Chris's article

Polyamory is a kind of accepted and principled non-monogamy. It entails committed relationships between two and more people. What this means is that you and your partner can have multiple partners. Another word that sounds like polyamory is polygamy. These two are not the same! Polygamy strictly involves marriage while polyamory does not. Read on to find out how polyamorous dating works!

Polyamory Structures

There are multiple polyamory structures. For instance, there is polyfidelity where partners vow not to be sexually involved with anyone who is not part of the group. A triad describes three people who are in a relationship. A quad, as the name suggests, involves four people in a relationship. Lastly, a Vee is formed when one person dates two people but the two people are not dating anyone. These are just the structures that have been observed currently. If you are in a polyamorous relationship, it is crucial that you and your partner(s) define the kind of structure that you want. This makes the relationship easier to sustain.

Cheating in Polyamory

Polyamory, although unconventional, is still a committed relationship, and as with committed relationships, commitments can be violated. If you cross the boundaries defined by the partners in the polyamorous relationship, it might be considered cheating. What cheating means in polyamory is relationship dependent. For instance, you and your partners may have agreed that going out with others without informing beforehand is unacceptable. If you do that, it may be considered cheating or infidelity. Another example is that you and your partners may have agreed to not have any emotionally intimate or sexual relations with people outside of the throuple. If one violates this rule, it can also be considered infidelity. The rule of thumb is this: clear communication between your partners to define the boundaries of your relationship.

Healthy Polyamory

Polyamory can be sexually, emotionally, and mentally healthy for people. Just like monogamous relationships, polyamorous partners have values such as commitment and duty to others. If you can find someone who shares the same values as you do, as in any kind of relationship, you can flourish and be fulfilled.

Jealousy over Your Partner’s Partner

Clearly, polyamory has its own set of challenges that distinguish it from monogamy. How does one distribute the love and attention between all partners in the relationship? Surely it is difficult to manage this emotionally. For example, your partner may spend more time with the other partner, leaving you in a jealous mess. It is important that you and your partners work out a schedule on who to spend time with. This way, you minimize straining the relationship. You can also plan dates to do something special to set yourself apart from your partner’s partner. This can boost your self confidence and self-esteem.

If you would like to know more about polyamorous relationships, check out Sister Wives’ webpage. Sister Wives is a dating platform that helps people find or become a sister wife. It is also a networking platform between sister wives to share experiences on what it is like to be in a polyamorous relationship. Sister wives also have many educational and thought-provoking articles on polyamorous relationships. If this interests you, join us today!

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Polyamory refers to a committed and consensual relationship between three or more people. It is a principled form of non-monogamy. Many polyamorous relationships are trusting and committed. The emotional needs are distributed throughout all partners. You may be surprised to hear that there are multiple types of polyamorous relationships. The ‘types’ are meant to define the boundaries of each relationship. To find out what they are, read on!

Triad

A triad is also called a throuple. It is a romantic and sexual relationship between three people. In this world, there is no such thing as a love triangle!

Quad

A quad relationship is similar to a triad, just that there is one additional person. It involves four partners who are sexually or romantically involved with each other.

Vee

A vee relationship constitutes one person dating two or more people who are not romantically or sexually involved with each other. For example, A is dating B and C. But B and C are only dating A.

Hierarchy Polyamory

As the name suggests, a hierarchy polyamory is one where the relationship dynamic is skewed. One relationship is more important than the other. For example, if A marries B, the relationship between A and B would be much stronger. And if A gets together with C, with B’s consent, the relationship between A and C will be much weaker than A and C. Hence, there is a hierarchy. A and B will prioritize each other.

Non-hierarchical Polyamory

Antithetical to a hierarchical polyamory, a non-hierarchical polyamory is one whose relationship dynamic is balanced. Everyone values each other and is committed to each other.

Solo Polyamory

In a solo polyamory, you prioritize your own individual desires rather than make decisions with your partners. You want the freedom to choose your own life, without being committed to any other partners in the relationship.

Kitchen Table Polyamory

In a kitchen table polyamorous relationship, the family-centred relationship is prized. All members come together to talk to each other about their life problems and solve them together. Not everyone is sexually or romantically involved with each other. Crucially, they are emotionally connected and show familial support for each other.

Mono-poly Relationships

In mono-poly relationships, one partner is polyamorous while the other is monogamous. It seems contradictory because how can someone who identifies as monogamous allow his or her partner to be polyamorous. However, this is possible. As adults, each of us can define our own wants and needs but not deprive the other party of theirs. If members of the polyamory understand the boundaries and agree on them, it can still be a healthy relationship.

If you would like to know more about polyamorous relationships, check out Sister Wives’ webpage. Sister Wives is a dating platform that helps people find or become a sister wife. It is also a networking platform between sister wives to share experiences on what it is like to be in a polyamorous relationship. Sister wives also have many educational and thought-provoking articles polyamorous relationships that can help you to understand more about yourself or your loved one who is considering polyamory. If this interests you, join us today!

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Spending money on dates is so ubiquitously expected that it feels reflexive. A high-end gastronomic experience, a luxury weekend getaway, a beautiful jewelry set—all these tokens have come to mean that our interest (and often love, later on) is deeper than it would be in the absence of them.

Finding a sister wife, though, is generally even more expensive than monogamous dating. Poly relationships are unique in that the dating stage may last for a long time—or indefinitely in some cases—so the obligation one feels in providing physical proof and ritzy experiences of our love is doubled compared to monogamy.

However, poly dating on a budget is possible. Not every couple and potential partner will have equal financial status, and the key to avoiding negative feelings and relationship outcomes is to talk about financial expectations openly.

Why is finding a sister wife more expensive than monogamy?

Dating multiple partners is more expensive just from a logistical standpoint. You multiple dating costs by two, or three, and this fact becomes clear. That said, there are other aspects of poly dating that make it more costly than monogamy dating.

