, but there is no denying the benefits that are gained from a loving home. 

Day to day life in a family with multiple adults is a glaring bonus. Sharing household responsibilities and financial burdens among five grown-ups is a lot easier than tackling life on your own, or with just one partner. The loss of one job in a household with four other sources of income can be almost unnoticeable for many polygamist families. This isn’t necessarily untrue for polyamorous people, so it may be a perk many of them also enjoy, however, polygamous groups tend to have a more ‘all-in’ attitude. Polyamory often involves a couple only dating others with no desire for anything long term, or an individual remaining single and only ever dating with no strings attached. Polygamy is about building a household, or at least a group, with intentions of staying together until the end. Polygamy is arguably a better choice because it offers permanence, and the stability of knowing you won’t be left out in the cold when life throws a curve-ball. 

The best times for a polygamist group or family are, of course, when everything is going well. Dinner tables surrounded by people that are committed to each others happiness. Holidays with a house full of just your family celebrating the life and joy you share. The joy on the face of a new sister wife being welcomed into the family. A life so full of real bliss results in good things, and good things lead to more good things. The access to so much love and support polygamy offers means everyone involved will have the ability to exponentially produce more good. Polygamy can literally help people make the world a better place!

It’s not always easy to live our best lives. Negativity can build up so easily and people sometimes can’t find their way back to happiness. Through no fault of your own, the world can cave in so hard there is no way to recover. The quality of life polygamy provides can stop the world from caving in and draw out the negativity before it digs too deep. Beyond the day to day fun polygamists enjoy, and the freedom to live as you choose, are some very real advantages that protect you inside and out. Even if you’ve always leaned more into polyamory, you shouldn’t ignore the possibility that polygamy could answer any dilemmas you’re struggling with. Polygamous love can be expressed in many shapes and forms and you won’t regret finding how you can fit in. Building a family or group based on a deep love for one another lifts you up and supports living your best life, and anything helping keep your life 100% is a beautiful thing.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

The recent Netflix hit ‘Tidying Up’ with Marie Kondo started a trend of mindfully cleaning up our spaces and lives. Humor about considering all the items around us and keeping only those that bring joy has found its way into modern comedy, it’s a funny idea, but it remains an incredible tool for polishing up our lives. The same concept can be used to help your relationships. This is not to say you should get rid of people in your life, but rather aspects of your relationships that don’t bring you joy should be explored. Things evolve over time, people change, desires shift, and expectations can diverge dramatically. Taking time to tidy up will keep your relationships healthy and vibrant.  

It’s easy to hold something in because you don’t want to spend the emotional energy you know it will take to air it out with your significant other. It’s easy to imagine sister wives letting little annoyances with each other build up because they want to keep the family functioning and happy. It’s even easier to imagine sister wives in a family being annoyed while watching their husband find new sister wives to date and potentially join the family. Embracing polygamy dating can be strenuous for even the most seasoned of polygamist families. Just a little time spent intentionally and mindfully exposing the things that are not bringing joy gives everyone involved a chance to find solutions. It’s hard to be mad at a polygamist husband that knows seeking sister wives is perfectly natural when he has no idea a current wife is struggling. Creating space to speak candidly about issues will help find resolutions before they are too big to tackle. 

Whether your interest is in polygamous dating, or another form of polyamorous dating, moments spent tidying up along the way can assure the relationships you’re exploring are what everyone involved really wants. A woman that wants to become a sister wife may find her real interest is in a polyamorous lifestyle. A woman that is enjoying her polyamorous life might eventually find her true joy in becoming a sister wife. A man that believes he is heterosexual and enjoys dating women can discover he has developed a strong attraction to men as well. Being polyamorous gives you the power to explore whatever paths you come across and being mindful with yourself, and your partners, can make sure nobody gets hurt and everyone is truly enjoying themselves. Keeping everyone on the same page ensures you’re all writing the same story together. 

As important as it is to maintain strong communication, a great deal of tidying up your relationships needs to happen in your own heart and mind. When you find something is not bringing you joy you need to figure out why it isn’t bringing you joy. Sometimes you’ll find that when you lay out the details behind your feelings, they’re unreasonable. Dating a potential new sister wife is not against the rules for a polygamist, so figuring out what is actually bothering you is important before telling your husband you don’t like a woman he’s seeing. An evening alone while your boyfriend is out seeing another man or woman may not be the most fun experience, but it is to be expected for an open poly couple. Being mindful and tidying up before getting too involved will avoid landing you in a situation that does not genuinely make you happy. You have to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with anyone else. In fact, the worst kind of dishonesty comes from not knowing yourself because you end up unintentionally hurting yourself and others. 

