Chris's article

Poly dating apps (and dating apps in general) have changed the matchmaking game. In terms of convenience, better matches, and inclusivity, poly dating has definitely benefited from modern ingenuity. Even so, all the apps out there yield a different user experience depending on what a person is looking for in the dating world. 


Most poly apps are available on iOS and Android devices. Alternatively, many apps can be operated on a web browser, which is great if you’re using a laptop or desktop computer. I’ll walk you through some of the most popular poly apps available to help you determine the best one for you.


Sister Wives



















Other noteworthy features: The app is designed for members 17 and up, making it a little more accessible to young adults. Unlike other dating apps, Sister Wives focuses on poly relationships, helping you filter out incompatible matches right from the start. Moreover, our experts weed out fake profiles, ensuring you don’t encounter any scammers or suspicious individuals in our database. In other words, the Sister Wives app does much of the work for you so you have a better chance of meeting the right person or people sooner.


Feeld









  

Other noteworthy features: If you’re searching for love as a couple or a poly family, Feeld allows you to connect your profile with another person. This means you and your partner can chat with another person at the same time so you don’t have to log in and out of the same account multiple times a day on different devices. Additionally, Feeld’s Majestic membership offers features like sharing exclusive photos in your circle and getting notifications about who tagged you in the app. Feeld welcomes people of all genders and sexual identities--making each user feel safe while on the app.



OkCupid





 

Other noteworthy features: When signing up on either the website or app version of OkCupid, it’s straightforward. The matchmaking service gives you the option between non-monogamous, monogamous, or either relationship type right away. You can also specify between long-term relationships, short-term relationships, friends-only connections, or one-time meets. Their gender preferences are inclusive and create an accepting community for both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships.


Ashley Madison


 

Other noteworthy features: Ashley Madison’s been mired in controversies over the years, though the service has revamped its image as an empowering app. With more than 65 million global users, the appeal is straightforward: you are very likely to match with someone in your area. If short-term flings or hookups are something you’re after, Ashley Madison might be best. This poly dating app offers a premium membership that gives you access to unlimited messaging--a plus no matter what type of poly relationship you’re after. Keep in mind though that the users here typically aren’t seeking long-term, committed poly connections, so take this app with a grain of salt.


#OPEN


 

Other noteworthy features: This poly dating app doesn’t limit your matches and searches to a specified mile radius. Instead, you can connect and chat with any user (or any couple) from anywhere. It emphasizes ethical non-monogamy, though it allows you to search for almost any tag including relationship anarchy to a specific kink. If you don’t identify with any of the existing tags, the app allows you to create your own tag to help you refine your search and match with people who want the same thing. With over 50,000 Android phone members already on top of iPhone folks, matching with others seems easy. Like the Feeld app, you can chat as a single or a couple.


Other factors to consider when trying polygamy dating apps


Additional charges: While most apps are free to download and use, there may be an additional price for select features. In app-purchases include monthly or yearly subscriptions, more extensive privacy settings, advanced communication tools, and even unrestricted messaging. Note that in-app purchases range anywhere from $1.99 up to $70.00 in some cases, with auto-renewal charges a common practice.


Operating systems: Like other smartphone apps, poly dating apps roll out upgrades frequently to better serve their users. This might mean you have to update your operating system as well, whether you’re an Android or Apple owner.


Language availability: Some apps provide language support in over 20 languages, while others provide support in English or another majority language only. This factor might be an important one to consider depending on your location and native tongue.


The founders: Some apps are transparent with their founders and their histories. For many others like myself, this provides not just an element of relatability, but a confidence in people who have access to their personal information.


What’s the bottom line? No app may be perfect in every way, but it’s worth trying out multiple ones to see what features you do and don’t enjoy. You might find that profile sharing for couples is a more important feature to you than unlimited messaging, for instance. If you have experience with any of the apps above besides Sister Wives, let us know in the comments below. We’d love to hear your input.








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


A few weeks ago, we posted an article on Millennials and Poly Dating Sites. Millennials have always been considered the most open-minded generation. That is, until their younger siblings came of age. 


Generation Z covers the years 1997-2012, making them between 9-24 years old. Even though over half of Gen Z are under 18 years old, we still have plenty of research on their opinions and behaviors. 


Does Gen Z Use Dating Apps?

According to a 2018 Global News study, 73.2% of Gen Z use dating apps. While many millennials grew up alongside technology, Gen Z either can’t remember a time before social media existed, or weren’t alive yet. This has normalized online dating and dating apps, whereas previous generations may have felt awkward or uncomfortable doing so.


In 2020, Tinder surveyed 3,453 Gen Z users. Of that number, one fifth said they would explore polyamory. It also found that 71% feel that online platforms have allowed them to connect with others, and three quarters said dating apps help them to get to know themselves better.


In our opinion, these numbers will only continue to grow as Gen Z ages. This is partially because some people with less open-minded, Baby Boomer parents may not feel comfortable exploring new options until they’re not living at home. 


However, a huge contributing factor is how technology and popular culture have made information on polygamy and polyamory more accessible than ever. Let’s take a look at how poly dating is portrayed in the media and on social media.


How Gen Z Learns About Poly Dating

Like their older millennial siblings, Gen Z-ers were probably first exposed to poly lifestyles through television. Before the Sister Wives TV show, there were shows like MTV’s True Life, which featured an episode on polyamory in 2009. 


Today, they can further their observations by following social media influencers who are poly. There’s a wide variety of polyamorous, polygamous, and otherwise non-monogamous bloggers, YouTubers, Instagrammers, and TikTokkers. Some influencers and celebrities have even gone through the process of exploring, then coming out as poly or non-monogamous while sharing their journey with their audience in real-time.


What this has done is further normalize the poly lifestyle as a whole. We can see this by observing an app like TikTok, where Gen Z (it’s biggest audience) can stumble upon a poly person’s videos without specifically searching for poly related videos. Sometimes, the video isn’t even about polyamory or anything, but the creator happens to live a poly lifestyle openly and frequently posts videos answering their audience’s questions. 