Poly dating is not linear

In monogamy, Person 1 meets Person 1. They date for up to a year or two and decide to move in together. Within a few months, though, they become comfortable with each other and share the costs of dating—meals, trips, gifts, etc. When they decide to cohabitate, they share living costs. If they decide to have children, they share childcare costs.

In polygamy, though, the chronology of dating is a bit more nuanced. For solo polyamorists, many relationships can stay in the dating stage forever. This makes it difficult to avoid the costly parts of dating such as eating out, going out, and taking trips together.

Finding a sister wife is a whole another challenge. Not everyone is looking to get into such an arrangement right away, which means the dating stage will last significantly longer than a monogamous courtship.

Even though a couple dating a woman may be more financially stable and are willing to bear the costs of dating, the potential sister wife may experience shame for relying on the couple or fear of relying on the couple should they break up.

On the other hand, the couple might feel resentment over being financially responsible for their new sister wife somewhere down the line, especially during times of financial crisis or if they decide to welcome a child into their home.

Distance is often a factor

One example that comes to mind is a couple from Seeking Sister Wife, Garrick and Dannielle Merrifield, who met a sister wife from Brazil. They applied for her documentation so she could move to America, but before that, several trips were required for meeting and spending time together.

In the show’s current season, newcomers Sidian and Tosha Jones are courting a woman from the Philippines. Sidian has the opportunity to fly to the Philippines to meet Arielle, but not all couples can afford such trips.

In the same vein, not all potential sister wives could afford to fly out to meet new partners. Sure, the possible rewards are great for the costs (i.e., a happily ever after for all), but these dates and trips add up.

Gender roles play a part

Although polyamorous dating breaks many relationship stereotypes, some traditions are so ingrained in human behavior. Even in multiple relationships, the cost of a date typically falls on the man. It’s no problem for husbands who are head of the household and are the main financial caretaker, but for polyamorists males not yet financially established, this can make poly dating inaccessible.

Ways to save money in finding a sister wife

When we focus on experiences, genuine connections, and open communication, money doesn’t have to be a limiting factor in dating—it remains a mere factor.

Sign up for free dating sites and apps

Most dating services, including Sister Wives, offer free versions with options for premium memberships. Sometimes, dating services also offer limited discounts on memberships or limited trials. These are great ways to explore your options with little risk—and money.

Get comfortable with video calling

Nothing beats talking with someone face-to-face, but video calls can be just as intimate. With platforms like Zoom, Skype, and Facetime, you can set up private and secure calls with your partner(s). Utilizing video calling cuts down on transportation costs, too.

Attend free, local events

If you’re lucky enough to live near someone you’re dating, attending community events is a great way to build your relationship without breaking the bank. Community fairs, farmers’ markets, craft events, and other local-sponsored fetes are not only great for supporting your neighbors, but they usually don’t cost as much as going to a commercial establishment or taking a road trip.

Stay in

The ultimate money-saver, however, may be to stay in! You have the option of cooking up a homemade meal together or meeting after dinner and spending a few hours watching a movie, playing board games, hosting a book club, or catching up.

Meet in the middle

If you and your partner are the types to go on “official” dates, it’s best to choose activities that accommodate both partners’ financial resources. This way, one partner is not always treating the other, and you can maintain a sense of equality and respect.

Again, there are endless date ideas that cost little but mean so much. Do you have a hobby you share, such as rock climbing, hiking, car detailing, or gardening? Are you both museum buffs or art lovers? Are you both extroverted, or are you both comfortable just relaxing at home?

Talk about finances openly

Lastly, finding a sister wife on a budget and poly dating on a budget only works when all parties are honest. Personal finance is a difficult topic to bring up for most people because it’s directly connected with other sensitive information like income, debt, and spending habits.

In fact, money is the leading cause of most divorce cases, and 44% of Americans find it difficult to talk about personal finance. When we’re dating, we’d rather focus on the butterfly-inducing sides of relationships like intimacy, hopes, dreams, and shared first experiences. Excluding finance topics during dating, is a mistake, however.

When we’re open with our finances—how much we’re willing to spend on dates/gifts/trips, whether or not we want to merge finances with serious partners, what our financial goals are, what our current financial status is—when poly dating, all parties can make decisions together to ensure the best possible arrangements and outcomes.

Only when we realize that finances don’t have to be kept private or shameful will we realize that spending copious amounts of money on dates doesn’t have to be the norm.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Online poly dating is a tricky digital landscape to navigate. You might spend hours researching how to approach a potential sister wife, let alone a couple that is on a search to find a sister wife. The best advice we can give is to be yourself, remember the best safety and polite practices when online dating, and don’t be afraid to make the first move.

You won’t get anywhere without pushing yourself even just a little bit out of your comfort zone, and the worst that can happen is you don’t get a reply back. The only thing holding you back may be the idea that every single interaction has to be perfect, and frankly, that’s just not realistic.

Be yourself

In finding a sister wife, you must be honest not just with yourself but with others.

● Have an accurate, recent profile photo

● Clearly state what you want out of this dating service (i.e. “Finding a sister wife”)

● Share hobbies and interests

Be bold, but don’t be pushy

Our dating service allows you to message other profiles privately, and you can also invite multiple people to a group chat. The group feature can help ease some nerve-wracking pressure if you’re new to dating or if you don’t want to pressure someone into a one-on-one conversation.

When you initiate a meaningful conversation, others may be more likely to trust your profile, too. You’re establishing yourself as a genuine, real person (i.e., not a bot or fake profile), by asking others about their interests and hobbies.

What’s not attractive is spamming someone with messages if they don’t respond within hours or days! The best case scenario is that the other person is just extremely busy, and the worst case scenario is they’re not interested.

Don’t worry—the right person will respond, so don’t go to extreme measures just yet. We also alert you when a potential sister wife who matches your profile and interest signs up for our service.

Be yourself, but don’t be too open with personal information

We do our best to eliminate fake profiles to help you avoid romance scams, but unfortunately, scammers are using new ways to bypass our human-powered efforts and thwart your efforts in finding a sister wife.