Never lose sight of why you originally joined a polygamist family or got involved in a polyamorous relationship. The potential joy in these situations is off the charts and you get to explore who you really are rather than following a blueprint for a ‘perfect’ life. Being so in touch with your authentic emotions and desires will draw endless opportunities and happiness into your life, but you can’t be afraid to face dark moments or thoughts. With all light comes darkness. Facing difficult feelings takes courage and sharing them with the people you love might seem impossible. However, creating a safe space and time to occasionally tidy up your relationships means you can help each other through struggles rather than experience the agony of faking a smile just to keep everyone comfortable. Fake smiles can carry you through a little while but they can’t stop whatever is building up inside you.

The more often you clean something the easier it is to keep it clean. You don’t want to ‘clean’ so much that you wear things out, but as you learn to take time to be mindful in your life, and tidy up, it will start to come naturally. Creating an intentional safe space for your loved ones to freely express their feelings periodically will translate eventually into a constant more open and supportive life together. Sweeping everything out from under the rug consistently will keep negativity from overwhelming your love life. Something, or someone, not bringing you joy needs to be thoughtfully considered and addressed. The last thing you want is any of those someone’s you truly care about stepping out of your life because you were too afraid to be honest. Celebrate your polyamorous or polygamous love lives together and make sure all your loved ones are always finding great joy.    

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Exploring polyamory isn’t for the weak. Dealing with jealous feelings, fear of not being good enough, anxiety about possibly damaging your existing relationship, and exhaustion from the thought of dating again are just a handful of reasons people may not even entertain the idea. The level of honesty and the strength of the bond in your relationship that is required sometimes just isn’t feasible, and monogamy remains a safe place to be settled. For others, polyamory is an excellent path for growing and strengthening intimate relationship/s. What if you want this, but your significant other is not so sure? 

Never present the idea as though it’s an answer to problems, or anything lacking, in your relationship. A man telling a woman he wants to find other women to bang because she doesn’t put out enough will, rightfully, get nowhere. A couple exploring polyamory is an adventure you want to share because you already have a good relationship. If you don’t, work on that first. Multiply love, not issues. 

Highlight the benefits of polyamory. It’s entirely reasonable that a happily married husband and wife may want to find a sister wife. Having an additional female companion in your home brings new life and more love to an already successful marriage. Same goes if a wife decides she’d like to have two men. Brother husbands could have an outstanding life together and keep a lady very satisfied. Having multiple adults in a relationship can expand both finances and the capacity to accomplish family goals. Multiple intimate relationships grows your ability to give and receive love.

If polygamy dating is not your cup of tea, polyamory is wide open with options. This is yet another reason a happy couple can safely explore their polyamorous inclinations. They can cater their poly dating and relationships to exactly what works for them. Dating others separately, dating only other men together, or women together, don’t ask don’t tell, always ask always tell, meeting poly dates on vacation only, sex only with others, or whatever works. This is where raw honesty plays a massive role and your bond can grow stronger while you explore your deeper sexuality together. Keep an open mind.

Polyamory and polygamy usually aren’t on your mind when you’re younger and new to exploring love and relationships. Americans, especially, tend to get married very young and are pushed to maintain boundaries that cause more negative outcomes than positive. Too many marriages that haven’t ended in divorce are drowning in lies and deceit. Polyamory orpolygamy dating can help two people that truly love each other hang onto the spark that brought them together. Few things can be as intimate as dating another person together or talking about a date you enjoyed. Even if every poly date falls through you’ll learn so much about each other it’ll be worth it. Working together to stay on the same page and opening up about your feelings will only make your relationship stronger.

Embracing the fact that your relationships can be whatever you and your significant others want them to be is empowering. Embracing your authority over self-determination while becoming a more open and honest lover will bring true joy to your relationships. The transparency, respect, and support needed for polyamorous relationships to thrive makes them some of the closest intimate companionship's anyone knows. Best wishes that your significant other will indulge your curiosity and join you for a beautiful poly adventure. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Polygamy has enjoyed some time in the spotlight in recent years and is now very publicly  running into difficult realities. Shake-ups in well established polygamist families have eliminated any delusions that polygamous relationships are lacking in serious hardships, as in any other relationships. As polygamy evolves and grows, and continues blending into modern society, it faces an identity crisis. We’re a long way from the days of it being a tradition in only a few religious sects or cultures. The lifestyle is reaching across all cultural and social barriers. As we witness this evolution we need to consider the ways to affect positive change. We need to ensure darker aspects in the history of polygamy don’t find their way back into the mix.