While reality shows like Sister Wives have given our community exposure, there’s an added layer of relatability when it comes to influencers versus reality TV stars. This may be a result of some reality TV shows seeming produced, or just the fact that they’re on TV makes them less “real” in our minds sometimes. 


Additionally, a poly influencer’s content usually isn’t defined solely by their lifestyle. Obviously, we know that being poly isn’t the sole defining factor about ourselves, but this is something often overlooked by other people. Many people hear poly - especially polygamy - and expect you to look and act a certain way, or at least for your whole personality to be based on this one aspect about yourself.


So by learning about poly lifestyles through someone they trust, but whose content focuses on other things, it shows Gen Z-ers that being poly is, well, pretty normal. By not making their poly lifestyle the main focus of their content, they show their young viewers that it’s not something that’s always going to be a spectacle to everyone. 


However, there are some people who post content that does focus heavily on their poly lifestyle, which has its own benefits. These are the influencers who people that think they might be poly go to get some more information or just observe their dynamic. 


Gen Z has a unique opportunity to learn about poly people and families from a variety of different perspectives. And, they can do so comfortably and at their own pace without having to actually interact with the people they’re observing.


Will More of Gen Z be Poly Than Previous Generations?

With all of the above being said, it’s important to note that increased exposure and normalization of poly dating doesn’t equate to more people being poly when they’re older. While we have seen an uptick in consensual non-monogamy in Millennials and older Gen Z-ers, a lot of people also choose to not label themselves, which is perfectly fine. 


The reason we’re writing this article isn’t to hypothesize that there will be more polyamorous or polygamous relationships in the future. Instead, we simply think it shows that more people will be open to the idea of it for themselves as well as for others. 


What we think (and hope) the information here shows is a continued increase in not only acceptance, but support for the poly community. Knowing that Gen Z is open-minded like Millennials but more outspoken activists on causes they believe in, we can’t help but have faith that this generation will help bring progress to our community. 


How the Sister Wives Dating Website is a Resource

We hope this and all our articles are a resource to people of all ages and generations who are exploring polygamy. The key to understanding is through connection, something we are passionate about here. 


That’s why it’s free to access several resources on our website, including articles, our member blogs, user forums and more. Our members have shared our real experiences and perspectives in the hopes that someone else can learn from it. 


We encourage everyone interested in poly lifestyles to read up on these, even if they’re just intrigued by the topic, and look forward to seeing what progress Generation Z brings to the poly community in the future!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


In the poly dating world, sometimes it feels like just setting up a legitimate date is half the battle. Casual dating is great if that’s what you’re looking for, but as a polygamist, you’re probably only looking for something serious. Here are some signs of what to look for when figuring out if your newest partner is serious about polygamy - and about you.


Looking for your perfect match? Download the official Sister Wives polygamy dating app FREE in the Google Play Store or launch our PWA App for Apple and other mobile devices!


Their Actions Match Their Words

When you’ve found someone who is serious about polygamy, the most obvious sign is that their actions align with their words. If you set a date with them, you know you can rely on them to show up. Too often, we find ourselves accepting partners who don’t value our time and effort. Setting a date with someone who isn’t serious about you usually feels like a tentative plan, even if neither of you has expressed this. 


Sure, sometimes things come up. Some people do have crazy jobs and/or schedules. However, this doesn’t excuse them if they constantly reschedule or forgetting dates. It also doesn’t excuse them if they continuously don’t call or text when they say they will. The fact is, if someone is serious about joining your poly family, they’ll make time. 


This goes both ways. If a partner acts loving and seems very interested in you while on your date, but says they don’t know when (or if) they’ll be ready to commit, listen to them. If they’re meant to join your family, they’ll find their way back to you when they’re ready. This can be hard to do, but you can’t force something to work that’s just not meant to be. Any time spent trying to do so is just time taken away from finding the right poly partner. 


They Make You Part of Their Life

Someone who is serious about you shows this by introducing you to their lives. They’ll want to take you to their favorite places and to meet their favorite people. It’s important to ask about your partner’s friends and family toward the beginning of your courtship. If they say they aren’t ready to talk about it, that’s totally fine. Not everyone has a good relationship with their families and/or a steady group of friends. 


Maybe they have children from a previous relationship. Maybe they just need a little more time before they feel certain enough about your relationship to meet your spouse(s) and/or other partner(s). Some things take time, which is totally understandable! The key thing to look for here is if they’re giving you insight into why and expressing intent to making this a goal to meet together. For example, “I would love for my kids to meet you, but it’s important to me to be super cautious when it comes to who is in their lives. Let me think about a timeline for you to meet them that I’d be comfortable with.”


However, at a certain point in your relationship, your partner should begin to grow more and more comfortable telling you things about themselves. It’s always important to respect people’s boundaries, but someone who isn’t ready to be open with you may not be ready for the kind of commitment a polygamist marriage takes. The point is, in a serious relationship, you have to show you’re ready to work toward merging your lives together. 


They Talk About Your Future 

Think about going on a first date. How do you know if it went well? If you make plans to see each other again. Keyword: Plans. The more serious you get about one another, the further out your plans for the future should go. These don’t have to be huge, life-changing plans. Just things that move your relationship forward. 


They’ll want to know what your plans are, too. They show this by asking questions about your long-term goals like: Are you planning to have any (more) children? Do you see yourself living in this area for a long time? These are questions that most people would feel comfortable asking in the first few conversations with you if they’re looking for someone to settle down with.


Someone who is ready to commit to a long-term poly relationship or marriage with you will show this by taking the right steps forward. They might need guidance on what those steps should be, but they should show that they want to work on moving forward together. When each partner in the relationship is committed to it long-term and knows how to communicate, setting milestones should come naturally. If planning your future feels one-sided on your end, or finding out what they want from your relationship next feels like pulling teeth, then they probably are not ready to get serious.