We continuously weed out bogus profiles, but it’s always a good idea to be safe online whether you’re on a dating service or not.

● Never reveal information that can lead to your physical location

● Never share information that gives someone access to your bank account or credit cards

● Never tell anyone where you work before vetting them

Be vulnerable, but trust your gut

Dating can make us feel euphoric with feel-good brain chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin rushing through us. Unfortunately, these feelings can overshadow the red flags that others may be showing.

● Is the other person overly flattering?

● Do they conceal information about themselves, but always ask questions about you?

● Do their stories add up?

Lies big and small

If you consistently catch someone in a lie—no matter how small—it may be a tell-tale sign that they’re not a mature person. Worst case scenario is they’re not actually on the dating site to look for a legitimate relationship.

Asking for money

Why would anybody ask for money on a dating site, you ask? To conduct a romance scam! Never send money online to someone you don’t know, no matter how urgent they make try to make it seem.

Most suspicious are profiles that ask you to send money overseas through wire transfers or gift cards.

Wanting to meet within days of first contact

If somebody confesses their love within three days of meeting you, you’re right to feel skeptical. Our dating service allows you to video call other members to make it easier to find a sister wife who is authentic and honest, helping filter out fakes that may be after your money or targeting catfishing victims.

Don’t dox other members

Just because you get rejected by someone online does not give you the right to reveal their personal information to the world or to their circle if you are part of it. In a similar vein, some people may not be out as polygamists or polyamorists, and we should give them the opportunity to come out on their own terms.

Finding a sister wife in the digital age

Online poly dating is full of exciting new connections and poly members who want to join you on this journey. At times, online dating can feel awkward and unnatural, but treat it like you would as an in-person dating event or a casual walk through an unknown neighborhood.

There are people you will naturally gravitate toward, and there are people who you will happily pass by without greeting. Who knows, in your search to find a sister wife online, you might make a lifelong friend instead—there’s no lose-lose situation here.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc 

For heterosexual people, there are all kinds of support groups available. From online advice groups to speed dating events, monogamous people are always one click or call away from someone who understands what they’re going through.

What about if you need a polygamy community that understands what it’s like to feel jealous of a new partner, or feel frustrated at not being able to spend time with your metamour? Fortunately, help is here, and you just need to know where to look.

That Kind of Polygamy Community

One Google query of “polygamy community” yields alarming articles about genetic disasters in secluded polygamous communities, remote ranches inhabited by polygamists, and rural areas that serve as havens for practicing polygamists.

While these areas are indeed very real, they’re not the type of polygamous communities we’ll be talking about today. We’ll be talking about online or in-person communities where the average Joe or average Jane can connect with other like-minded peers.

In-Person Polygamy Meetings

If you’re a face-to-face type of person, and you thrive on social relationships, you might want to find groups that meet regularly.

To find them, try going on events-oriented sites and typing up your city. You can also try Google by typing in “polygamy event + [Your City]” or “polygamy support + [Your City]” depending on what you’re looking for.

Broader groups like LGBTQIA+ organizations can also provide a way for you to meet other polygamists. You never know—you might also meet your new partner or sister wife through one of these events!

● meetup.com

● eventbrite.com

● groupspaces.com

Online Groups

If you want to keep things virtual, or if you want to vet people before you meet them at a physical location, you’re in luck. There are plenty of online groups where you can connect with others about the poly lifestyle.

Facebook

Check out some of these groups I discovered on the platform.

● Polygamy meetup

● Relationships Outside the Box: Polyamory and Open Relationships

● Relationship Success Secrets: Polyamory, Consensual Non-Monogamy, Freedom

● Polyamorous Dating

● Homesteading & Polygamy (polygyny)

● Biblical Christian Polygamy/Polygyny

● Polygamy Personals, Advocacy & Education

● Poly Dating & More in your 30's-50's

● …and more

These are just a few groups I found during a quick search. Your results may yield something different based on your location, and you can also add “[Your City]” to any poly group-related searches on Facebook.

Reddit

For those unfamiliar, Reddit is a forum-type social media platform where you can post comments, send messages, or post images/videos/text. Everything you post is public, but the messaging feature is private.

It’s incredibly helpful for seeking advice or making casual connections. Alternatively, there is a cheekier side of Reddit, just like any other online platform, where you may be able to strike up a dating-oriented conversation or exchange some explicit content, given that both parties are consenting.

Check out these useful groups if you want to give the platform a try.

● r/polyamory

● r/Polygamy

● r/SisterWives

● r/seekingsisterwifetlc

● r/PolygamyDiscussion

● r/TLCsisterwives

● r/polyamoryR4R

● r/nonmonogamy

● r/polyfamilies

Sister Wives

We also provide a safe, welcoming space on our site for members to connect. Use our forums section to discuss anything from how to come out as poly to what is the best music genre—any topic is fair game!

Other Sites

Here are a few more forum-type sites you can explore for information, advice, or discourse.

● polyamory.com

● polyliving.net

● polyamorysociety.org

Other Types of Support

If you’re looking for other kinds of polygamous information like podcasts, shows, or books, take a look at some of the more popular resources down below. While these may not be your typical poly community, consuming these media can help you get a better understanding of the polygamous lifestyle, its roots, and its current direction.

Podcasts

From dissecting poly love and relationships through a feminist lens to a Mormon viewpoint, there’s no shortage of great podcasts to enrich your ideas and knowledge of this lifestyle.

● Polyamory Weekly

● Unmasked

● Year of Polygamy Podcast

● Polygamy: What Love Is This?

TV Shows

Granted, the variety of shows available is limited to reality TV and harrowing docu-dramas, but they provide great insight into the lifestyle, nonetheless.

● Sister Wives

● Seeking Sister Wife

● Escaping Polygamy

● Big Love

Books

Most books that touch on polygamous subjects are autobiographies recounting women’s experiences with religious or forced plural marriage If you’re dealing with this kind of trauma, hearing others’ accounts of similar experiences may validate your feelings and help you process your emotions.

