Chris's article

Sister Wives How To: Talk About Changing the Rules

One of the defining characteristics of poly+ relationships is the amount of talking you have to do to keep things running smoothly. While most practitioners know how to handle the day-to-day (how are chores being divided, what’s the schedule for the week, where to have dinner out), conversations about changing the rules of the relationship can feel intimidating and complicated. After all, the potential for conflict increases exponentially with every additional person in a relationship!


But in order to keep any relationship healthy, it’s important to go deep every so often and make sure you’re all as happy as you can be together. (Keep in mind, this guide is written with the intention of helping people already in poly+ relationships, but the general principles can also apply to talking to your partner about trying the poly+ lifestyle.


  1. Reflect on What Your Deal breakers Are
    First, talk to yourself. Think about what you like and dislike about the way the relationship is currently structured, and what rules feel like a burden. Take some time before you have the conversation to envision your perfect relationship, both in the abstract and with the people you’re currently with.

    Then, journal or record voice memos about what makes you feel happy, alive, and motivated to be your best self. Consider if there are expectations from your partners or yourself (said or unsaid) that feel antithetical to who you are and want to be as a person and partner. If you’re unsure of where to start, try these prompts: “This is what happens on the days I feel happiest…”, “This is what happens on the days I feel saddest…”, and “I feel the most like myself when…”

  2. Schedule the Conversation

    When you feel ready to have the conversation, talk to your partners about it in advance. Schedule a time when you will all be most likely to be fed, rested, and calm. Try to make it a time when you won’t have to rush from or to anywhere, and when you’ll all have the opportunity to wind down afterwards, whether it’s together in a cuddle puddle, or solo with each of your thoughts. Offer the same prompts and practices you use to be prepared. Most people feel nervous when they hear the phrase “we need to talk” without context, so try saying something like this: “I love you and I want to make sure we’re taking care of each other in the right way. I’d like to have a conversation about how the relationship is working for all of us on [DATE] at [TIME]. Here’s something I’m thinking about so I’m ready for it, would you be up for trying it too?”

  3. Be Honest About What You Need

    At the appointed date and time, show up with your best self. Be ready to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Make sure to have snacks and drinks at hand so if the discussion takes a while, no one gets hangry (but you’re probably better off skipping alcohol or heavy drinking). Ensure everyone has an equal chance and time to talk (an egg timer or stopwatch on your phone works well for this). When it’s your turn to speak, don’t shy away from what you really need, whether it’s dipping into new bedroom activities like BDSM or group intimacy, or needing time to yourself on Thursday nights to catch up on your novel reading. The only way you get what you want is by asking for it with words.
  4. Approach Conflicts as a Team

    As you listen to your partners, use the mindset of listening to understand, rather than respond. You might find yourself having strong, immediate reactions, and the impulse to interrupt them if you feel they’re wrong. That’s perfectly human, but not necessarily perfect for the discussion!  Rather than interrupting, make a mental note or write down your reaction so you can talk about after they finish their thought. When you find you have a conflict of need or desire, problem-solve together. It’s you as a team against the problem, not against each other. Yes, sometimes you’ll find that your needs are incompatible, but it’s better to know and make a decision than burning out the relationship and each other.

Keep Talking

After the conversation, you hopefully have adjusted your relationship rules so they work beautifully for everyone! Even so, give yourself time to wind down and reflect. In the days and weeks following, keep talking to each other and adapting what you’ve agreed on as you apply the rules to everyday life. It might be clear that Thursday nights aren’t great because one partner needs the living room for their DnD sessions, but Wednesdays are perfect instead. Life changes your circumstances all the time, so keep the lines of communication open, and remember to celebrate when you make decisions that keep the relationship healthy, happy, and vital.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

The Ultimate Guide to Choosing Your Perfect Poly Partners



If you’re new to polyamory, potential partners way ahead of you in the game will avoid you like the plague because you probably have a lot to learn and they won’t have the patience. Of course, why would they risk the emotional traumas when they can easily find themselves a stable partner? The stakes are even higher in polygamy, which involves a legally-binding agreement in the form of marriage.

But that’s not necessarily the case for everyone – especially not for those who go through this guide. In this guide, we’ll equip you with all you need to know to present yourself as a seasoned polyamory pro to your potential polygamy partner to make them open up easily to you.

We’ll be covering:

1. Hard facts about finding a partner

2. A checklist for finding partners

3. The best places for finding partners

Let’s dive in!


Some Iron-Clad Facts You Shouldn’t Ignore When Searching for a Partner


First, let’s talk about some hard facts you need to have at the back of your mind all through your search. These facts are immutable and non-negotiable, regardless of your circumstance. You can’t build a solid foundation for your poly partners if you ignore them.


You Need to Find a Polygamy Partner for the Right Reasons

If straight-off the bat you go looking for a partner with the wrong motives, you shouldn’t expect the relationship to work for long.

For a stable, lasting relationship, you’d want to make sure that your motives match the qualities you need in your potential partner. It could be a total disaster if those two don’t meet. For instance, if you’re looking for long-distance relationships, you need to look for a partner who can accommodate your long absence.


You Need a Set of Guidelines for the Relationship

A clear set of guidelines will help make your relationship more predictable – especially on your own end. This will help you establish expectations and ease anxiety in the relationship. With this guideline, you’ll know exactly what to do in delicate situations to prevent emotional fallouts.