They Move at a Healthy Pace

Every relationship timeline looks different, but a serious partner won’t drag out each phase. They also won’t rush into anything. If they aren’t sure about becoming poly, that is their decision to make. It’s definitely something that might require a bit of thought. It’s important that you know and express that to them. Otherwise, they may freeze and struggle to make a decision, or jump into something their heart isn’t really in.


A healthy pace includes lots and lots of communication for everyone involved. Eventually, your other partners will need to weigh in on what steps work for your family. Integrating a new partner into the mix can be both a loving and stressful time. Make sure you, your new partner, and current partner(s) are all on the same page!


When you sign up with a Sister Wives, you’ll find much more than a poly match: You join our community too! We offer our members access to several helpful resources as they embark on their dating journey including articles, community forums to ask for advice in, and individual blogs to read about other people’s journeys. 


Ready to meet your perfect match? They could be waiting for you here now, so sign up today!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


I’ve written my fair share of poly dating guides. I’ve expressed my thoughts on how to become a sister wife, how to bring up polyamory to your partner, and even how to navigate the sexual spectrum of poly relationships. Here, I’m focusing on how to find a second wife--or a third, and fourth without putting any pressure on your current relationship. Your first instinct might be to browse the usual poly dating apps--Feeld, OkCupid, Sister Wives, etc.--but there are other steps you can take beforehand.


1. Don’t force it

In a monogamous relationship, not every person you meet is a life partner candidate. Moreover, good relationships feel natural and effortless. Of course, all great relationships need effort, but the start of one blossoms without it being forced. If it doesn’t feel right, you probably shouldn’t pursue a relationship further than platonic friendship.


Granted, meeting people naturally on dating sites sounds like an oxymoron, but even these digital encounters should have a genuine, organic feel. When you’re on dating sites long enough, you start to be able to filter out who wants a real connection and who’s up for a short-term fling. There’s no problem with either, which brings us to our next step.


2. Set boundaries, but don’t limit yourself

When dating online or preparing yourself for the dating world in general, don’t be so consumed by a “Dream Wife'' checklist that you’re rejecting people left and right. You might (or probably already have) discuss what type of person you want your second wife to be with your current spouse. You might even discuss personality, life goals, sexual orientation, poly attitudes, etc. While it’s great to have a general sense of what type of people you want to surround yourself with, a strict list of requirements might set you back.


You miss out on great people who might not fit your description of an ideal second wife on paper. After all, the attributes on a dating site profile or app can only tell you so much about a person. The only way to know for sure if they’re the right fit is to give them a chance. You might be surprised at how much your ideal second, third, or fourth wife might actually be a completely different person than what you imagined.


3. Let your heart lead, but be realistic

New relationship energy (NRE) is a thing. You might even feel it strongly in the early dating stage. In fact, another word for it is the honeymoon phase where the people in the newfound connection feel giddy (euphoric, really) to the point where everything feels right and magical. At its worst, new relationship energy can lead you (the man) to always be seeking out new potential partners and getting lost in the dating stages, leaving your first wife on the back burner as you expend all your energy in searching out and wooing new potential wives.


So my humble piece of advice would be to check yourself whenever you find that the NRE is turning into an urge and not necessarily a genuine romantic feeling. While you may be a sociable person who just tends to hit it off with many people, be wary of how much energy you expend in your dating ventures.


4. Be safe, and trust your gut

Let’s talk safety. Safe sex is a common topic in poly circles, and rightly so. Depending on you and your polycule’s sexual orientations, safe sex and open communication about it helps build trust between everyone. It also ensures everyone’s personal health and safety, no matter how many people are involved in the relationship.


Another part of safety is safety in meeting people offline. In your search for finding a second wife, you might be eager to meet quickly and without thought. The sad truth is, there will always be people who don’t care about others’ safety and actively want to harm others. A safe practice is meeting in public for the first time, providing you with a harmless exit strategy should you want to leave the rendezvous. 


In more extenuating circumstances like, say, a global pandemic, meeting responsibly is also a matter of public duty. When in doubt, video calls are always a great way to break the ice before meeting in person. This way, you can gauge a person’s intentions and personality without taking on too much risk.


5. Try different dating sites

You might be a staunch Sister Wives user or a diehard Feeld customer, but exploring different  platforms is worth it when trying to find a second wife. Similar to how you wouldn’t frequent the same bar every weekend in the hopes of meeting new people, you might dip your toes in other dating apps to broaden your horizons. If you feel frustrated or begin to feel like you’re forcing it (See Step 1), take a break from dating and return when you feel ready again. It isn’t fair to you or others when you’re dating with an affected mindset.


6. Let it happen naturally

This next suggestion is a slight reiteration of Step 1, but I feel the need to keep it as a separate step. Many poly relationships do start on dating sites like Sister Wives, but many others begin somewhere random. Maybe your coworker’s friend’s cousin just happened to attend a networking event and you were introduced by chance. Maybe you’ll take a different route home one day and decide to try a new restaurant where you’ll meet and find your future second wife. Yes, this sounds like a terrible cliché, but love really can be found in the most unexpected places. If you’ve got a particularly interesting meet cute with your wives or partners, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


A lot has changed as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. While most things were slowing down, dating apps saw a spike in traffic. Though obviously dating apps are not a new concept, they suddenly became the only option for many people’s love lives. 


In this blog post, we’ll tell you what to expect when poly dating post-COVID. We’ll also dive into what a healthy balance of online and “real world” dating looks like as you set out to build your polygamist or polyamorous family. 


Bumble and Tinder aren’t the only dating apps: Download the official Sister Wives polygamy dating app FREE in the Google Play Store or use our Progressive Web App for Apple and all other mobile devices!


Pros of Online Poly Dating

When you’re a polygamist, it’s more difficult to meet someone organically in public than it would be for someone who is monogamous. That’s why many poly people have turned to online dating. Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble have broken the mainstream in the last few years and have been successful for many.


We’re sure some poly people have found a couple dates there too, as long as they clarified what they were looking for beforehand. That’s the beauty of dating apps and websites: You can communicate with each other without exchanging contact information first. This is a great way to feel each other’s personalities (and standards for a partner) out before meeting in person. 