Shot in the Dark: Craigslist or Other Classifieds

Craiglist is nearly obsolete, with the rest of the Internet moving onto more advanced (and probably more secure) platforms like Facebook, OfferUp, Poshmark, etc. However, it may not hurt to post a classified looking for a support group, supportive peer, or something along those lines.

At worst, you receive an unsolicited message, and at best, you find a genuine peer who is also in a poly relationship. Who knows, they may be able to point you in the right direction when looking for a polygamy community.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

In many ways, passing as straight and monogamous is a blessing in disguise. At best, this freedom can help you avoid painfully awkward conversations or unjustified termination at worst.

Unfortunately, most states in the US don’t provide legal protection to polyamorists, no matter their relationship arrangement. This means ethically non-monogamous employees can get fired or denied housing and insurance due to their unconventional familial structures.

Less serious—but equally emotionally and mentally damaging—consequences of coming out at work are being ostracized by coworkers and being perceived through a prejudiced lens without ever getting to tell your story.

Should you keep your poly status a secret?

To be fair, every workplace is different. Some are incredibly supportive and open-minded, while others are as conservative and hostile as they come. To answer the question of whether or not to come out in the workplace as poly, my advice is to weigh your risks.

What is your workplace culture like?

Not everyone is lucky enough to work in a progressive, inclusive environment. The best that many polyamorous folks can hope for is tolerant coworkers and employers who don’t insist on prying into their personal lives.

When you’re deciding if, when, or how to come out in your workplace, your company culture is a huge factor. Some industries are breeding grounds for gossip, and even if you disclose your identity to just one person, your entire team may become privy to your life story.

On the other hand, there are workplaces that are actively building an accepting work culture. These organizations instill the value of trust, inclusivity, and diversity. In this environment, you may feel safe sharing more personal details with colleagues.

Do you have a high chance of being fired if you come out?

If your answer is yes, the most practical course of action is to remain ambiguous or straight-passing. Many poly folks refer to their significant others as “partner” so as not to let it slip that they may have a spouse and a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner.

Being fired is most likely your biggest concern when deciding whether or not to come out as polyamorous. It’s an injustice, and it shouldn’t be a factor in your coming out story, but it is the reality for many people.

Risks of coming out as polyamorous at work

People who identify as LGBTQIADP+ carry an emotional burden when they live and work in places that are not sympathetic to non-normative individuals.

● Being terminated from your position

● Gossip behind your back

● Being seen in a negative light

● Being passed over for career advancements and discrimination

Benefits of coming out as polyamorous at work

On the bright side, representing your full self can bring about positive changes for you and others.

● Living your truth

● Educating others

● Emotional release from concealing a large part of your identity

● Gain support from colleagues

● Encourage others who are closeted

● Build an inclusive company culture

The pros and cons are not mutually exclusive, and you may find that your coming out at work is a rollercoaster of emotions and social maneuvering. In the end though, if you decide to come out, you’ll be living with your whole identity on display—a freeing feeling, indeed.

However, you do not have to share your personal life or relationship status with anyone (especially at work)  if you do not want to. Your coming out is your choice, and you do not have to put your employment and financial stability in jeopardy to feel like you are being a poly ally or doing your part in breaking down polyamory stereotypes.

Polyamorous Celebrities

By contrast, many celebrities come out as LGBTDIADP+ to utilize their large and public platform. They put their relative privilege to use and mobilize allies to bring polyamory to the mainstream, including the workplace for the average person.

Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith

This is perhaps the most famous couple who is open about their non-monogamous relationship. Their daughter, Willow Smith, also came out as polyamorous in 2021. Willow is regarded as a Gen Z idol, partly thanks to her frank and outspoken personality, so it’s no surprise that she’s very vocal about this aspect of her identity.

Indya Moore

Indya is an American model-actor known for her role as Angel in the TV series Pose, a drama that explores the LGBTQ subculture ballroom scene in the late ‘80s and ‘90s. Indya is trans, non-binary, and polyamorous, but most of all, she’s a shining example of what it means to be your genuine self.

Bella Thorne

Bella got her start in the entertainment industry on The Disney Channel in 2010, and she came out as bisexual in 2016. In 2019, she announced that she identifies as pansexual and has since been an open book about her poly experiences.

Baron Vaughn

Baron is an actor-comedian with a long list of noteworthy works, including a supporting role in the comedy series Grace and Frankie. He’s also been a guest on podcast, radio show, and YouTube show episodes that discuss polyamory.

Deciding whether to come out to colleagues or not

Not being out as a polyamorist can feel like lying by omission. Beyond that, it can create some painful situations where one partner is out and the other is not, making the out partner feel like an immoral secret.

The bottom line is this: you choose what to share with coworkers and when, if ever. You are under no obligation to be anything more than cordial workmates, especially if your livelihood is at risk around the topic of polyamory. 

Until then, we can create changes in other ways like gently correcting coworkers when they express a blatant misconception about poly culture or sending reassuring messages to polyamorists online who have no support system. In the end, the only approval and acceptance you need is the one that comes from you.

Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc

Break-ups are never easy. There are complicated feelings to unpack and shared resources to redistribute, all the while trudging on with your day-to-day. But how do you break up in a poly relationship? We’ll share 5 pieces of advice here to help you maneuver through these difficult times.

5 tips on how to move on from a poly break-up

Use this time to rediscover yourself, what you have learned, and what you would like your future relationships to be like.

1. Allow yourself to feel everything

● There are no bad feelings: Emotions are powerful, but they allow us to take a step back and analyze what is important to us at the moment. Do you feel betrayed? If so, you may need to talk to your ex-partner to find closure.

Do you feel anger? Then you may need to find an outlet to release your feelings or you may need time to flesh out your thoughts before expressing them. Emotions do not control us. Rather, we need to transform these feelings into appropriate, emotionally intelligent actions.