Here are some questions you should ask yourself when creating your guidelines;

·       What do I generally want in this relationship?

·       What would I love to have but can do without?

·       What are things that I must have?

Use these questions to set guidelines for various circumstances from pregnancy to sharing your living space, and safe sex practices.


You can’t Plan Your Partner’s Life for Them

As much as you’d love for your plans for the relationship to pan out well, you shouldn’t bank on the predictions you make about your partner’s behaviors. It’s best to come with multiple plans and an exit strategy to cover just about any event. You can’t dictate how they see and feel about things, so it’s best to focus on your own actions and behaviors in your plan.


Your Relationship Can Change or Evolve Over Time

You should also prepare your mind for circumstances where either of you changes your mind about the relationship. But sometimes, this change occurs subtly, slowly eating up the relationship from the inside and building into a serious breach of trust.

It’s best to keep track of any possible changes to your relationship to minimize the damage that might occur down the line. One of the best ways to do this is by creating a relationship playbook that you can frequently revisit and revise whenever you feel something odd is happening.


Regular Check-Ins is Essential

As in every relationship, communication is the key in your polygamous relationships. If the channels for communicating thoughts and feelings are blocked or obstructed, the bottled-up emotions and thoughts might be released through other channels that are not healthy for the relationship – jealousy fits, for example.


Disagreements are Bound to Happen

You shouldn’t expect your ideal partner to sees eye-to-eye with you in every issue. Rather than making you happy and at ease, a yes-yes partner can quickly bore you out.

A little bit of variety isn’t bad for your relationship, so you need to be prepared to court each other’s differences and agree to disagree.


Therapists and Relationship Coaches Can Help You Find a Good Partner

Relationship coaches can help you establish your motives and the right qualities you should expect from your potential partner. They can also talk to your potential partner to help you resolve any critical differences that may fizzle out the flow of the relationship.



A Checklist for Your Search

Now that you’re acquainted with facts that’ll help you lay a solid foundation for your relationship, you know exactly what your relationship should look like in general.

But you need to drill down more specifically on the qualities of your potential partner. To help you do that, here’s a checklist you should use when checking out potential candidates:


What Makes You Jealous?

Some people are fine with their partners having casual sex with others, but not with a deeply intimate relationship – where the partner virtually sells their soul. It can be quite dicey to gauge your jealous impulses – sometimes you need to take the plunge and learn the hard way with a real-life situation.

If you can’t handle seeing your polygamy partner dating others, then you can limit your search to partners who’ll make out with other people while they’re with you. Here are some questions you should ask yourself:

Do I feel secure about this relationship?

What level of commitment can I tolerate in my partner’s relationship with others?

Can we resolve fights easily?

Can we both agree on certain rules and goals?


Are You Both on the Same Page over your Relationship Style?

It’s never advisable to go looking for a polygamy partner in a monogamist. You and your partner should agree on the type of relationship you want from the onset. Don’t go in while hiding the fact that you’re looking to have a polygamous relationship. It’s unethical and could backfire.


What Motivates Your Partner?

You’ll most likely succeed in your relationship if you and your partner have common goals. For starters, you and your partner need to be on the same page about the limitations of monogamy and how to explore polyamory relationship to fill the void.

A simple motivation to find more love and happiness in life can keep your relationship going during a thorny patch. For polygamous relationships, partners are usually motivated by more tangible benefits like financial stability or ability to support certain lifestyles. 



Do We Have a Future?

Do you intend to quit the relationship at a certain point in time – probably when you have kids or take on a political office? You should make this clear from the get-go and have your partner prepared for that eventuality.

You can also talk about your future with them anytime you feel like the relationship is heading off the rails. You two should be able to talk to each other comfortably about the future of the relationship whenever something’s bothering you.



The Best Places to Find Your Polygamy Partners

Armed with your checklist and guidelines for finding polygamy partners and managing your emotions and behaviors, you’re now fully equipped for your search.

Here are some of the best places you should check out first.


Ashley Madison

One of the most renowned meeting places for polyamorists on the web is Ashley Madison. With over 54 million users from all works of life, you’ll have plenty of options to explore here. You can also rest assured that the people you meet will most likely get on the same page with you. The platform parades itself as one for the “most open-minded” relationships. Users here range from single to married, sexually curious, and swingers.

The site also has a good track record of safeguarding the security and privacy of its users, so you can feel at ease about sharing your personal information n the platform.



Feeld is another popular destination for polygamists. However, the user base here isn’t as refined as that of Ashley Madison or other platforms, as it’s mainly frequented by people looking for flings and one-night-stands, not a lasting relationship.

However, with over a million users, you still stand a good chance of finding good partners who share the same goals as yours.

Feeld also has a bad reputation for bugs and glitches in its app, but its website is more stable. Most web and mobile app users enjoy a wide variety of features that connect them with potential partners, including incognito mode, couple accounts, and group chats.



If you’re looking for a poly relationship with fringe sexual behaviors like fetishes and BDSM, Fetlife is right in your alley.

The site boasts over 8.5 million users worldwide, many of whom are fervid fans of extreme fringe behaviors.

Fetlife is also integrated with Facebook, with users allowed to share their Facebook groups, events, profiles, and multimedia with others on the platform.