At Sister Wives, we actually have a polygamy matchmaking system in place to make it easier for our members. This system analyzes every user’s profile information and matches people based on that info. It helps you enter the dating pool starting with more compatible users, and also notifies you whenever a potential match has signed up.


Along with most other dating apps nowadays, we also offer video chatting. Since March 2020, video dates have become a much more used option than they were before. Of course there hasn’t been many other choices, but many believe video chatting is here to stay.


Why? Because video chats offer a natural next step in between talking online and meeting in person. Sure, you can message people all day long and feel you’re hitting it off. But without speaking face-to-face (digitally) you simply cannot know how well you will mesh. 


With a texting conversation, you can take as long as you need to think of a good response before actually hitting send on your reply. If you’re nervous around new people or don’t do well with awkward silences, video dating is a great way to test the waters without actually getting stuck at a restaurant or somewhere you can’t easily excuse yourself from. That’s not to say you should never date in the real world again (we’ll tell you why you should in a minute!) but it does relieve a lot of pressure and make your first in-person meeting that much more comfortable. 


This is especially true when it comes to poly dating. The poly community faces its own unique set of potential complications. Just like we feel more comfortable talking over messages, so do phonies. Unlike monogamous people, we join dating sites because we are looking for something serious. Which makes it that much more disappointing if a date stands you up at a public location after you spent time getting ready and making your way there.


Cons of Online Dating

The most obvious con is not exclusive to polygamy dating, but is definitely very prevelant: Catfishing. Catfishing is known as when someone uses photos that don’t belong to them and pass them off as their own online. However, it often goes a lot deeper than that. 


Many catfishes intentionally hurt people for their own amusement. Or, they’re just fulfilling some social desire or using someone’s affections to profit financially. Catfishes aren’t just defined by the pictures they use. They’re defined by lying about their identity. 


When it comes to people who catfish in the poly world, there are people who could fit the bill as a typical catfish. However, something that’s more common to happen on polygamist dating websites: People are curious. They see the television show with the same name as our Sister Wives website and decide to sign up. 


This would be great if the person was both curious AND open to the idea of finding poly love online. Unfortunately, they usually aren’t. The good news is that Sister Wives (and we hope all dating apps) are heavily monitored for fakes. 


If you come across someone who is disingenuous, report them immediately. Be sure to read our previous article on spotting the red flags in online poly dating to learn how to recognize the signs.


Another con is the obvious missing connection. Sure, video chatting can answer a lot of questions about how you’ll click with someone but at a certain point, you want to spend time with them in person. As amazing as the level technology has progressed to is, nothing will ever beat hitting it off in person!


How to Merge The Two Worlds

Online dating may not be a permanent polygamy dating solution, but it sure does give you options. We strongly recommend video chatting before meeting anyone in person. Do this as early on as possible. That way, you’ll spend less time getting your hopes up if it doesn’t work out. Alternatively, you’ll be able to erase those doubts and be able to fully enjoy getting to know your potential partner now that you know they’re, well, themselves!


In short, always take advantage of the comforts and insight gained from dating online. It’s a great way to date at your own pace and avoid unnecessary anxiety so you can have the best poly dating experience possible!


A perk of joining a poly matchmaking site like Sister Wives is that you won’t just find a match, but a community as well. We offer our members access to several helpful resources as they embark on their dating journey including articles, community forums to ask for advice in, and individual blogs to read about other people’s journeys. 


Our goal has always been to help polygamists and polyamorous people find love and happiness. Your perfect match could be waiting for you here now, so sign up today!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com



From craft coffee to artisanal sandwiches to monthly therapy, millennials are no strangers to self-care. But how is this self-aware generation faring in the dating world? Unfortunately, they fall victim to modern challenges too often--particularly ghosting, the hook-up culture, and saturated apps. So where do millennials stand on poly dating sites and poly life? Unsurprisingly, they’re more receptive to non-monogamous relationships, polyamory, and open relationships.


What poly dating sites do millennials use?

Even with the advent of social media, apps, and dating sites, it can be difficult to find the right poly match precisely because of these platforms. Millennials use Sister Wives, #open, and other mainstream sites or smartphone apps. However, very popular platforms tend to attract a more questionable crowd that often gives poly dating sites (and poly relationships overall) a bad rep. These sites comprise match.com and Tinder (just two out of many non-poly-friendly sites) where you’re likely to encounter feigned interest and people thirsty for a hook-up in the name of sexual exploration. 


To be fair, some poly individuals have probably found worthwhile relationships on these sites, but we don’t have the data for conclusive statements. Nevertheless, this means polyamory visibility and access to good poly dating sites are on the rise. According to a study by OkCupid (Tinder’s older sibling) in 2016, 42% of its users expressed that they would be interested in entering a relationship with someone already in a polyamorous arrangement. Though a little outdated by our standards, this figure is a noteworthy discovery.


Are millennials more likely to be in poly relationships than Baby boomers?

Research by the Institute for Family Studies suggests that Baby boomers are more approving of monogamous relationships as the status quo compared to younger generations (Hawkins & Smith, 2019). In the same vein, the Silent Generation (their parents), are less likely to have been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship or be interested in entering one. By contrast, millennials are more interested in consensual non-monogamy and are far more likely to have tried it in the past.


It’s safe to assume that millennials are then more likely to be in a poly relationship compared to their predecessors. Although some of our elders are credited with bringing poly love to the forefront via polycules in the 1960s and 1970s coupled with the invention of birth control methods, it seems that an even larger number still value the normal family unit of a straight, monogamous relationship epitomized by children.


Some argue that this warmer reception by millennials and higher poly instances in their group are due to the changes in marital expectations and timing. This claim might have some substance to it. After all, millennials are eschewing tradition by focusing more on careers, choosing marriage less and less, and straying from the nuclear family model. Furthermore, when millennials do get married, they tend to get married at a later age. 