● Grieving is normal: Like with any break-up, the end of a polyamorous relationship will probably be tinged with mourning and even regret. Let yourself experience grief over the “What if” and “What could have been” that is now in the past.

● Not every break-up will be like this: It’s easy to feel jaded after a break-up, no matter how short or long the union was. The most important thing to remember is that no two poly relationships are exactly the same, so no poly relationship break-ups will be, either.

Although you can extract new knowledge about yourself and your poly relationships from your break-up, try not to carry over negative feelings into your dating life.

2. Let all your partners know how you feel

● Talk it out: Even if your partner(s) doesn’t want to know all the details about your break-up, a great partner should always be willing to give you a shoulder to cry on. Utilize your village, and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.

● Ask for space—or extra support: If you’re worried about bringing others down with your post-break-up mood, take a day or a week to recalibrate. On the other hand, some people prefer to be around others when they are distressed.

3. Build a supportive network

● Pick your confidantes: Not everyone gets polyamory. Not everyone wants to understand polyamory, so choose your allies carefully.

● Tap into your poly network: The right people can not only comfort you but may be able to empathize with your situation. Other poly friends can share their experiences and may even give you advice on how to move on after a poly break-up.

4. Practice self-care

● Eat nourishing food and stay hydrated: You may not feel like doing much now, but healthy food and drink are essential to maintain your mood and health.

● Spend time in the sun: Ample exposure to sunlight reduces the likelihood of developing depression and it improves brain function.

● Face feelings vs. numbing them: Yes, most people turn to drinks and other substances after a break-up. Yes, the emotional relief may feel gratifying, but it is only temporary.

5. Take time for self-reflection

● Go on a trip: Take a page from Meri Brown’s living-my-best-life book and spend a relaxing weekend outdoors with loved ones.

● Journal your feelings: Or, express your feelings in whatever way is natural to you. Paint, play sports, dance, build a car model, etc.

● Pick up a new hobby: This is a great way to convert negative feelings into something productive. For instance, joining a new class at the gym or trying out pottery helps you develop a new skill while keeping your mind and body occupied.

Related Questions

How long does the average polyamorous relationship last?

A survey of 340 poly respondents (in different poly arrangements, e.g. primary, secondary) found that primary relationships last about eight years while secondary relationships last about five years.

How do breakups work in poly relationships?

This is a self-serving question because it really depends on the relationship. There are various polyamorous arrangements spanning throuples to relationship anarchy.

What can be answered is the question of when to break up with someone. Your experience may differ, but people often break up in open relationships due to a lack of or ineffective communication.

Another big factor in a break-up is whether or not the people involved still share the same life values and life goals. Of course, other variables include whether or not the agreed-upon relationship is casual or serious, whether or not the relationship is hierarchical, and whether or not everyone is satisfied with the current rules and boundaries within the relationship.

How do you feel secure in a poly relationship?

Poly relationships require extra thought and communication.

Establish rules and boundaries

…and revisit them regularly. People in the relationship should not be afraid to question, challenge, or propose an amendment to a rule.

Address all feelings

Read: Talk about jealousy and insecurity. This will not only help you develop better communication skills but build trust between everyone involved. Effective communication takes practice, and when everyone is not committed, that’s when break-ups tend to occur.

Understand that love is not a commodity that’s cut up into pieces

Love is unquantifiable, and poly love is proof that it’s infinite. This is to say that just because your partner is enamored with their new partner does not mean they love you any less.

It just means they have discovered their capacity to love even more, in a whole different way. Their other relationship has no bearing on how they feel for you, because your relationship is unique, too.

Final Thoughts

Cheesy as it sounds, break-ups are the beginning of a new chapter. Maybe it’s the beginning of a new book, even. One thing is for sure when you leave a relationship behind: You take away new experiences and wisdom to help you develop greater relationships in the future.

If you’re having doubts or issues as a sister wife, don’t be afraid to talk about changing the rules. After all, relationships are only successful when everyone is heard and understood

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Online dating is already challenging on its own, having to evade romance scams and catfish profiles. Dating as a straight male or female, however, is easy because most dating services are coded to meet the heteronormative individual’s needs. Ironically, the gender binary mirrors the binary code, a phenomenon we see on most dating sites.

Here’s what I mean.

Most Dating Sites Are Not Made for Poly Users

When you identify as one or the other in the gender binary, the binary code heeds your call. M looking for F or F looking for M — it’s simple. If you identify as non-binary or anything other than cis-het, it’s a whole different experience. Such is the case for most LGBTQIAPD+ people on dating apps.

Many of us who don’t identify as strictly cis-het face discrimination on dating apps and sites. For instance, if you put yourself out there as a poly individual on your profile description, you’re more likely to get banned. I’ve experienced it myself.

Unfortunately, Tinder, Match Group LLC is one of the main offenders. Even moderately popular dating services like #open aren’t immune to this unfairness. In fact, Google Play suspended #open in 2021, citing violation of Google’s “Sexual Content and Profanity policy” as the reason.

But how can an app who supports ethical non-monogamy be guilty of promoting profanity and inappropriate sexual content, while large players like Tinder, who are infamous for hookup culture, remain untouched?

The simple truth is, most dating apps don’t cater to poly members.

Does Tinder Allow Joint Accounts?

Per their terms of service, Tinder does not allow joint accounts between partners or friends.

What Are Other Poly Dating Apps?

There are many poly-friendly dating apps and services available such as Sister Wives®. Other options are OkCupid, #open, Feeld, and Bumble.

Other Instances of Discrimination in the Poly Community

Although the United States (and other countries) are making progress by acknowledging the validity of poly families, instituting anti-discriminatory laws, and busting down myths about being poly, the LGBTQIAPD+ community as a whole still faces momentous obstacles.