One of the oldest dating sites on the internet, OKCupid is one of the best places where you can find polyamory partners today.

But as a long-established platform, OKCupid is heavily frequented by people looking for more traditional relationships. However, given a user base of over 5 million people, you still stand a good chance of finding polygamy partners here.

The platform’s matching system can help you quickly find potential partners, showing you people whose preferences are comparable to yours. Note, however, that polyamory users here often use emojis and code words to describe what they want, so you need to find and use these code words when searching for your partner.



This platform is also frequented by decent, everyday people looking for poly relationships. The platform can match you with potential partners based not only on your sexual preferences and goals but also factors like hobbies. You might be in luck to find a polygamy partner who not only shares your relationship goals but also shares your same hobbies.

Another advantage of using Meetup is that their user base is spread more evenly across the nation, so you’ll have nearly as many partners to choose from as people living in major cities.



Connect With Your Polygamy Partner Today


You don’t need to make any major lifestyle changes to prepare for your polygamy partner. All you need to do is to come to terms with your emotions and personal needs. Once you’ve established these, you can then set out to find a partner who can cater to those needs. There are a plethora of places to find potential candidates, but you need to ensure that the partner you choose is motivated toward the same goals.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

Something many poly relationships encounter is the assumption that polyamory and polygamy are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, which we are not. In order to understand why that is, let’s take a look at the reasons people make these assumptions and why they aren’t correct.

Why Being Poly is Different Than Being LGBTQ

The LGBTQ community, also known as LGBT, LGBTQIA+, LGBTIQAPD, represents individuals who identify as lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgender, or otherwise queer, which is an umbrella term for anyone who is not straight and not cisgender. These terms all identify their sexual orientation, which is part of a person’s identity in relation to what gender or genders they are attracted to.


Polygamy and polyamory are not sexual orientations. Polygamy is almost always heterosexual, with one person who has multiple spouses of the opposite gender, or sister wives. Whereas polyamory is not as clearly defined, and can consist of various types of consensual non-monogamous relationship dynamics including those with LGBTQ individuals. So, if an individual identifies as LGBTQ and poly, they’re part of the LGBTQ because of their sexual orientation not because they’re poly, though many may find the two identities are intertwined.


In short, the difference is that LGBTQ defines a person’s sexual orientation, while polygamist and polyamorous define a person’s relationship style.

Why This Assumption is Made

Poly lifestyles - polygamy especially - often face bias similar to what LGBTQ people have in the past, particularly regarding marriage and acceptance into mainstream society. Some believe poly people deserve a place in the LGBTQ community since they’ve experienced struggles with being outside of the norm, while others feel that they aren’t far enough outside the norm to have a spot in the community. However, most people who are actually part of said norm or new to either community don’t realize the difference between the two because society tends to clump “unconventional” groups together.


There’s also some confusion around the term polysexual in relation to polyamory and polygamy. Polysexuality means the individual is attracted to many different genders, including intersexual or people that don’t identify with the typical definitions for male or female bodies. This may be confusing to some who see poly in the word, but that’s just because the prefix “poly” means “many” and isn’t exclusive to either community, though we do tend to refer to the polygamist and polyamorous communities.

How Our Struggles Are Similar, and How They’re Not

While we cannot say that our struggles are the same, we do share some common ground. Mostly, these similarities are based on the fact that we are both oppressed for being different.  Until 2015, we were both struggling with the fact it was illegal for us to marry. As we all know, not being legally married to a partner is hard both emotionally as well as financially and medically. While many countries have granted marriage equality to same-sex marriage, as they should, polygamist marriages are still illegal. So while some may have assumed that multi-partner marriages would be legalized next, the only progress we have seen is Utah decriminalizing it so that it’s not a felony anymore last year. It’s still a felony in every other state.


Another difference is representation: The LGBTQ community does have more representation in mainstream media than polyamory or polygamy. However, there are also a lot more people in Western culture who identify as LGBTQ. There are also a lot more types of oppression that they have had to face historically that polygamists and heterosexual polyamorous people haven’t faced as much, or at all. None of this is to say one group’s struggle is any less than the other, but to provide context to help unblur the line between the two communities.


Be that as it may, we can all relate to the fact that our relationships are seen by parts of society as immoral, or that something is “wrong with us.” That’s something anyone would struggle with!  People who have experienced that feeling will almost always feel compassionate for others who have as well. We all support the idea that love is love and promote acceptance and support for one another. Our shared experiences make it easy for us to relate and rally behind one another.

In Summary

Polygamy and polyamory are not included in the LGBTQ community because the former defines types of relationship styles and the latter defines kinds of sexual orientations. However, some polyamorous people may also, but not always, identify as LGBTQ while polygamists are traditionally heterosexual. Though some people misidentify us as members of the same community because of our similar experiences of living “different” lifestyles, our experiences are still different and unique to our respective groups. While polygamy and polyamory may not be included in the LGBTQ community and vice versa, we still stand together and support one another in our respective efforts to change the way society regards our relationships.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc:

Photo from:

On Thursday, TLC announced via press release that four fan favorite shows are returning in early 2021. Two of those shows are Seeking Sister Wife, returning for season 3 on February 28, and Sister Wives, returning for season 10 on February 14. Here’s what we know and how we feel about their representation of the polygamy and poly community on television.