This longer period between single life and married life (or a marriage equivalent) is where many say millennials get to explore and try new things, including consensual non-monogamy, but the study we provided above found that even with these factors in mind, millennials are still more likely to be in a poly relationship or at least consider it. We may never know exactly why this is so, but it’s still a compelling correlation we’ll keep an eye on throughout the years.


How is poly dating in millennials being undermined?

Besides limited representation in media and pop culture, poly dating is also vastly misunderstood in psychological circles. In fact, according to the study Polyamorous Millennials in Therapy: Interpreting Experiences to Inform Care by Rebecca Calhoun-Shepard, many psychologists aren’t trained to counsel or help treat poly millennials regarding self-identity issues, dating challenges, and other personal struggles. Therapists commonly play down poly clients’ issues and try to help clients solve their life’s dilemmas through a monogamous lens, thereby wasting time, money, and effort, while making the client feel shameful, helpless, and rightfully misunderstood (Calhoun-Shepard, 2019).


Of course, these unique obstacles don’t just stem from intentionally insensitive therapists, but also from a lack of research about poly clients in a psychological context. In Calhoun-Shepard’s breakthrough study, therapists describe their experience evolving from an uninformed provider to an empathetic one as a type of awakening, aptly nicknamed “getting it.” Instead of treating clients with a preconceived notion of poly relationships, they worked hard to reframe their way of thinking to best serve their patients.


This approach of being an educated ally is something we can scale up with a larger audience. Instead of relying on monogamous codes of conduct, we should open up the table to include alternative lifestyles, especially in professional settings. Sadly, people who do not understand or disagree with poly lifestyles might reflexively feel like they’re sacrificing their pride or values when they decide to change their views about poly dating.


What’s the future of poly dating sites and millennials?

Baby Boomers and Silent Generation constituents are quick to criticize millennial habits, but the truth is, millennials care, and they care deeply. Sure, they might splurge on a fancy sandwich with avocado, free range chicken, and fair trade vegetables, but this just means they recognize the costs of sustainable production and are willing to support it with their dollar. Yes, millennials are quick to cancel a celebrity or influencer, but this means they don’t stand for hate, bigotry, or other forms of animosity. 


And yes, millennials are more likely to use dating sites to meet potential partners, but at the same time, they’re also more accepting of different lifestyles in general. Whether millennial interest in poly dating is rising because they feel that poly life is a natural course of action after hundreds of years of traditional partnerships or if it’s because they’re more likely to seek meaningful connections, one thing is for sure: poly dating sites will continue to be a prominent feature in the dating realm.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com



You may have recently realized you’re polygamous or polyamorous, or are a poly person who recently met a new potential partner. However, while it’s important to live an authentic life, it’s unfair to assume your partner or spouse - or potential partner or spouse - is automatically okay with a non monogamous relationship. To help you all navigate, the Sister Wives team has compiled a few ways to ensure all partners are onboard with a poly relationship.


Educate them

If your partner or potential partner are new to the poly lifestyle, it’s important to educate them. There are two overarching areas of poly: Polygamy and polyamory. Which do you identify with? It’s also okay if you don’t want to label it. Education on poly lifestyles is important, and you can learn a lot by reading the articles section of the Sister Wives dating website. The most important thing, though, is that you explain what it means to you.

 

What we mean by that is, explain why you feel drawn to polygamy or polyamory. That answer, while it will sound different for everyone, probably won’t be “because my current partner isn’t enough”, and that is what most monogamous people are afraid of. They feel that by opening your relationship to another partner, you’re saying they aren’t enough for you. This clearly isn’t the case, so just be sure you’re compassionate when communicating with them about being (or becoming) poly.


Address the sigma around polygamy and polyamory

People are becoming more and more accepting of poly lifestyles every day. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean the stigma and bias poly people face has disappeared. Polygamist, polyamorous or otherwise multi-person marriages are illegal across the US as well as several other countries. Recently, there have been a few steps in the right direction, including the decriminalization of polygamy in Utah last year. Even more recently, Cambridge, Massachusetts, announced in March 2021 it will legalize domestic partnerships between three or more people.


Understand the history

While there is progress, it’s happening at a slow pace. For polygamy marriages, this is partially because of its association with religious groups such as Mormons and Muslims, and many feel the US should operate under Christianity. Some religion-based polygamists have pressured women into opening their marriage to sister wives.

 

While this is not and should never be something included in polygamy, it’s important to acknowledge it has happened to people in the past, and is currently happening to some people - mostly women - in other countries that practice polygamy. Modern polygamists have to understand where this bias comes from, because it shows how important consent is. This is a huge thing you should be prepared to discuss with your partner. If they aren’t on board with polygamy, you have to accept that. Even if that means you have to part ways.

Another reason poly marriages struggle with gaining legality: Taxes. There is an argument that multi-spouse marriages would give those households unfair advantages when it comes to paying taxes. Unfortunately, it is much easier for lawmakers to ignore the poly community rather than reform the current tax system in place.


Unpacking biases

Obviously, polygamous and polyamorous people don’t want to get married to cheat the tax system. While it would probably make filing easier, they want to get married because they have the right to be who they are. That, and the fact that partners who aren’t legally married don’t get the benefits that monogamous spouses have. For example, insurance companies and hospitals don’t have to recognize the marriage.

 

Plus, not many people know or understand why poly marriages are illegal, they just know that it is. Sadly, most people also don’t research things like this until it impacts them directly. So there’s a decent amount of people who look down on something they don’t really know anything about simply for the fact it’s not what they deem ethical.


Give them time

As we said at the beginning of the article, you can’t expect a partner or potential partner to jump on board right away. They may not be on board until months later, if at all. This is a lot of information to take in, after all.

 

If they express interest but want to learn more, then great! Use the section above to help you lead some honest and real conversations with them about why they’re hesitant. Don’t pressure them to give you a response by a certain deadline.


What if my partner freaks out upon me telling them?