Laws That Promote Intolerance

● Illegality of gay marriage in many countries

● Illegality of poly marriages in most countries

● Lack of protection against dsicrimination based on gender identity when it comes to housing, employment, and public accommodations (Wisconsin, USA)

● Lack of mental and other medical support specially designed for LGBTQIAPD+ patients

● Lack of financial help for transgender patients

Attitudes and Misconceptions That Encourage Stereotypes

● Asexual people and many LGBTQIAPD+ folks have a mental illness

● Poly users on dating services (and in person) are just looking for promiscuous relations

● Children raised by same-sex parents are traumatized or develop unhealthily

● Identifying as LGBTQIAPD+ is wrong, abnormal, and not valid

● Identifying as poly is just a fad

● Marriage is strictly between one man and one woman

● Identifying as LGBTQIAPD+ means your parents raised you “wrong”

Why Discriminatory Laws and Attitudes Matter

When your gender identity and sexual orientation are threatened by the very law of the land, you cannot enjoy the same freedoms as your heterosexual, cisgender peers. Unfair treatment against the LGBTQIAPD+ community is prevalent.

These unfair treatments include substantial setbacks like being unable to close a house deal because the seller is prejudiced against same-sex relationships. Other seemingly minor but equally unjust incidents include being exempt from simple privileges like using a dating app when you identify as poly.

As a result, your life is governed by inconvenience at best, and malicious injustice at worst.

That’s why we have to challenge discrimination when we see it. Large dating services banning poly and other LGBTQIAPD+ users is only a small aspect of the bigoted system that keeps the our community oppressed.

Protecting Sister Wives® Users From Discrimination

All of us at Sister Wives® have been champions of poly love for more than 12 years, and we’re not going anywhere. Unlike other platforms, our service allows you to sign up as an individual, couple, or group. We understand that not every relationship fits a certain mold—particularly a monogamous one—and we support that.

Whether you’re a couple seeking an individual to create a hierarchical poly relationship with, or a solo polyamorist in search of other solo polyamorists, we can help you find the relationship configuration that works for you.

Sign up today to witness Sister Wives®’ unparalleled community for yourself.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Online dating is a convenient service, but it has its risks. One of these risks is encountering people who run romance scams. According to the FBI, romance scammers are “[criminals who adopt] a fake online identity to gain a victim’s affection and trust” and eventually ask for money using different excuses.

Unfortunately, romance scammers often prey on members of dating platforms like Sister Wives. We are taking proper measures to stop these con artists, but scammers are finding new ways to bypass security measures.

That’s why we’ve prepared a deep dive here on what romance scams are, warning signs of a romance scam, and how to avoid them. Your safety is one of our top priorities as a dating service, so let’s review together what we can do to stop romance scammers.

Different types of romance scams

Deception is the heart of these dishonorable schemes. The perpetrator’s game plan is to trick you into a vulnerable position, whether that’s gaining access to your online accounts or blackmailing you into sending money.

Money mules

Some victims have reported money laundering scams where a criminal gains access to their bank accounts to move dirty money. The funds can be moved through various means like gift cards, cryptocurrency, and money orders.

Fake checks

Scammers can also ask you to cash a check because they claim that they don’t have access to their banking accounts. They may ask you to wire that money before it clears, and you may be left penniless when the check bounces.

Cryptocurrency investment

Newer approaches to romance scams include asking victims to invest in cryptocurrency. Someone might also ask you to send money via cryptocurrency if they are trying to launder large amounts of capital without dealing with banks.

Gift cards

Gift cards are a common way romance scammers make or move money. They may ask you to reload or buy them gift cards, citing excuses like their checking account is frozen or they lost their wallet.

Personal information compromised and stolen

More malicious scams include sending malware through dating apps or services. When you open the message or link, it might compromise your device, leaving your personal information exposed.

Another common scheme is when romance scammers send you an email or text message asking you to verify your information on the dating site. It is not actually sent by the dating service, but by someone trying to steal your data.

When you open the message or link, it will ask you for sensitive information such as your social security number or credit card security code.

Sextortion scams

Sextortion happens when a person uses compromising pictures or videos of you to extort you for money. To avoid revealing their face, scammers might say that their camera is not working all the while encouraging you to pose or perform sexually suggestive acts with the intent of blackmailing you afterwards.

Immigration scams

If you are messaging someone who claims to be from another country, they might ask you for money to pay off their visa, plane ticket, or customs fees to visit you. They take advantage of your emotions and emphasize that they would love to see you in person, but they cannot afford it.

Online dating red flags that can indicate someone is dangerous

One warning sign to be wary of is when someone immediately wants to meet you in person. However, romance scammers usually try to avoid meeting in person unless it’s part of their strategy. Consider these other atypical behaviors that let you know when someone has bad intentions.

They claim to be in a certain profession

Romance scammers adopt fake personas when they sign up for dating sites.  One way to spot a liar is if they can’t or won’t provide you with more details when you ask them about their work.

● Construction or building industry worker

● Soldier

● Doctor who travels internationally

● Worker on an oil platform

These professions often work outside of their home country, so it’s easy for scammers to pretend that they can’t meet you.

They suddenly have an emergency and they need your financial help

In 2020, the Federal Trade Commission reported that consumers lost $547 million to romance scams, the highest it’s ever been. This is also the largest figure in any of the fraud categories including identity theft, credit scams, and false lotteries.

On average, a person over 70 years old lost about $9,000 while someone aged 18 to 29 years old lost about $750. It may seem unbelievable, but sadly, romance scammers are expert manipulators.

Romance scammers will try to gain your trust first before asking for any money. Then they might claim any of the following reasons for needing your financial help:

● Medical emergency fees

● Legal fees

● They lost their debit card, so they need a gift card

● They came across a good investment opportunity

● Money for a flight

● They need to pay taxes for items in customs

● They need money to pay off their college degree before they can meet you

● They need you to cash a check and wire them the money

● Gambling debt

They want to know every single detail about you

This can be a sign of a stalker, someone too eager, or someone trying to pull an identity theft heist. You may be answering their questions left and right, but they never give you a chance to ask you about them.