Female empowerment is one of the most profound influences on modern polygamy. Women today can choose the husband they want to marry and are not expected to ‘submit’ to him as they have done in the past. This goes for monogamous relationships too. The power of choice is something women have fought long and hard to enjoy. A woman that wants to become a sister wife can now explore her options, weigh them, and choose the most fitting family or man. Modern polygamists can welcome a broader spectrum sexually as well. Polyandry is a relationship in which a woman has more than one male mate. Roles can be reversed! This is where the lines between polygamy and polyamory begin to blur. A question starts to present itself. Is polygamy simply a form of polyamory?

Polygamy, in my opinion, should fall under the umbrella of polyamory. There are so many options for intimate relationships and it’s difficult to categorize them all. For the sake of this argument, let’s consider maintaining any intimate relationship with more than one person at a time polyamory. From this view, a very traditional polygamist family involves a male with multiple wives, or lovers, and is therefore polyamory. Some will refuse to accept this view, but when considering the benefits, it’s hard to deny it would help countless people find and maintain successful poly relationships across the board. Being inclusive is almost never a bad thing.

There is power in numbers. Segregating one alternative relationship form from others isn’t really helping anyone. There is also power in helping normalize alternative relationships that make people truly happy. Helping polygamy evolve into a socially acceptable option for those wanting to be sister wives is a benefit. A prospective sister wife should be able to openly date multiple options and not have to settle for a less desirable situation, possibly dangerous, because she has been limited by society. Allowing for the persecution of a woman that wants to be a sister wife only alienates her and encourages rash and desperate decisions. Polyamorous people need to build each other up and help keep each other safe. All of us.

Polygamy may be a concept you’ve never considered because polyamory is the only thing you’ve explored. Believing you are one thing so strongly that you refuse to consider other ideas is selling yourself short. You may find you could enjoy a polygamist family, or something similar. The term does have a bad connotation for some, but it’s time to shift it away from that. A relationship involving multiple people can operate like a traditional polygamist family and be every bit as healthy as any other polyamorous family. The patriarchal constructs are no longer necessary with polygamy. Polyamorous people shouldn’t be afraid to explore the lifestyle if they feel so inclined.

If a man in a relationship with a woman is looking for another woman to date, and both women are aware of it, he is seeking a polyamorous situation (not cheating). This is no different than a man with a wife seeking a sister wife. It’s important not to get bogged down in specific characterizations to define your relationships because it can lead to limits you don’t desire. Polygamous people embracing the idea of being polyamorous leaves doors open for opportunities or desires that might make sense for your family. In the reverse, polyamorous people being open to polygamy might find restraints they do ultimately desire. Being open all the possibilities in polygamy and polyamory will strengthen relationships for you and the entire poly community. It’s perfectly reasonable for a poly family to practice polygamy for a period of time then open up the relationship, or vice versa.

Unfortunately, a lot of people in the poly community have a tendency to place themselves in strict categories and defend their relationship style staunchly. Rather than keeping an open mind we sometimes like to school each other in things like poly ethics, or whatever. It’s a defense mechanism. Life is tough, so segregating yourself into a narrow world feels safe, and you feel you must defend that safe place. This needs to change. Monogamous people often feel very strongly about what relationships should be, and yours isn’t it, but their disapproval shouldn’t push you to be as narrow minded as them. We need attitudes and laws to change to make sure we are all safe and allowed our personal pursuit of happiness. The first attitudes that need to change are ours. Polygamists and polyamorous people should work together, as one in the same, to bring equality to plural relationships.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Coasting through life not doing anything outside of the expected is an easy way to live. Maintaining a happy family, raising a couple of good kids, and being a positive influence in your community are all admirable things. Funny as it seems, assumptions will be made when you live an exemplary life like this. ‘That fella must have one beautiful wife at home taking good care of him.’ Even funnier is that people in plural relationships or families are actually better equipped to accomplish these things, yet so many people refuse to consider polyamory as an option. More people should give it serious consideration because polygamous and polyamorous people are fortunate in many ways, and way ahead of the curve in life.

Many days there are a million things to do! The pantry is almost empty, your check engine light is on, Mother’s Day is a few days away, you know you can’t get away from the office until after 7, and you just remembered the PTA meeting you cannot miss is at 8. You end up eating fast food, wearing out your car prematurely, canceling important plans, and your poor mother only gets a rushed call on her special day. Now imagine all the same daily tasks but more than one or two people to accomplish them. Every addition to your poly family enhances your capacity to fulfill obligations exponentially. Beyond obligations, imagine one family that includes a General Practitioner, Master Mechanic, Chef, Contractor, etc… They’d be unstoppable! While looking for a sister wife, or addition to your poly relationship, there is no harm in considering the perks they bring to your family. Be realistic, of course.