Seeking Sister Wife

As we’ve mentioned in a previous blog post, Seeking Sister Wife is one of the polygamist lifestyle television shows we have had the opportunity to help. The hit show explores the lives of five poly families in various stages of looking for a sister wife to add to their lives. With two returning families and three brand new couples looking for poly love - in the midst of a global pandemic, no less - TLC promises this season will be “noisier than ever”.

This season promises to be a “wildly unfiltered” look into these families' ups and downs as they navigate the world of polygamy dating. From a 90-day twist featuring a Brazilian bombshell and divorce, to a fiery live-in clash, all while in quarantine, if there’s one thing we know this season will bring, it’s drama. Hopefully, some of the ups will include tips and ideas for you couples who are seeking a sister wife (sorry, we had to) in a socially distanced setting.

Seeking Sister Wife season 3 premieres on TLC on Sunday, February 28 at 9 p.m. EST.

Sister Wives

In the teaser video for the tenth season of Sister Wives, Kody Brown, his four wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn — and their combined 18 children are temporarily living in four separate homes amidst the coronavirus pandemic. Following their move from Las Vegas to Flagstaff, Arizona, last season, the Browns were hopeful to start a new chapter together. Unfortunately, that does not appear to be the case for this season as frustrations and tensions soar with Meri feeling unloved, Christine saying she "can't do marriage with Kody anymore" and more.

The poly family had planned to live on a massive shared compound before the pandemic forced the four sister wives and their individual children to quarantine separately as Kody attempted to go back and forth safely. This appeared to open up the question of whether or not the four sister wives want to reunite and cohabitate once the pandemic ends, leading Kody to ask the women if they even want to have a relationship with one another. In a confessional, Janelle told the camera “Maybe there are some of us who are like, 'Look, I don't want it anymore.’”

The almost 3-minute clip goes on to show Christine, feeling disconnected from her fellow sister wives, wanting to move back to Utah and Robyn revealing she feels her relationship with Kody is being undermined. Meanwhile, Meri struggles with Kody’s loss of romantic feelings for her. The clip ends with Christine emotionally confiding in Meri that she “can't do marriage with Kody anymore.” Clearly, there will be no shortage of drama for the Brown family and their viewers this season.

Sister Wives season 10 premiers on TLC on Sunday, February 14 at 10 p.m. EST.

What This Means for Polygamy Representation on TV

These two shows are arguably the most mainstream representation of the poly and polygamy dating community to date. Knowing that these shows that are centered around family dynamics similar to our own are popular can be both exciting and frustrating. While it’s awesome to see how much the public has enjoyed watching polygamist families live their lives, these shows also offer a limited (and very dramatic) perspective to viewers who otherwise don’t know much about polygamy.

Even though the shows can be dramatic, they show us so many different perspectives - good and bad - that we can learn from to strengthen our own poly relationships. They also show monogamous viewers how normal and relatable polygamists are. We all feel love and strain in our relationships for similar reasons, and it’s nice that more and more people are finding common ground with the poly community.

That being said, this is also the time of year where Seeking Sister Wife and Sister Wives viewers become curious about how poly dating works and decide to look up a polygamist matchmaking website, find the Sister Wives website, and create a profile. Sometimes this is great! Others are bored and become catfishes or time wasters. We moderate accounts on our site, but have provided tips on how to spot a catfish before you become invested in them.

In Conclusion

We’re excited to watch the new seasons of Seeking Sister Wife and Sister Wives and encourage fellow polygamists to watch as well. Even if reality television drama isn’t your cup of tea, it’s still a great opportunity to engage with viewers online using each show’s
hashtags, which could really help spread accurate awareness of our community. It’s also important we show our support for polygamist representation in mainstream media, especially because the families involved in the shows are members of our community, too.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

When we started Sister Wives as in the beginning of 2008, we started it as a side project. We noticed that they did not have any poly sites out there, just a few forums, and that was it. Robyn and I were primarily doing affiliate marketing full time. We were pretty surprised to see how fast Sister Wives was growing and how much hunger there was for a site like ours.


And since 2010, we have worked pretty endlessly on the site. Many hours of SEO and development went into Sister Wives to make it what it is today.
Our main goal is to provide a safe and effective platform for everyone seeking a poly lifestyle: polygamy, polyamory, polyandry, group relationships, etc.


Our primary focus on Sister Wives is to promote love is love and allow people to love whom they desire, to be who they want to be, and not to be ashamed of that.


Recently we have been dealing with a lot of copycats. Now mind you, most of these copycats are located offshore, primarily in India. These people are in it for one thing only, and that is to make money. Money was never a driving force for Sister Wives. We wanted to provide the polygamous and polyamorous communities with a safe and effective platform to use, and we think we are achieving that goal. It just makes our hearts glow every time we hear about a successful match made on our platform, and we are truly grateful for that and the many dedicated, patient, and loyal customers we have.


We have worked with several TV Programs, including Seeking Sister Wife, This is Life with Lisa Ling - Modern Love on CNN, and a few podcasts as well.

You can read a little about our journey via this Blooming Wellness Blog: Polygamy and Mental Health with Dr. Erin Stair. Since then, we have had another failed attempt of our own pursuing this lifestyle. It was so bad that Dr. Erin Stair did a podcast on it and decided to delete it after a couple of months because, overall, it was pretty negative, and she knew that was not the message we wanted to send.