In fact, they might not reveal anything personal about themselves at all — a huge red flag. This is also a tactic that romance scammers use to make their interest in your budding relationship seem genuine. They want to appear charming and engaged.

They want to meet you immediately without getting to know each other first

In a similar vein, they want to meet you ASAP when you haven’t established what relationship you’re looking for yet. Moreover, they might be insisting that you pay for their roundtrip flights and other travel fees (via money transfer) so they can meet you.

They pressure you to send pictures or videos you don’t feel comfortable sharing

A romance scammer may ask you for explicit content repeatedly even after you’ve declined. They may even try to guilt you into meeting their demands by saying they sent you pictures and videos (that you didn’t ask for), so why shouldn’t you?

This pressure is called sexual harassment and is also a form of sextortion and sextortion scams. You can also perform a reverse search image on any pictures they send to verify that it is not a stock photo or a photo of another person.

Best practices when online dating

Here are some tried-and-true tips for online dating safety.

Don’t share too much information at first

If someone’s nagging you for extremely personal information during the early days, stop there. This can be interpreted as endearing, but it can also indicate that they are trying to gather intelligence on you.

On the Sister Wives platform, we discourage members from sharing outside profile links partly for safety reasons such as this. This is a list of things you should keep private until you get to know this person better.

● Company address/company name/ your position within the company

● Home address/neighborhood

● Family information, e.g. your parents’ names, your children’s names

Don’t move to SMS text immediately

If you meet someone on a dating site or app, stay on the platform. Don’t rush to exchange numbers until you’ve vetted them through video call or met them in person. When they have your phone number, they might be able to extract other information about you online like your address or full name.

Staying on the platform also leaves a paper trail in case of suspicious behavior. Always report harassment or other questionable behavior so that person can be suspended or banned from the app/service.

What is Sister Wives doing to protect its users?

Sister Wives is actively stopping romance scammers on its platforms. Romance scams are at an all-time high, and we want to make sure your dating experience is not sullied by these criminals.

That’s why we monitor for fake profiles and we flag and block IP addresses and entire IP ranges.

What to do if you are involved in a romance scam

If you fall victim to a romance scammer, don’t feel guilty or foolish. These con artists take advantage of people who are looking for real connections with genuine human beings.

Report them to the Federal Trade Commission

If there is a substantial amount of money involved — and even if there isn’t — you can contact the right authorities. You can file a report online here.

If you are on Sister Wives or another dating service, report the profile

You can block other members on Sister Wives and most dating services or aps. If you suspect that someone is a scammer on our platforms, you can send us an email here on sisterwives.com.

Freeze your accounts, change your cards, contact the right companies

If you gave them access to your bank account or another card, contact the company and let them know you want to change your account information. Change your security passwords.

If you paid someone through a gift card, tell the company what happened, and they may be able to refund you. If not, you can file a claim to the FTC.

For more information on dating safety, take a look at our article on how to spot red flags when dating.






Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Meeting new people can feel exciting and full of possibilities. You get to dress up, share stories, and maybe form a real connection. Despite all the good that can happen, it’s important to remember that some people are not who they appear to be. Geoffrey Paschel, for example, was on the fourth season of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days but was later convicted of kidnapping and assaulting his ex-fiancée, Kristen Wilson. In that 2019 incident, Wilson ended up with a concussion, bruises, and cuts. Paschel also had previous drug charges on his record, which affected his sentencing in February 2022. He received 18 years without parole. This case is a clear reminder that someone’s outward charm can disguise an abusive or dangerous side, and you can experience this at any stage of dating, even a first date.

Many people who go through frightening or toxic situations never receive widespread attention or a clear sense of justice. Sometimes, they are unaware of the risk they are in until they’ve suffered real damage. That’s why it can help to know the red flags from the start, along with safety tips for meeting someone for the first time. Below, you’ll find suggestions for keeping your first date safer, spotting warning signs if you decide to continue the relationship, understanding online dating risks, and knowing where to turn if trouble arises. This advice isn’t meant to scare you away from dating. Instead, it gives you tools to stay mindful and safe while you explore new connections.

Staying Safe on a First Date

Choosing the right setting for a first date can make a huge difference in how comfortable and secure you feel. Public places with plenty of people around, like coffee shops, casual restaurants, or even a daytime park event, are great for an initial meeting. Avoid secluded spots, your own house, or your date’s place right away. If the person you’re meeting knows where you live and the encounter turns awkward or frightening, they could show up at your home unannounced in the future. Some people even prefer meeting in a part of town that’s different from where they live, just in case the date doesn’t go well.

Planning your own way to get there and back is another step toward controlling your safety. Drive yourself, take a rideshare, or have a friend drop you off and pick you up. That way, you can leave whenever you want and aren’t stuck waiting on someone who might be making you uncomfortable. If the date seems nice, you can always stay longer. But if you feel pressured or uneasy, you can exit quickly without depending on the other person.

It’s also smart to let a friend or family member know your plans. Give them the time and place of the date, the name of the person you’re meeting, and a rough estimate of when you’ll be home. You could use check-in apps like uSafeUs or SafeDate that send reminders for you to confirm you’re safe. Another option is sharing your phone’s real-time location using something like Google Maps on Android or the Find My app on iPhone. A simple code word agreed upon in advance can be your way of saying, “Help me out” without the other person realizing you’re calling for backup.

Many people also choose to limit or skip alcohol and other substances on a first date. Drinking can dull your judgment and make it harder to notice red flags. If you do decide to drink, consider a lower limit that helps you remain alert. If you start feeling uncomfortable due to the situation or the amount you’ve had to drink, remember you can always leave. Your safety comes first.

First Date Red Flags

Even if you follow these precautions, it’s important to keep an eye out for behavior that signals potential danger. Here are some red flags to watch for right away:

• They keep pushing to go somewhere private. If your date insists on leaving your public location to go back to your place or theirs, especially when you’ve just met, this can be a tactic to isolate you. Trust your intuition if you feel rushed or uneasy.