The grind of daily life gets old for everyone and after knocking out daily tasks it’s time to unwind. Two people can, without question, thoroughly love and enjoy each other but everyone needs a little diversity in their life. Finding multiple lovers, or sister wives, provides natural variation so a family or group can constantly mix things up. Polyamorous people also enjoy less time doing things they don’t really enjoy. If two members of your group or family love the aquarium, and the rest don’t, they can go enjoy it together instead of dragging you along. The joy of a big loving family is undeniable. Who could complain about an amazing dinner party nearly every night?

On top of the pleasantries, and maybe more important, is the amount of unconditional love and support poly people enjoy. Life will throw terrible things in everyone’s path. Having sister wives or multiple lovers you can confide in, and rely on, means your struggles may pose less frustration. Everyone should have friends they can turn to, but the connection among sister wives or lovers is deeper. Multiplying those type of connections in your life will carry you with grace when needed.

This same support system can reach super hero levels of power when it comes to raising kids. Three or more grown-ups focusing on the best for their kids produces incredible results. When one of you is at a loss of what to say or do, in whatever situation, there is a good chance one of the others will know, or have a pretty good idea. Each parent can impart their strengths into their kids’ lives and raise a person that is incredibly well-rounded and smart. An instinctual tolerance toward people with unique approaches to life is an added bonus.

The kids (if you have them), and you, will also enjoy the financial aspects of a plural relationship. Multiple working adults contributing to a common household means options can be wide open. Forget settling on the starter home you can still barely afford. Being responsible with money is always important but it’s easier to be responsible when you have access to more money. Four or five lovers sharing a room on vacation can be the difference between a smelly motel room by a highway interchange, or a downtown suite with a balcony and amazing view. Enjoy it.

Poly relationships will never be an option for too many people. It’s unfortunate, but seeking a sister wife will never seem like a reasonable direction for many men. If you’re a man that would like to find sister wives and build a family, consider yourself lucky! If you’re a woman that would like to be a sister wife, you are blessed with an instinct to know how to live your best life. The same goes for any polyamorous people. We know our best lives are possible and finding poly lovers to build a loving family or group brings us great joy. The core of polyamory is love. The benefits shouldn’t be your focus but an enjoyable possible result of your choices. Embrace your lovers, if you have them, and keep up the good work. The future of polyamory is bright because we know a secret path to tremendous bliss. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Picture the perfect house with a white picket fence in one of the best neighborhoods your town has to offer. The lawn is well manicured, trees are full and green, and the whole place simply looks like a dream. Now imagine your poly family making this perfect place your home. Maybe you’re a polygamist family with a man and three sister wives. Maybe a polyamorous group with three men and two women. Whatever your polyamorous arrangement might be, everything is going beautifully and it seems you couldn’t be happier. Now imagine a neighbor walking by giving you nothing but side eye and you have no clue why. You wave and smile and they only pick up the pace to get away. It can be easy to slough it off. Chalk it up to the people’s occasional strange behaviors. Most often these things are harmless but the ill effects of judgy neighbors can accumulate or even become a hindrance to your well-being. In some cases it can become dangerous.  

Face it. When some people hear the terms polygamy or polyamory they cringe. Most well-adjusted adults can have their opinion and keep it to themselves but just one nimby (not in my back yard) can make your life a living hell. Some people simply cannot mind their own business and find pleasure in torturing others. Living a lifestyle outside of societal ‘norms’ brings about situations that are difficult and learning to handle them with grace is crucial. 

Decide how much of your life, and what aspects, you wish to keep private and keep it that way with the public. You don’t have to discuss anything with anyone unless you want to. There are many factors to consider. While many of those factors are personal, don’t neglect to consider factors beyond your control as well. Consider the region you live in and the social expectations that make up the local ‘norms.’ Are the people in your area very aggressive about enforcing their views? What religious ideologies are the most widespread and how strict are they? Four people in a poly household can exist anywhere they’d like but they can be far more open about their situation in Los Angeles as opposed to Jackson, Mississippi. A man can be looking for a sister wife anywhere he lives but in many areas he needs to keep fairly private about it or risk being ostracized by his community. Get over the idea that everyone can just live as they want and expect the world to deal with it. 

The world will, in fact, deal with it, but in that dealing you could lose your job, friends, opportunities, or even your life in extreme cases. You cannot constantly be showing all your cards if you expect to compete! This is not suggesting for anyone to live a lie, but some things are nobody else’s business. Especially things people can, and will, use against you. People interested in polygamous and polyamorous dating need to be smart about it. If you live in an area that makes you feel like your only choice is to live a lie the best option is to move away, but of course not everyone can do that. Whether you decide to move or stay put there are ways to help assure your future can withstand a horrible neighbor. 