I would urge everyone out there that is actively pursuing a polygamous or polyamorous lifestyle to be careful, take your time, and get to know someone before you end up getting hurt as we did and so many others have.

Written By: Christopher Alesich, 

I am an advocate of committed and faith-based relationships alike. I am also a dedicated supporter of #loveislove and believe that love is a gift from God. Love has no Limits.


Published By: Christopher Alesich, 

Matchmakers Inc:

Communication is one of the most important things in our lives and relationships, especially when you’re in a poly relationship. Oftentimes, people are hesitant to be too forthcoming with their feelings out of fear it will come across confrontational or an inability to be vulnerable. The truth is, successful polygamist relationships are the result of communicating our most honest and raw emotions. This is the practice of compassionate communication. 

When you communicate with compassion, other people know you’re being genuine and feel comfortable enough to express their feelings to you in the same way. You may think you and your partners do a good job at communicating, but take a moment to reflect on both your day-to-day interactions and the last time someone in the relationship was upset.

Handling Conflict with Compassion

When a polygamist family is dealing with tension, no matter how big or small the situation is,  it can be difficult for everyone to feel heard. This is why it’s a good idea for everyone to sit down and individually share their honest feelings about what’s going on. It’s natural to want to respond immediately, but partners and sister wives need to be mindful and not rush to respond. Each individual should really take their time to understand what is being said and take the time to consider a thoughtful response. This shows that the conversation is important to you, and that you want to handle the person’s feelings with care. 

Remind each other that you are working through this as a team, so no one should go into the conversation with a “me against the world” mindset, or take things as a personal attack.

Seeking Opportunities to be Compassionate

Practicing compassionate communication isn’t limited to handling conflicts- in fact, the more you each practice it in your everyday lives, the easier it will be when dealing with conflicts as a family. 

Each person in a poly relationship has their own needs and preferences, and it takes time for partners and sister wives to learn that. In order to achieve compassionate communication, each member of the relationship needs to make an effort to understand each other and be their authentic selves. 

Practicing compassionate communication in poly relationships by helping curb jealousy, and replacing competition with respect and empathy. Even two of the most different personality types will be able to respect one another if they communicate with respect and understanding rather than judgement. 

Sister wives and partners should always try to speak highly of one another, both directly and indirectly. Finding the good in one another makes it easier to have patience with them when they need you to.

Partners would also be wise to avoid assumptions about one another. No one in the relationship is a mind reader, so if one person says or does something that the others would not do, they should not assume they know the person’s motivation behind it. Instead, respectfully ask them to explain. When treated with respect, your partner will more than likely show you the same respect in their response. 

If a compassionate communication system is not in place, and the feeling of being a team is not achieved, the relationship risks falling apart. Instead of feeling like working together is an uphill battle, face your differences head-on and ask each other what you can learn from it.

Exercises to Help

If you haven’t already, have each sister wife or partner take the love language test followed by the Myers-Briggs personality quiz. Then, read and compare your results as a group. This will help each individual learn both about their own needs and personalities as well as about each other. 

For example, if physical touch is the top love language for one partner but the very last for another, this could lead to friction and misunderstanding. Additionally, if one person’s personality is introverted, an extroverted partner may not understand why the introvert needs time to be alone or acts less social at times.

Another tactic is to practice setting boundaries. In relationships, sometimes it’s hard to say no to something, and people tend to internalize little things that hurt their feelings in an attempt to let it go, but end up just bottling their emotions up until they explode. This scenario isn’t fair to anyone involved.

In poly relationships, a lot can come up that makes partners want to shy away from standing their ground and communicating what they need. Setting good boundaries for yourself is even more important when the amount of people in your relationship increases. Try having each partner write lists of things they absolutely need in a relationship, things they would like but are willing to be flexible on, and things they absolutely would not allow. 

When doing this exercise, encourage one another to address any and every topic they desire to in their lists. Some examples can be how much one-on-one time they need, their desired sex life, living arrangements, etc. This will help each sister wife and partner understand their role in one another’s lives and each person’s boundaries. 

You and your partners are a team, and your goal is to make the relationship emotionally gratifying for everyone involved. You can choose to let your differences be your weakness, or you can choose to make them a strength. For that to happen, ideas and emotions need to be exchanged with one another. Find time to sit down and have a conversation about what a compassionate communication plan looks like for your relationship, and how you can work together to create it.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

Dating and relationships are full of possible errors in judgment or misconceptions. It’s human nature to want something so much you ignore warning signals, or maybe don’t realize the warning signals you’re sending out yourself. Being on the same page and merging your life with one or more people takes work and focus. It’s easy to get too comfortable, or into a routine so heavily that you lose sight of some of the most important aspects of sharing your life successfully. Here are three mistakes to watch for in order to ensure you, and your partners, are truly happy and enjoying life together.

First is not finding the right amount of focus, and in the right areas. 