• They ignore your personal space. Maybe they try to hug or kiss you when you haven’t shown interest, or they keep touching you despite hints (or outright statements) that you’re uncomfortable. Disregarding boundaries is a strong sign of disrespect. For more on limits in relationships, check out polyamory and healthy boundaries.

• They use negging or half-insults. Negging involves backhanded compliments that are meant to lower your self-esteem. Comments like, “I’m surprised that outfit looks good on you,” or, “You’re actually smart for someone who didn’t go to college,” are designed to make you crave their approval.

• They refuse to change locations or plans. If you propose a different spot and they ignore your suggestion, it could mean they don’t care about your comfort. In extreme cases, it might even indicate they planned something you wouldn’t like.

• They keep lying or changing their stories. If your date contradicts their own background info or job details, they might be hiding something bigger. Be wary of repeated inconsistencies.

• They trash everyone around them. If they spend most of the date criticizing former partners, coworkers, family members, or friends, it could hint at deeper emotional problems. They might eventually treat you the same way.

• They love bomb you. Over-the-top affection or expensive gifts right from the start might seem flattering, but it’s sometimes a ploy to make you feel indebted or attached. Abusers often use love bombing before showing controlling behavior.

• They pick fights over tiny things. It’s normal to have different opinions, but constant arguments or raised voices over small details may reveal anger issues. A calm conversation should not feel like a battle.

New Relationship Red Flags

If your first few dates go smoothly and you decide to keep seeing each other, pay attention to how things progress:

1. They don’t respect your time or opinions. A partner might demand that you drop your hobbies or constantly rearrange your schedule to please them. Small demands can quickly turn into major control tactics, eroding your personal life.

2. They threaten you. Threats can be physical or emotional, including breaking objects, raising a hand to intimidate you, or implying they’ll harm themselves if you don’t comply. None of that should ever be part of a loving or healthy bond.

3. They make every decision for you. It’s fine if they occasionally pick a restaurant or plan an outing, but if you’re never allowed input or feel guilty for disagreeing, that’s an alarming pattern. Healthy relationships involve both people having a say.

4. They interfere with birth control. In a heterosexual relationship, lying about contraceptives or insisting that you avoid them is known as reproductive coercion. Learn more at reproductive coercion. You have every right to protect your body.

5. They isolate you from loved ones. Individuals who want total control might discourage you from seeing friends or family. They could claim your friends are a bad influence or make you feel guilty for having your own support network. As Waypoint Services explains, isolating someone is a common tactic in dating violence.

6. They pressure you to do things you don’t want to do. This could be about alcohol, drugs, or sexual acts. People like Geoffrey Paschel have used force or intimidation to get their way. If you notice controlling or scary behavior at any point, trust your gut and create distance sooner rather than later.

Online Dating Safety

Many people today meet potential dates through apps or websites. While this can be a great way to connect with people you’d never meet otherwise, it also carries certain risks:

• Watch out for fake or catfishing profiles. Some people post stolen photos or made-up details to earn your trust.

• In niche dating circles, such as polyamorous communities, scammers might pretend to be into the lifestyle but are actually seeking money or personal info. For more on this, read red flags in online poly dating.

• Avoid sharing your address or too many personal details too quickly. If someone tries to steer the conversation toward your finances, that’s a major red flag.

• Use apps or sites that give you ways to report suspicious behavior. Look for platforms with security features like photo verification or background checks.

Protecting yourself online also means securing your digital presence. Be cautious about sending private photos or information that could be used against you later. Don’t click on any suspicious links that someone you barely know sends you, and do a bit of research on the person if something feels off.

Additional Safety Strategies

Encourage open communication with friends. If your close friends notice changes in your behavior or suspect something is wrong, listen to them. They might see troubling patterns before you do. Regularly checking in with a friend about your dating experiences can help you stay aware of red flags.

Trust your instincts. If a voice in your head tells you something isn’t right, take it seriously. Often, people downplay their own concerns to avoid seeming rude or dramatic, but ignoring your intuition can lead to real harm. It’s always better to be cautious than to stick around in a risky situation.

Know that leaving might mean leaving fast. In some cases, your safety can depend on leaving without giving the other person a warning. That might mean stepping away while they’re distracted or even calling a friend to come get you. You never owe someone who makes you feel unsafe a lengthy explanation for why you want to go.

Create a practical plan. If you plan on going out with someone you don’t know well, consider having a friend call you at a certain time to confirm everything is okay. You could also arrange a subtle “I need help” text you can send if you require an excuse to leave.

Where to Get Help

If you ever feel scared or suspect your relationship is taking a dangerous turn, reaching out for support is vital. Confidential hotlines are available to listen and guide you:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

• RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

Local shelters, nonprofit organizations, and hotlines often provide free advice, counseling, and even safe housing if you face an immediate threat. Sometimes, talking to a friend, counselor, or relative helps you gain the clarity to see that you’re in a harmful situation. People on the outside may notice shifts in your mood or behavior that you’ve become too overwhelmed to see yourself.

Staying safe doesn’t mean you have to be suspicious of everyone you meet. Dating can still open doors to wonderful friendships, experiences, and even a life partner. However, when you take steps like meeting in public, telling a friend your plans, and knowing your personal boundaries, you’re better equipped to spot problems early. The balance between open-mindedness and caution is what helps you stay both safe and social.

Keep in mind that you have every right to feel comfortable and respected in any dating scenario. If something or someone sets off alarm bells, trusting your instincts can keep you from getting tangled in a bad situation. While you can’t always predict how someone will act, having a plan in place, like a friend’s check-in call, can make a big difference.

Ultimately, the most important thing is remembering that you deserve safety, respect, and honesty in your dating life. If you ever find yourself in a situation that feels wrong, there’s no shame in stepping away. You never owe someone more time if they’re crossing lines or making you feel uneasy. By practicing these safety habits, you’ll be able to explore the dating world with more confidence, knowing you’re looking out for your well-being at every step.

Published By: Sister Wives  

Matchmakers Inc