Know your rights and responsibilities. Laws surrounding plural relationships can be tricky and a nimby will not hesitate to tie you up in legal problems if they don’t want a polygamist or poly family on their block. Knowing your state and local codes concerning marriage and cohabitation will give you the tools to ensure your family, or group, can present itself in a legal way. 

Find, and support, your allies. Finding other polygamist families or polyamorous people in your community will build a support network you can all rely on. Beyond polygamy and polyamory there are other marginalized groups you can befriend. Gay and lesbian people have learned to handle plenty of criticism for their personal relationships. They make great allies when times get tough. 

Be a good neighbor. You cannot expect others to extend any respect to you if you refuse to treat them with general respect. Sign the social contract to be generally friendly and try, at least, to never personally make anyone have a bad day. Just do it! Be a nice person. It will come back to you in positive ways. Someday, being a nice person will come naturally (if you hate the idea of it). Either way… it’s worth it. 

Choose battles wisely. Nobody can go through life constantly battling. Some people will never like you and some situations will never work out the way you’d prefer. Accepting disappointment and moving along is a tough lesson everyone has to learn eventually. There are battles worth fighting. Make sure you save your energy for the important things. 

Refuse Other People’s Bullshit. You and your poly partners will have enough of your own dramas in life. A nimby neighbor, most often, should be the least of them. Rolling your eyes at a neighbor trying to marginalize you is a great way to remove the nasty energy they send your way. Don’t find joy in knowing they have their own problems, find the humanity in it. We’re all only human and anyone trying to harm others, in any way, is not a very happy human. Pity them. 

Finding sister wives and building a family is a joy many people will never get to experience. Enjoying dinners and dates with polyamorous lovers while nurturing a loving group of companions is a beautiful thing. Not everyone feels the same things are beautiful in this world and they never will. Protect your home and your loved ones by showing others compassion. Showing the world your joy is the best weapon against those that will wish you harm. Never forget that your love and life is your business. Nimby’s aren’t worth your energy.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Online dating is a modern phenomenon that connects people across geographic and social barriers. People from completely different walks of life can meet and fall in love before they ever see each other in person. The exponentially larger selection of opportunities has led to millions of happy relationships that previously were not possible. There are so many options! Finding your perfect match has never been easier. However, online dating has also led to rashes of fraud and abuse. The illest of intentions can be lurking behind a dating profile. Polyamorous and polygamous people are especially at risk of scammers and fakes due to their more open nature and perpetual dating habits. It’s important to follow a few basic standards to protect yourself. 

First, vet each profile.

This is not to say everyone’s profile will be prolific but there are statements and situations which point out a fraudulent profile. Profiles that feel rushed or poorly written often reveal someone that isn’t worth your time, at the very least. Only two or three pics is not a good sign. A person from Estonia looking for a sister wife or polygamist family in Alabama is highly suspect. A polyamorous couple in Southeast Asia looking for dates in Texas is likely a fake. However, if there are unusual circumstances that are reasonably explained in the profile, it may be safe to approach cautiously. If that polyamorous couple in Southeast Asia is moving to Houston for a job, and looking for dates ahead of the move, that’s not hard to believe. Most people are going to seek a sister wife or polyamorous date within a reasonable range. Go with your gut feeling when vetting profiles. Better to pass up a few real opportunities than get wrapped up in a scam.

Second, Money talks very loud.

The mere mention of exchanging money early in an online dating interaction should lead to immediately blocking and reporting a profile. Anyone online you don’t know asking for help moving money around, in any way, is attempting to scam you. There is no gray area here. Do not accept money from anyone you don’t know and do not send money to anyone you don’t know. If the person, or people, you’re dating online cannot afford their own travel expenses they need to save up until they can (same goes for you). Do not send money for family emergencies or offer money, in any form, for anything related to an online interaction on a dating site. You do not know them and anyone worth their salt would not ask you for money. 

After multiple interactions, video chats, and building a rapport you can ease up on the idea of absolutely no exchange of money. It’s natural you’d eventually want to meet and may need a flight covered to do so, for example. Even if you have reached this point in the relationship be prepared to cover your own accommodations. The person, or people, you thought you knew so well may be completely different in person and you need to be able to get away. Exchanging money for anything but expenses related to meeting should always be a nonstarter. 

Third, say no to strange requests (or refusals).

Requests for other ways to chat should be approached carefully. Pulling you away from a dating site to another resource helps scammers hide and gives you fewer options to call them out. There are plenty other options for chat but be wary of the intentions behind moving off the platform you’re already using. Giving access to your other profiles and social networks provides information. Your information could be what a scammer is after. Access to your phone number, social media profiles, and other possibly revealing information has to be earned. 