We can become so focused on the wrong things at the wrong time that other important matters are left neglected. Say a polygamous family has decided it’s time to find a new sister wife to join them, and they’re all excited about the prospect, but they become so centered around the idea they begin to neglect an existing sister wife experiencing a bout with depression. Polygamy dating can require a lot of time and attention, but it becomes a problem instead of something positive when it becomes the center of life instead of the health of your existing polygamous family. Polyamory generally means the idea of dating can be a constant factor in your life, but ignoring the time and effort to maintain existing relationships is not only hurtful, it can ruin everything you’ve already built. Seeking sister wives and growing your polygamous family should be a joyful process for everyone involved. Keep it that way by constantly balancing the needs of your family with the desire to see it grow. This applies to any polyamorous group as well. 

Sort out your standards and structure for the relationship and work together to grow in healthy, constructive, ways.

Second, not revisiting the standards and structure of your poly relationship regularly. People change over time. Staying on the same page in your relationships is vital to ensuring none of your partners or sister wives are simply going along with behaviors that are bothering them so they don’t rock the boat. Nobody wants to become a sister wife to lose all say in the direction of their marriage. Same for anyone in a polyamorous situation. If there are any problems at home, it’s better to respect your partner’s need to feel important than to continue the pursuit for new people to join your group or family. If you feel the need to continue poly or polygamy dating despite any partners emotional difficulties, it’s time to investigate why you’re with this person and how you are likely contributing to their struggle. If things are simply out of step it’s time to renegotiate the structure of your life together. Never be upset if a partner is questioning polyamory or polygamy for themselves. It’s more important to allow them to grow, even if it means they grow away from your life together. Anger is never the answer. Control over another person is never a healthy option. Keeping communication open and mutual respect paramount will foster a thriving life with your poly partners.

Third, avoid stubborn or double standards. It is far too easy to believe so firmly that we are correct about something that we become more obsessed with being right than being happy. I hear it all the time. Many in the diverse world of polyamory and polygamy are convinced they know the formula for an appropriate poly relationship at the expense of everyone that has different ideas. Not only can this attitude cut too many opportunities out of life, it can ostracize a sister wife or lover in your poly group or family that has developed different feelings. 

Being so attached to what you perceive as ‘right’ often results in behavior that is simply wrong. This is not to suggest having standards is not okay, rather to point out that a closed mind typically leads to a closed heart. It’s very possible that you and your poly partners won’t have such a split in opinion eventually, but important that this occurs naturally rather than through any sense of force. This concept can be more difficult for polygamous families with a strong religious base. 

There are standards set forth in religious texts that require families to maintain certain structures and standards. This can still be accomplished with open minds and hearts. Make sure everyone is allowing free conversation without fear of judgment. Finding ways to explore ideas and feelings while following your religious convictions is a journey you can enjoy together.

Double standards are similar in effect. Adopting standards for yourself that don’t match what’s expected of your lovers is abusive behavior. 

This is what leads to cheating and broken hearts. Having conversations to decide how your polyamorous group or family should function should never be done in ways that are sly or dishonest. If you want certain freedoms, you have to give them as well. If you want certain limits, your partners need to offer matching standards. Even if you decide to offer a partner leniency for certain behaviors you don’t want to engage in, it needs to result from an honest conversation, not from deceit. 

Love requires clarity and respect.

Polyamory and polygamy offer a wide array of unique and exciting relationships, but, they also present opportunities to get hurt in unique ways. With great things come great responsibilities. Taking the time to hammer out the details of expectations will prevent too many surprises along the way. Monogamous people have expectations that are already laid out quite clearly. Polyamorous people have to discuss them. 

By determining the way you want your relationships to function, and avoiding the errors listed above, you’ll find your poly relationships are appropriate for you, and they are enhancing your life. It’s exciting to find someone new. Make the excitement last by committing to the behaviors needed to make everyone involved fulfilled and happy on a long term basis.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

The year 2020 seems like it’s out to get us all, and a major result is that a lot of people are experiencing a budget crunch. We’re having to find new and creative ways to work from home when we can, and entertain ourselves in safe and inexpensive ways. It may seem easy to some, but for many, the lack of once every day options and enhanced importance of safety precautions make it difficult to have a little fun. Even if your budget is fine and you live in an area that isn’t enforcing safety protocol, it’s best to be ready for the possibility of another wave of coronavirus, or anything that may occur. Polyamorous groups or families are not immune to the ups and downs of life, which can throw us a curveball any time.

Train your brain to know that money doesn’t mean everything in life. 

Relying on money for everything you’d like to do for fun will only limit your happiness when little money is available. Poly groups and families are often quite fortunate to have multiple lines of income, but finding activities that cost little or nothing provides a path to saving money and being prepared for future shocks. Training yourself to think of inexpensive ideas for fun will keep you and all of your lovers more resilient in the face of anything that may come your way.

The great outdoors has always been a source of fun and relaxation, and it’s making a big comeback for very good reasons. There’s almost no better place than state and national parks to enjoy a long weekend affordably while naturally being socially distanced. Even if your family has been seeking a new sister wife or poly partner, state and national parks are perfect to meet and enjoy a date that can provide enough distance until everyone decides risks are minimal. Few people don’t have some kind of outdoor facility nearby. Look up parks in your area and consider them as an option to enjoy your poly or polygamy date safely. 

Even many city parks are large enough to enjoy an afternoon picnic or evening stroll with a reasonable amount of spacing if necessary.