Know that any big reactions stem from a place of hurt and/or fear. You have to be patient and show them you understand where they’re coming from. Be sure to spend some time preparing for the conversation both mentally and emotionally. Mentally, because you want to be prepared to answer their questions and explain to the best of your ability. Emotionally, because you may not get the response you want to hear.

 

It is possible that you could lose a monogamous partner or spouse by telling them you're poly. As hard as that would be, you deserve to live authentically. And so do they. If you can’t bring yourself to be monogamous and they can’t become poly, you will both have to move on. Because it isn’t fair to either of you to pressure the other into being something you’re not. It’s also unfair to keep something from a partner, so always be honest about who you are.


Utilize Sister Wives as a Resource

Whether you go into the poly dating world with a partner or alone, the Sister Wives dating website is here to help you along your journey. We’ve already mentioned our articles, but that’s not all we have to offer our members. Be sure to check out our member forum, where people who have been or are in your shoes ask and answer each other's questions, as well as support one another. You can learn more about other people’s stories by checking out member blogs, too. Whatever step of your journey you’re on, know that you’re not alone.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Sister Wives How To: Talk About Changing the Rules


One of the defining characteristics of poly+ relationships is the amount of talking you have to do to keep things running smoothly. While most practitioners know how to handle the day-to-day (how are chores being divided, what’s the schedule for the week, where to have dinner out), conversations about changing the rules of the relationship can feel intimidating and complicated. After all, the potential for conflict increases exponentially with every additional person in a relationship!

 

But in order to keep any relationship healthy, it’s important to go deep every so often and make sure you’re all as happy as you can be together. (Keep in mind, this guide is written with the intention of helping people already in poly+ relationships, but the general principles can also apply to talking to your partner about trying the poly+ lifestyle.

 

  1. Reflect on What Your Deal breakers Are
    First, talk to yourself. Think about what you like and dislike about the way the relationship is currently structured, and what rules feel like a burden. Take some time before you have the conversation to envision your perfect relationship, both in the abstract and with the people you’re currently with.

    Then, journal or record voice memos about what makes you feel happy, alive, and motivated to be your best self. Consider if there are expectations from your partners or yourself (said or unsaid) that feel antithetical to who you are and want to be as a person and partner. If you’re unsure of where to start, try these prompts: “This is what happens on the days I feel happiest…”, “This is what happens on the days I feel saddest…”, and “I feel the most like myself when…”

  2. Schedule the Conversation

    When you feel ready to have the conversation, talk to your partners about it in advance. Schedule a time when you will all be most likely to be fed, rested, and calm. Try to make it a time when you won’t have to rush from or to anywhere, and when you’ll all have the opportunity to wind down afterwards, whether it’s together in a cuddle puddle, or solo with each of your thoughts. Offer the same prompts and practices you use to be prepared. Most people feel nervous when they hear the phrase “we need to talk” without context, so try saying something like this: “I love you and I want to make sure we’re taking care of each other in the right way. I’d like to have a conversation about how the relationship is working for all of us on [DATE] at [TIME]. Here’s something I’m thinking about so I’m ready for it, would you be up for trying it too?”

  3. Be Honest About What You Need

    At the appointed date and time, show up with your best self. Be ready to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Make sure to have snacks and drinks at hand so if the discussion takes a while, no one gets hangry (but you’re probably better off skipping alcohol or heavy drinking). Ensure everyone has an equal chance and time to talk (an egg timer or stopwatch on your phone works well for this). When it’s your turn to speak, don’t shy away from what you really need, whether it’s dipping into new bedroom activities like BDSM or group intimacy, or needing time to yourself on Thursday nights to catch up on your novel reading. The only way you get what you want is by asking for it with words.
     
  4. Approach Conflicts as a Team

    As you listen to your partners, use the mindset of listening to understand, rather than respond. You might find yourself having strong, immediate reactions, and the impulse to interrupt them if you feel they’re wrong. That’s perfectly human, but not necessarily perfect for the discussion!  Rather than interrupting, make a mental note or write down your reaction so you can talk about after they finish their thought. When you find you have a conflict of need or desire, problem-solve together. It’s you as a team against the problem, not against each other. Yes, sometimes you’ll find that your needs are incompatible, but it’s better to know and make a decision than burning out the relationship and each other.

Keep Talking

After the conversation, you hopefully have adjusted your relationship rules so they work beautifully for everyone! Even so, give yourself time to wind down and reflect. In the days and weeks following, keep talking to each other and adapting what you’ve agreed on as you apply the rules to everyday life. It might be clear that Thursday nights aren’t great because one partner needs the living room for their DnD sessions, but Wednesdays are perfect instead. Life changes your circumstances all the time, so keep the lines of communication open, and remember to celebrate when you make decisions that keep the relationship healthy, happy, and vital.










Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Even with the rising support of feminism and the LGBTQIA+ community, polygamy is often cast aside as the weird, freaky one in the group. Thanks to pop culture and the inescapable narrative of straight, monogamous relationships, alternative romantic and sexual lifestyles like polyamory are often vilified. It’s easy to reciprocate hate and animosity, but the poly community believes in friendly exchange of ideas. So it’s time to set the record straight and bust some myths about polygamy, polygyny, polyamory, and consensual non-monogamy as a whole.



Why all this hate against polygamy?


It would be foolish to ignore some of the darker histories associated with polygamy, especially polygyny. Polygyny, the marriage of one man to multiple wives, is often compared to society’s patriarchal nature. Men in power enjoying the benefits of multiple women partners has negatively influenced the cultural attitude towards poly lifestyles.


Most notably, religious male leaders or abusive male partners have traditionally coerced young women into non-consensual (or seemingly consensual) relationships--a big source of hate against polygamy. This is a despicable stain on polygamous relationships, but only a small fraction of what it actually is now.



Is polygamy just another form of patriarchal control?


Today, polygamy’s rebirth clearly demonstrates that the former imbalance of power and choice between man and woman is finally leveling out. Moreover, polygamy today has a broader definition. It’s no longer a strict bond between a straight man and multiple wives or a straight woman and multiple husbands. For starters, bisexual men, bisexual women, queer men, or queer women can enter a polygamous relationship if they choose to.