One way to earn more access to you is through video chat. Talking on the phone is a close second but video chat puts a face on your new companion. Refusal to arrange times to talk over the phone, or video chat, should result in cutting off communication altogether. You may pass on a few real prospects by adhering to this standard but the trouble you’ll avoid is worth it.

Don’t send nudes!! If you insist on sending nudes don’t include your face and stop sending them if it’s not reciprocal. Asking to see your breasts, or package, should happen only when some rapport has been achieved and basic trust has been established. Be aware of the risks and send accordingly. The more revealing, the more blackmail worthy.   

Some people are only scheming to gain followers on their various social media outlets. While this is generally harmless, it’s annoying behavior that should not be rewarded. If anyone asks you to follow them just ignore the request and move along. A link in their profile is fine but their pushing for followers is a waste of your time. 

Last, don’t hesitate to poke holes in stories.

Inconsistencies in a narrative are one of the surest signs of dishonesty. Claiming to have grown up in Omaha yet speaking, or typing, in broken English is an unlikely scenario. Claims of wealth don’t add up when you suddenly have a request to help with a financial emergency. Many scammers are very good and have practiced their narrative heavily, but paying close attention will help you spot the holes. Don’t be so desperate for love that you forgive glaring inconsistencies in anyone’s story. 

If a man claims to have multiple happy wives and is looking for a new sister wife to join his family you should expect photos to reliably back up his story. A polyamorous couple isn’t as believable if they are not both in touch with you, even if one is in touch far less than the other. Poly dating doesn’t always involve everyone in an existing relationship but pay attention to their story. You don’t want to get wrapped up in one of them cheating on the other either. 

The dangers of online dating have kept numerous people away from dating sites but they are truly missing out. The rewards far outweigh the occasional fake or scammer that might come along. Not getting too excited when you come across a seemingly perfect candidate goes a long way in avoiding trouble. A polyamorous or polygamous person can often detect a non-poly scammer early in a conversation. Pay attention to your gut and trust it. Learning to keep it fun while being vigilant about safety means finding additions to your polyamorous group, or polygamist family, will always be an exciting adventure.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Relationships are work. The daily grind puts a big damper on many of the fantasies we strive to explore with our lovers. Growing apart or losing the romantic spark are unfortunate possibilities as the years wear away on any relationship. Polygamous and Polyamorous relationships face unique challenges in the attempt to hang on to the romance. Multiple partners adds a level of complexity that can be daunting. If jealousy or resentment infects a relationship it is usually fatal. Everyone in your group or family needs to be committed to each other and to the efforts required to maintain a healthy love life for everyone involved. 

It’s not uncommon for a sister wife to feel a little jealous about the amount of time they have with their husband. If her husband is dating a new sister wife he may be investing more energy in her for some time until she is comfortable in her new family. Polygamy Dating and home life can be complicated. During a pregnancy it’s understandable for a polygamist husband to focus more attention on a pregnant sister wife at the expense of the others. Situations that require more attention on one or another are simply inevitable. The health of a polygamist family relies on everyone respectfully communicating their grievances and working to understand circumstances rather than allowing jealousy or resentment to take over. 

Polyamorous groups or families face similar challenges. If the relationship is open it can only be expected that jealousy will pop up from time to time. Knowing your partner, or partners, are out sharing romance with others takes a great deal of trust and patience. Polyamorous dating ebbs and flows. Seeing your partner excited about someone new while you can’t even get a response from anyone is the worst! Rather than resenting your lover you should share in the excitement. A time will come when you’re meeting people and your partner is having a dry spell. Better to know you can lift each other up through these times instead of feeling bad for enjoying yourself. Sharing the joy will enhance the joy and could lead to sharing your dates and maybe growing your relationship as well. 

Mistakes will be made. Details will be overlooked when you’re asking about how your partner met someone or how the date went. Boundaries will be stretched and emotions will be tested. Every time something isn’t perfect there is a chance for resentment to settle in. Of course there are unacceptable things like outright lies and intentional deceit, but those are red flags signaling bigger issues. When your partner makes a mistake, and you know they were not out to hurt you, you have to let it go. If you can’t let it go, or it’s unforgivable in your eyes, end the relationship. Don’t stay in a relationship if you’re incapable of real forgiveness. Resentment will block any chance of lasting romance. 

Even closed polyamorous groups aren’t without struggles. A happy home with five happy lovers cannot expect every day to be rosy. Pairing up based on similar interests isn’t uncommon in a closed poly group or family. Two gardening lovers may spend the most time together while two night owls end up spending every Friday night out together. None of this means the group should split off. It’s normal to be drawn to people that share similar interests. It does mean to be cautious. Unintentionally causing a lover to feel left out or lonely is no fun. Efforts should be made for the entire group to spend time together and for each person to spend time with each other individually. One night a week dedicated to everyone being together would go a long way. By avoiding behaviors that bring division to your group, and deliberately celebrating your poly love, you can expect romantic moments to easily find their way in. 