Then we have picnics! A picnic can be held anywhere with enough outdoor space. They’re also great for people on a budget when you host them as a potluck. Pay attention to the rules in your area on the legal size of social gatherings and plan accordingly. This is, again, a great way to meet potential new sister wives or any poly dates. You can set a theme or show an outdoor movie, or maybe play games like charades that don’t require anyone to spend too much time without a safe distance between them. Being safe doesn’t mean we can’t see each other as long as we’re paying attention to our surroundings and the recommended precautions in our area.

Polyamorous and polygamy dating don’t have to be placed entirely on hold because you’re low on expendable money, or because of a pandemic either. 

If you or a potential partner or sister wife are especially low on spending money, or in an area on lockdown, there is always the online option. Don’t be afraid to host yourself for a candlelit dinner at home while your date hosts themselves as well. Turn on Zoom or Skype so you can all see each other and enjoy dinner chat for the evening. If dinner goes well you may even explore other private activities to share in a private video call. Be careful about settings to make sure nobody else is able to access the session. It’s amazing how intimate we can still be using online services.

For poly or polygamous families that are not currently involved in the dating world, you already have entertainment built into your daily life (assuming you live together). Digging out all of your board games and card games is not only wonderfully nostalgic, it can provide days of fun for the whole family. Of course there are video games and such you can share as well, but using any lockdown time to bring the family closer together should help avoid feelings of isolation. A family that plays together, stays together! Consider inventing your own family games too. 

Anything helps that will keep everyone engaged and able to avoid whatever madness has you locked down together.

Times like the year 2020 may seem too heartbreaking and difficult to be bearable, but if we use our time and efforts wisely, we can actually grow from the experience. The fact that we have to engage in activities in different ways doesn’t mean we have to give everything up. Look at the excellent Saturday Night Live from home episodes. They’re not the polished version of the show we’re used to, but they’re instantly memorable in their own way and we won’t soon forget them. Learning to use our money more wisely and be more creative with our entertainment, and daily lives, in times of struggle will also provide times with the people we love that we won’t soon forget. Start developing your unique traditions and sharing them with friends and family. We will come out of this year stronger and happier if we play our cards right.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

Online dating, including apps, has become the most common way people find each other today. It’s opened up a world where we, seemingly, can find exactly the person that’s right for us. It has also opened the world up to more options than ever. We can look for people according to height, religion, eye color, income, fetishes, political affiliation, and more. The list is endless. In many ways, this is great for people to focus on the most promising prospects. It’s opened up access to polyamorous and polygamous dating. Of course, with all things, good or bad, come consequences that will need to be navigated. How do we take advantage of such a wealth of opportunity and access without falling victim to the shortcomings. How do we make sure we aren’t limiting our options too heavily based on our perceived ideas of perfection?

The existence of incredibly specific parameters certainly helps narrow down dating options, but it also may cut out a number of people that would be an even better match than the ideal you’ve created in your imagination. This is an unfortunate consequence of cutting out natural, real life, interactions while seeking potential partners. It’s especially tragic for polyamorous people. Three people that are already together likely also satisfy so many desires for each other that nobody but the perfect specimen would ever appeal to them unless it was a chance encounter. In order to replicate somewhat more natural encounters online it’s important to develop reasonable ranges of traits that remain in a workable zone. Let’s say a female that is 5 foot 6 inches is into taller men. Rather than insist a man be at least 6 foot 2 inches to date him, consider the fact that a handsome guy that is only 5 foot 10 would likely still be appealing if they had a positive random encounter while out for drinks. It would be better to set your range more broadly in order to not cut out anomalies that could be better options than a perceived perfect choice.

Taking this a step further, for the polyamorous world, it’s also important not to be too heavily focused on a certain type of poly relationship. A woman that wants to become a sister wife may find she is much happier in a poly relationship with much looser boundaries if she’s willing to explore. A polygamous man may find he enjoys a couple wives and a husband if he’s willing to not ignore his bisexual tendencies. Being too focused on a concept can result in undesired outcomes. A man with bisexual tendencies that can embrace them will be much happier in the long run than a man that insists on denying that part of himself. Even if he never acts on it, being open about it won’t leave him feeling so much like he’s missing out.

As a polygamous family works through the decision to start seeking a new sister wife they will inevitably discuss the person they would be ideally looking for. This is where they can avoid missing out on perfect options by remembering to not be too heavily specific. Of course, there are areas where we can’t bend. A very religious family should not date an atheist. However, a Methodist and a Baptist may find their differences to not be difficult to navigate at all. It’s important to not be too strict about options in areas we can easily bend. However, along with a looser approach to finding options should come an ability to vet options more effectively once contact is made. Everyone should have questions they ask everyone that can make sure a person is actually a viable option. It’s fine if the questions are a little overly standard at first, as long as the conversation gets into a natural flow in a reasonable time frame.

Questions about lifestyle, opinions, entertainment, and habits can reveal more about a person than any physical traits or affiliations. If you’re a person that spends Friday night at dinner, then maybe a movie, then bed by 11pm it’s likely a person that regularly stays out dancing until 3am won’t be a good match. If you enjoy only a glass of wine or two in a day, or nothing at all, it wouldn’t make sense to date a person that can’t get through the day without a few drinks at every meal. Your early morning routine being at full odds with a night owl may not always be a deal breaker, but chances are the different lifestyles will clash eventually. Considering the things you can tolerate, the things you cannot tolerate, and the things most important for your overall well being will help you come up with a bit of an intro ‘quiz’ for potential dates. Think of it as being no different than meeting someone in a public place.