The key is in everyone’s consent and honest communication. No two relationships are exactly the same, after all. Just like a monogamous couple might clearly define their boundaries about what cheating constitutes in their household, a polygamous couple in the dating stage can define what makes them uncomfortable and what the other people in the relationship can do to build trust.


Women--or anybody, for that matter--are no longer forced into a polygamous relationship for fear of violence or evil consequences. The polyamory and polygamy dating world is actually rooted in choice. In a way, modern polygamy flips the table on patriarchal ideals. Women are free to choose what they want, even if they are in a polygamous relationship. They may even enter a relationship with a sister wife should they desire to do so.


Renowned researcher and expert in consensual non-monogamy Dr. Elisabeth Sheff perfectly sums up the anti-patriarchal nature of polyamorous relationships in her article, “Polyamory is Deviant--But Not for the Reasons You May Think.” The three main reasons being that women are now on equal negotiating status with men, women can now pursue multiple partners if they choose to, and that polyamory forces us to ask questions like, “Why is monogamy so pressed into our society that we feel like it’s the only choice?” When it comes to polygamy, choice is front and center, so the argument that polygamy is just another form of patriarchy is extremely weak.



Is polygamy dating an abnormality only a few people practice?


It might surprise you to know that about 22% of Americans have been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship at least once (Haupert, 2016). Judging by the rising visibility of polygamous relationships in the media, this number has likely increased since the article’s publication. It’s safe to say polygamy dating and the polyamory world isn’t just an anomaly a few hundred people practice in secret.


Chances are, you know people who are in polyamorous or polygamous relationships already. Although recent legislature like Massachusetts’ broadened definition of a relationship to include households with more than two adults is a step in the right direction, polygamy representation still has a long way to go.



Polygamy dating is just an excuse for sexual experimentation


Perhaps the most common misconception of all is the inseparable connotation between polygamy dating and sexual exploration. While sexuality has a place in polyamory or polygamy, it’s usually not the only driving force for individuals seeking these types of relationships. Just like one monogamous relationship can prioritize emotional needs over sexual needs, a polygamous relationship might focus on other aspects of a healthy relationship, as well.


In fact, polyamorous dating requires even more mindful relationship building than a monogamous partnership. With multiple people to build a home or relationship with, it requires more mental, emotional, social, and sometimes even more financial effort. As a result, polygamous ties produce deeper commitments that are often harder to shake than a monogamous partnership.


This isn’t to say that every monogamous relationship is fickle, nor that every polyamorous relationship is a serious, lifelong commitment. It’s to say that critics of polygamous relationships can’t--or refuse--to look beyond the stereotype of a hypersexualized polygamous relationship. In Cathy Young’s Time article about same-sex marriage and polygamy, she argues that “..the private sexual choices of adults should not be criminalized. But they are not automatically entitled to cultural approval or societal support systems.” 


This is a vast simplification of polygamy and polyamorous relationships. Again and again, articles like these reduce polygamy and polyamory to a mere sexual preference instead of a relationship choice, perpetuating the tired stereotype that consensual non-monogamy is rooted in sexual deviance.



The future of polyamory, polygamy, and polygyny


The umbrella term of polyamory and its subcategories polygamy and polygyny deserve a place in mainstream media and culture without the obvious prejudice against alternative lifestyles. Although the polygamy dating world is being acknowledged through accessible T.V. shows and docu-series, the focus is often misplaced.


In the future, we hope to be portrayed in a positive, or at the very least objective lens, instead of a side show watched with a discerning eye. For now, we’ll continue to educate and enlighten others without taking offense at deep-seated prejudices or preconceptions. After all, understanding begins with an open conversation.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


The Ultimate Guide to Choosing Your Perfect Poly Partners

 

 

If you’re new to polyamory, potential partners way ahead of you in the game will avoid you like the plague because you probably have a lot to learn and they won’t have the patience. Of course, why would they risk the emotional traumas when they can easily find themselves a stable partner? The stakes are even higher in polygamy, which involves a legally-binding agreement in the form of marriage.


But that’s not necessarily the case for everyone – especially not for those who go through this guide. In this guide, we’ll equip you with all you need to know to present yourself as a seasoned polyamory pro to your potential polygamy partner to make them open up easily to you.


We’ll be covering:


1. Hard facts about finding a partner

2. A checklist for finding partners

3. The best places for finding partners


Let’s dive in!

 

Some Iron-Clad Facts You Shouldn’t Ignore When Searching for a Partner

 

First, let’s talk about some hard facts you need to have at the back of your mind all through your search. These facts are immutable and non-negotiable, regardless of your circumstance. You can’t build a solid foundation for your poly partners if you ignore them.

 

You Need to Find a Polygamy Partner for the Right Reasons

If straight-off the bat you go looking for a partner with the wrong motives, you shouldn’t expect the relationship to work for long.

For a stable, lasting relationship, you’d want to make sure that your motives match the qualities you need in your potential partner. It could be a total disaster if those two don’t meet. For instance, if you’re looking for long-distance relationships, you need to look for a partner who can accommodate your long absence.

 

You Need a Set of Guidelines for the Relationship

A clear set of guidelines will help make your relationship more predictable – especially on your own end. This will help you establish expectations and ease anxiety in the relationship. With this guideline, you’ll know exactly what to do in delicate situations to prevent emotional fallouts.

Here are some questions you should ask yourself when creating your guidelines;


·       What do I generally want in this relationship?

·       What would I love to have but can do without?

·       What are things that I must have?


Use these questions to set guidelines for various circumstances from pregnancy to sharing your living space, and safe sex practices.

 

You can’t Plan Your Partner’s Life for Them

As much as you’d love for your plans for the relationship to pan out well, you shouldn’t bank on the predictions you make about your partner’s behaviors. It’s best to come with multiple plans and an exit strategy to cover just about any event. You can’t dictate how they see and feel about things, so it’s best to focus on your own actions and behaviors in your plan.