Forcing romance is cringe worthy. It just cannot be done. Romance can, however, be ruined quite easily. Harboring anger, resentment, or jealousy not only kills romance, it slowly kills you! People that are unable to forgive and let things go have dismal prospects in any dating or relationship situation. They are, essentially, toxic people and we all know what to do with toxic people. Kick them to the curb before they curb check your happiness. Any two or more people that are committed to each others bliss, and are working to build each other up, will experience natural romantic moments that won’t soon be forgotten. Find sister wives or lovers that love to love. You have more power when you first meet someone new so trust your gut instincts and remember not to compromise so much you lose yourself in a loveless relationship. Waiting for the right lovers will pay off by giving all of you a lifetime of delightful romance. 

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

The world of polyamory provides boundless possibilities for lovers to form lives and relationships that bring them joy. The diversity of desires among polyamorous people shows, while we are often very different, we share a belief that love’s only limits should be the ones we choose. Polyamorous dating and polygamous dating are exciting. It’s time to meet new people and share ideas. Discovering relationships, lifestyles, and connections you may have never considered before helps you grow and eventually build a life that makes you truly happy. Here are a few rules to keep in mind along your journey. A few things that will help you stay on your fitting path. 

Never compromise your true self or values.

If you are a sister wife looking for a polygamist man or family it’s possible to come across a situation that doesn’t really fit what you’re seeking. Some polygamist families are very religious, or strict in other ways, and many modern sister wives, or women wanting to become sister wives, prefer a more modern situation. This also works in the reverse. If you wish for a strict religious family it wouldn’t make any sense to compromise your desires in order to date a more liberal polygamist man. Bending yourself too much to suit another person won’t lead to a happy outcome. 

Polyamorous dating also requires individuals to know what they are seeking, or are open to, at least. A guy that wants no commitments has no business dating a couple or group looking for someone to join their closed situation. It’s possible the closed group may want a one night stand, or occasional rendezvous, with this guy but everyone involved needs to be clear about expectations. Ideas about what polyamory means to you are important, early and often, when dating among polyamorous people. 

Don’t judge!

Not everyone will be like you. You will meet people with a lot in common and you will meet people with almost nothing in common. Embrace it. Before you start judging the sexuality, ideals, or desires of others consider the fact that you are also the target of senseless judging from monogamous people who think you’re sick. So just stop it. Get over yourself and accept people for who they are. This way, they can be honest and upfront about themselves and save you both a lot of time and trouble if it’ll never work.

Honor your commitments.

People say plenty of things to get somebody in bed with them This is often no different in the polygamous or polyamorous dating world. At a basic level it can be harmless as long as everyone involved knows it’s just a little fun. It’s okay to be explorative about your intentions early in any dating relationship. Talk about your thoughts and feelings openly. Enjoy your dating time while you sort out a possible future and how it might look. Don’t, however, start making commitments you’re uncertain about or don’t intend to keep. 

Successful polyamory requires the ability to trust your lovers. A strong polygamist family requires everyone in the family to be truly invested. Knowingly breaking this trust, or your commitments, can cause permanent damage and make future joy for a lover, or family, more difficult to find. Don’t be responsible for the lasting sorrow of someone you claimed to love. Don’t make agreements as a tactic for short term happiness when it comes to affairs of the heart. Take yourself and your potential lovers seriously. 

Keep an open mind.

Life is more fun around people with open minds. Polyamorous people generally have open minds or they wouldn’t be polyamorous in the first place. It’s easy to become jaded or set in our ways. Becoming set in our ways may even be inevitable. The trouble with closing off possibilities is the danger of limiting yourself, and relationships, to situations that aren’t working for everyone any longer. If a partner or someone you’re dating expresses interest in something new, don’t compromise your values, but don’t dismiss new things with zero consideration. Don’t forget the fun and excitement you’re privy to by being polyamorous. 

Be an advocate.

Living outside the normal expectations of society can be nearly impossible for many people. Polyamorous and polygamous people have their fair share of adversity. There are plenty of folks that simply will not accept any long term relationship except for a monogamous, heterosexual, marriage. Vocally supporting good people from all walks of life only serves to make the future better for everyone. You don’t have to go pounding the pavement in every march for equality to make a big difference. A simple word or two when needed, or showing basic empathy toward others, can go a long way in the world immediately around you. 