Overall, the best way to take advantage of online dating is to find ways to treat it a bit more as chance encounters in public. Don’t be too rigid about saying hello. Don’t attempt to avoid making a few friends along the way. Every person you meet in public isn’t going to end up in your bedroom, just the same as all the people you meet online. Be friendly, enjoy conversations, learn, and explore. The world of polyamory and polygamy dating can be incredibly interesting. You’ll meet people with experiences and backgrounds to share that can help you grow and discover ideas you may have never considered before.

Online dating and social media is beginning to merge in ways that will lead to an increasingly social environment on dating websites and apps. The interesting aspect of this is that ‘hanging out’ on dating sites will continue becoming more like hanging out in a public environment. Taking advantage of this shift, and being more open to people that don’t fit your ideal match, should prove to be successful in finding ultimately better matches. Someone you had a great conversation with a week ago may meet someone they realize would be a great match for you and introduce you! Evolving with online dating, using the groups and hangouts, meeting people just for fun and conversation, and keeping an open mind will lead to a fuller experience with online dating overall. This fuller experience will help everyone find and maintain better relationships. Happy Hunting!

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

Sexual health is important for everyone regardless of sexual orientation, or desired forms of relationships. An important thing to remind oneself, and often, is that sexual health is not only about protecting yourself. Sexual health protects the people you love, and the people with whom you choose to be intimate. It requires all of us to be proactive in order to make the world a safer place. Making love instead of war is great! However, it's good to review some best standards and practices occasionally to make sure you're doing your part to promote everyone’s well-being.

The first standard everyone needs to adopt is open communication. If you aren't mature enough to communicate clearly about your risks and expectations in a relationship, you aren't really cut out for a polyamorous lifestyle. Becoming a new sister wife, or joining an existing poly family of any form, means you could be exposing multiple people to health issues. They deserve a chance to determine the risks they're willing to take, or precautions they choose to employ when given honest circumstances. Families don't look for sister wives or additional partners because they're looking for trouble. Poly and polygamy dating are complicated enough without adding dishonesty or neglect to the mix. 

Choose to be a person that enriches the lives of others by staying on top of your sexual health, and always be forthcoming with potential partners about expecting the same from them.

Everyone should be tested at least annually for conditions that can result from sexual activity. Unfortunately, nothing is foolproof, so it’s better to be safe than sorry. Sexually active people that are sometimes involved outside of a closed family or group need to be screened for STIs at least every six months. Highly sexually active people outside of a closed unit should consider a screening every three months. Any moral hangups about your level of sexual activity need to be set aside. Make sure you're clear of sexually transmitted conditions and find a counselor if you think you might have a sexual addiction, or other behavioral issue. A high sex drive isn't necessarily a bad thing. 

Polyamorous relationships and polygamous families actually provide an environment where a high sex drive can be beneficial. If it becomes problematic, never be ashamed to seek the help you need. Your lovers, sister wives, intimate partners, or otherwise sexually involved people in your life will support you.

On the other end of the spectrum is a low sex drive. Maybe you're having trouble finding a sister wife? Maybe you're questioning your attachment to a polyamorous group? It's normal to feel a lack of confidence at times. The same standard applies that you should never be ashamed of getting the help you need. Physical health, and other health or mental issues, can be the root of a low sex drive too. Don't neglect the importance of your sexual health even when you're not often in the mood. 

A healthy poly family needs intimacy. A healthy poly family will also support each other to attain the intimacy necessary to maintain their bond.

Assuming your polygamous family, or otherwise polyamorous group, is operating as a happy and healthy bunch, there are further things to consider. Allowing our sex lives to become stagnant can actually lead to problems. The ‘if it ain’t broke’ approach doesn’t work with human relationships. People will grow apart and could even lose sexual compatibility if you leave a relationship or sex life unattended. There are people that lose interest in sex as they age, and that’s okay, but, only if the loss of interest in sex is compensated for with other forms of intimacy. Your sex life and your sexual desires belong to you, even if that means losing interest. However, don’t let a sexual dysfunction turn into a lack of desire. Talk to your partners about things they may want to explore. If you’re in a polygamous family maybe its time to look for a new sister wife, or even consider an additional husband for the family. The rules for your relationship are yours to make. Don’t be afraid to try new things or explore new ideas with your life partners. 

Life is supposed to be an adventure.

Throughout the adventures you’ll find with the people you love it’s important to remember to create an environment where honesty and integrity are valued over comfort. If you make it impossible to discuss uncomfortable things you can only expect to be left in the dark when they come up. It’s a dangerous precedent to set when you punish someone you love for their honesty. The core of sexual health is honesty. Be honest with yourself, be honest with your sexual partners, and be honest with your health providers. Most of the situations we get ourselves into can be corrected. Don’t get into a mind set that punishment is the answer. Focus on intent and healing.

Nobody is perfect. To treat others as though they should be perfect is to deny yourself room to make mistakes. No mistake should be allowed to harm others if you can avoid it. Sex creates bonds that can be painful to break so it’s important to approach every sexual relationship with great responsibility. Don’t deny yourself or the people you love the beauty of honesty and integrity from day one of your relationship. Life is much better, and much safer, when we’re all taking excellent care of ourselves and the people we love.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc:

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