 

Your Relationship Can Change or Evolve Over Time

You should also prepare your mind for circumstances where either of you changes your mind about the relationship. But sometimes, this change occurs subtly, slowly eating up the relationship from the inside and building into a serious breach of trust.

It’s best to keep track of any possible changes to your relationship to minimize the damage that might occur down the line. One of the best ways to do this is by creating a relationship playbook that you can frequently revisit and revise whenever you feel something odd is happening.

 

Regular Check-Ins is Essential

As in every relationship, communication is the key in your polygamous relationships. If the channels for communicating thoughts and feelings are blocked or obstructed, the bottled-up emotions and thoughts might be released through other channels that are not healthy for the relationship – jealousy fits, for example.

 

Disagreements are Bound to Happen

You shouldn’t expect your ideal partner to sees eye-to-eye with you in every issue. Rather than making you happy and at ease, a yes-yes partner can quickly bore you out.

A little bit of variety isn’t bad for your relationship, so you need to be prepared to court each other’s differences and agree to disagree.

 

Therapists and Relationship Coaches Can Help You Find a Good Partner

Relationship coaches can help you establish your motives and the right qualities you should expect from your potential partner. They can also talk to your potential partner to help you resolve any critical differences that may fizzle out the flow of the relationship.

 

 

A Checklist for Your Search

Now that you’re acquainted with facts that’ll help you lay a solid foundation for your relationship, you know exactly what your relationship should look like in general.

But you need to drill down more specifically on the qualities of your potential partner. To help you do that, here’s a checklist you should use when checking out potential candidates:

 

What Makes You Jealous?

Some people are fine with their partners having casual sex with others, but not with a deeply intimate relationship – where the partner virtually sells their soul. It can be quite dicey to gauge your jealous impulses – sometimes you need to take the plunge and learn the hard way with a real-life situation.


If you can’t handle seeing your polygamy partner dating others, then you can limit your search to partners who’ll make out with other people while they’re with you. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:


Do I feel secure about this relationship?

What level of commitment can I tolerate in my partner’s relationship with others?

Can we resolve fights easily?

Can we both agree on certain rules and goals?

 

Are You Both on the Same Page over your Relationship Style?

It’s never advisable to go looking for a polygamy partner in a monogamist. You and your partner should agree on the type of relationship you want from the onset. Don’t go in while hiding the fact that you’re looking to have a polygamous relationship. It’s unethical and could backfire.

 

What Motivates Your Partner?

You’ll most likely succeed in your relationship if you and your partner have common goals. For starters, you and your partner need to be on the same page about the limitations of monogamy and how to explore polyamory relationship to fill the void.


A simple motivation to find more love and happiness in life can keep your relationship going during a thorny patch. For polygamous relationships, partners are usually motivated by more tangible benefits like financial stability or ability to support certain lifestyles. 

 

 

Do We Have a Future?

Do you intend to quit the relationship at a certain point in time – probably when you have kids or take on a political office? You should make this clear from the get-go and have your partner prepared for that eventuality.


You can also talk about your future with them anytime you feel like the relationship is heading off the rails. You two should be able to talk to each other comfortably about the future of the relationship whenever something’s bothering you.

 

 

The Best Places to Find Your Polygamy Partners

Armed with your checklist and guidelines for finding polygamy partners and managing your emotions and behaviors, you’re now fully equipped for your search.


Here are some of the best places you should check out first.

 

Ashley Madison

One of the most renowned meeting places for polyamorists on the web is Ashley Madison. With over 54 million users from all works of life, you’ll have plenty of options to explore here. You can also rest assured that the people you meet will most likely get on the same page with you. The platform parades itself as one for the “most open-minded” relationships. Users here range from single to married, sexually curious, and swingers.


The site also has a good track record of safeguarding the security and privacy of its users, so you can feel at ease about sharing your personal information n the platform.

 

Feeld

Feeld is another popular destination for polygamists. However, the user base here isn’t as refined as that of Ashley Madison or other platforms, as it’s mainly frequented by people looking for flings and one-night-stands, not a lasting relationship.


However, with over a million users, you still stand a good chance of finding good partners who share the same goals as yours.


Feeld also has a bad reputation for bugs and glitches in its app, but its website is more stable. Most web and mobile app users enjoy a wide variety of features that connect them with potential partners, including incognito mode, couple accounts, and group chats.

 

Fetlife

If you’re looking for a poly relationship with fringe sexual behaviors like fetishes and BDSM, Fetlife is right in your alley.


The site boasts over 8.5 million users worldwide, many of whom are fervid fans of extreme fringe behaviors.


Fetlife is also integrated with Facebook, with users allowed to share their Facebook groups, events, profiles, and multimedia with others on the platform.

 

OkCupid

One of the oldest dating sites on the internet, OKCupid is one of the best places where you can find polyamory partners today.


But as a long-established platform, OKCupid is heavily frequented by people looking for more traditional relationships. However, given a user base of over 5 million people, you still stand a good chance of finding polygamy partners here.


The platform’s matching system can help you quickly find potential partners, showing you people whose preferences are comparable to yours. Note, however, that polyamory users here often use emojis and code words to describe what they want, so you need to find and use these code words when searching for your partner.

 

Meetup

This platform is also frequented by decent, everyday people looking for poly relationships. The platform can match you with potential partners based not only on your sexual preferences and goals but also factors like hobbies. You might be in luck to find a polygamy partner who not only shares your relationship goals but also shares your same hobbies.


Another advantage of using Meetup is that their user base is spread more evenly across the nation, so you’ll have nearly as many partners to choose from as people living in major cities.

 

 

Connect With Your Polygamy Partner Today

 

You don’t need to make any major lifestyle changes to prepare for your polygamy partner. All you need to do is to come to terms with your emotions and personal needs. Once you’ve established these, you can then set out to find a partner who can cater to those needs. There are a plethora of places to find potential candidates, but you need to ensure that the partner you choose is motivated toward the same goals.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

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