Finding the polyamorous relationships that work for you, and your style, should be a fun and enlightening experience. Finding a sister wife to join your polygamist family should be an exciting process. A woman finding her perfect family to join as a sister wife should thoroughly enjoy the journey. If we follow some basic standards, everyone, no matter which polyamorous style they have an interest in, can enjoy the dating experience. Excellent communication and a strong sense of self leads to beautiful bonds being formed. Friendship bonds are equally as important as the bonds you share with your lovers. Finding your poly style will open the correct doors for you. Letting your style perpetually evolve will keep them opening.

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

Healthy friendships are an important part of a happy life. Friends give us an ear to listen, a shoulder to lean on, and provide some of the most exciting times we’ll ever have. Polyamorous people are often drawn to each other because they share similar lifestyles. Sometimes we want relationships that includes sex, sometimes not. Everyone needs friends without the complications sex can introduce. Feelings of comradery can evolve into sexual attraction even if that’s the last thing you’d want with a close friend. Facing these feelings and sorting out the direction you wish to go with a friend is terribly stressful and the strain on yourself, and your romantic partners, can cause long lasting harm. How do two polyamorous people maintain a non-sexual relationship when unwanted sexual attraction becomes part of the equation? 

Romantic feelings among sister wives in the polygamist community are sometimes not allowed to be explored, but, that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. When a polygamist man finds a sister wife to grow the family he’s often finding women that have a few things in common. Traits he finds attractive. These similarities lead to close friendships among sister wives and those friendships can lead to more intimate feelings. If those feelings are unwanted, or not allowed, the two wives will have to discuss ways to set them aside. Avoidance is not really an option in a polygamist family so it will come down to self control. Avoid opportunities for intimacy, get some space when you can, and don’t be afraid to talk about your love for each other along with the importance of boundaries. Sexual feelings that have not been acted on can safely be kept between those involved. Learn to love each other the ways you can and never be ashamed. 

Polyamorous people outside of the polygamist world will run into many people throughout life that are potential romantic partners. Not every polyamorous person you meet, however, will have a mutual attraction. Often the only desire from one side or the other is to simply be friends. Before considering how to be ‘just friends’ with someone in your life when sexual attraction develops you have consider the facts. What motivates you to maintain the friendship? Is the feeling mutual? Will sex be too risky with this friend? If unwanted, or unwise, sexual attraction is involved you’ll have to sort it out. Here are a few things to ponder. 

First, is sexual attraction creeping in from one or both sides of the friendship? 

If you have one-sided romantic feelings toward a friend you can’t ignore the situation in hopes they will slowly fade away. The feelings will soften over time but you have to prepare yourself to handle it until then. Unrequited love can be dangerous. Consider the possibility your friend may also have feelings for you and you’re responding to a mutual attraction. If that is not the case you have to get yourself under control. It’s often best to keep such feelings to yourself and learn to embrace your friendship for what it is. Let go of the things you cannot control. You may need a little less time together until the friendship feels more natural again, but that’s better than losing everything because you can’t have exactly what you want from someone. 

If a friend has romantic feelings towards you, and you’re aware of it, you need to be as supportive as possible. Consider it a compliment and show them you value their friendship. If you can help them move past the feelings you stand to keep a friendship that’s based on some pretty deep roots. As experienced in most intimate relationships, romantic feelings soften over time. Sex takes a back seat eventually in most relationships and friendship becomes the main drive. This same process should occur with friends that never act on their sexual attraction to each other.  

If the attraction is mutual you really have a hurdle to climb. Maybe you’re both polyamorous but already involved in closed groups. Maybe you aren’t out as bisexual yet and can’t spring that on your current partners. Whatever the reason, if you’re both sexually attracted but committed to maintaining a ‘friends only’ situation, it will take effort and great self control. It’s probably best not to be alone in a private room together and you might only hang out together among other friends until your attraction eases up. The desires will lessen over time. It would be healthier to go ahead and come out as bi, or discuss your feelings with your lovers, but things can be more complicated than that. Some people can be true friends with benefits and your romantic partners won’t mind. If that’s you, consider yourself lucky! Most of us have to be careful about intertwining sex in our relationships too easily. 

As the saying goes, “With great joy comes great sorrow.” A Sister Wife honoring her family by setting aside unwanted sexual desires is not easy, but the light her family brings to her heart will make it worthwhile. Two friends parting ways because they’re aware their relationship will only lead to trouble is horrible, but the lovers they spare from pain are worth it. Finding a new sister wife or a new polyamorous lover is exciting. The commitments made in the process are important. We can try to avoid much ‘sorrow’ by leaving relationships very open, but boundaries cannot be avoided. All hope is not lost. There are plenty of ways to love someone on a deep level without getting sex or intimacy involved. Find an alternative to sex that can strengthen your bond in other ways. Be mindful, be respectful, and don’t give up too easily on good friends.   

Published By: Christopher Alesich

Matchmakers, Inc:

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