Chris's article

When humans transitioned from nomadic hunter-gatherers to stationary agriculturalists, populations grew, and STIs spread more easily. There’s interesting research that postulates humans shifted to monogamy due to higher sexually transmitted infection (STI) rates under the previous polygamous society.

Why? In ancient communities where STI checks, medication, and sex education weren’t invented yet, this change makes sense. However, other factors could have triggered the change from polygamy to non-monogamy. 

Nevertheless, most people today associate consensually non-monogamous relationships with higher risks or instances of STIs. With potentially more sexual partners, this seems like a harmless, logical assumption. When you think about it, though, it’s detrimental to polygamy’s reputation. So how true is this assumption?

Comparing STI rates in monogamous vs. polygamous relationships

Perform a Google search and you’ll find that research on STI or STD risk in polygamous relationships isn’t too extensive. Some articles focus on animals’ non-monogamous mating patterns. Others focus on very specific communities outside of the United States. I did discover some credible information, though.

One study by The Journal of Sexual Medicine found that people in consensually non-monogamous relationships have more sexual partners (naturally), but they also take more precautions against STIs. They practice safer sexual habits overall compared to people in monogamous partnerships. These safe habits include getting tested regularly and using condoms with all of their sexual partners.

My takeaway: People in polygamous relationships might be more likely to be exposed to STIs because of a higher number of sexual partners, but these same people are more responsible, too. I take this to mean that STI rates are more or less the same between both types of relationships - at least according to current research.

In other words, polygamy dating might technically put you at a higher risk for an STI just because of the number of partners in the mix, but polygamous couples and polyamorous partners are more careful about sex than monogamous couples. Frankly, researchers haven’t conducted enough studies to make a definitive statement. For now, it all comes down to personal responsibility.

What do I do if I contract an STI?

Poly dating is synonymous with openness and honesty. We’re willing to talk positively about sexual health, history, and status. If you test positive for an STI, disclose your test results to all recent sexual partners. It may have been a one-nightstand or a group affair - make sure to tell them so they can get tested.

Common STIs

STIs are common and are harmless if treated on time. Here are the most common ones in the US.

●Chlamydia

●Trichomoniasis

●Human papillomavirus (HPV)

●Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV)

Common sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)

When left untreated, bacterial or viral infections can evolve into diseases. These diseases are more harmful, and some are untreatable. Note that many online publications use STI and STD interchangeably, but the main difference is that some diseases originate from an infection.

●Genital herpes

●Syphilis

●Gonorrhea

What do I do if my sexual partner contracts an STI?

First, don’t panic. Sometimes even if your partner has an STI/STD and you engaged in sexual activities before they found out, you might not get it. Either way, getting tested is the responsible thing to do. If you’ve been intimate with a different person, make sure to let them know, too.

How often should I get tested?

The minimum is once a year. If you have multiple sexual partners (as is the common case in poly dating), it’s every three to six months. Whenever you connect with an individual, couple, or group on Sister Wives and want to get intimate, everyone should take an STD screening before taking that step.

What can I do to lower my risk of an STI/STD?

There are several steps you can take to protect you and your partner(s) against STDs.

Get tested regularly.

Like we mentioned above, the minimum is once a year but every three to six months if you have multiple partners.

Always use protection when necessary.

Note that condoms do prevent some STDs, but infections like genital and oral herpes can spread through other means. Also, consider dental dams for oral sex.

Be honest about your relationships.

Consensual non-monogamy requires openness and effective communication above all. If you have multiple relationships, keep them updated about any STI scares or positive tests. They (and you) have a right to decide for themselves what sexual risks they’re willing to take.

Get the HPV and hepatitis B vaccine.

The HPV vaccine is administered to children when they’re 11-12 years old. Anyone can get the vaccine before they turn 26. If you’re over 26, you might want to consult with your doctor - this vaccine helps prevent genital warts and certain cancers.

The hepatitis B vaccine is usually administered to infants. Older children and adults can get vaccinated, too, depending on your sexual activity and other risk factors. This vaccine helps prevent hepatitis B, which can be transmitted both through sexual and nonsexual means.

Use separate towels and other personal items.

Certain infections like herpes, hepatitis B, and HIV can spread through nonsexual ways. For instance, sharing needles, participating in skin-to-skin contact, sharing utensils, and platonic kissing can put you at risk of catching an STI.

Take care around recreational drugs/alcohol.

Certain drugs and large amounts of alcohol are known for releasing inhibitions. Unfortunately, in an altered mental state, we’re more likely to engage in risky behavior like unprotected sex or sexual intercourse with partners who haven’t been tested.

My advice? Always surround yourself with people you trust, and when in doubt, take yourself out of the situation while you’re still sober.

Seek proper treatment and complete it.

Most STIs are treatable with simple regimens like taking a pill once a day or applying a topical cream every few hours. However, these treatments are usually only 100% effective if you follow the doctor’s orders to a T. 

So if you’re currently weathering an STI storm, hang in there! In the meantime, read more about sexual health in polyamorous relationships for other issues beyond STIs.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Poly dating and poly relationships can be amazing. Meeting new people and beginning a new phase of your life is exhilarating, especially when you find someone you really click with. However, things can go wrong. If it does, the heartache can have a serious impact on your mental and emotional well-being. 

All forms of dating are full of ups and downs, but the experience of polygamy dating is a unique one. It can be difficult to feel confident in your pursuit of finding a sister wife or poly partner when you’re new to the community and/or have been burned when poly dating online. That’s why we’ve compiled all the top tips to maintain your mental health while dating as a polygamist.

Set and maintain boundaries

You, your spouse(s) or partner(s), and the person you’re dating should all set boundaries that make you each feel safe and comfortable. You don’t all have to have the same boundaries, but you do need to respect them. Don’t allow yourself to give into any mental, physical, or commitment pressures. If you are the person who is pursuing a new partner, then it’s your job to facilitate any communication between your current and potential partner. If anyone in the equation cannot respect your boundaries and use anger, guilt, or other emotional manipulations to force you to shift your boundaries for their benefit, you must remove yourself from the situation. True love does not manipulate in any shape or form, and you shouldn’t accept anything that makes you feel unsafe and/or disrespected.

Check-in with yourself

Throughout the poly dating process, frequently take time to reflect on your own. It can be a few minutes each day, or an hour every 2-3 days. Polygamist relationships can move quickly, much quicker than a monogamous one. Taking time to be alone and be introspective can help avoid you getting swept away in the excitement of falling for someone new. Ask yourself things like: 

● Are there any potential red flags I overlooked?

● Is what I’m feeling lust or love?

● Do I feel like I can truly trust this new person?

● Will this person make a good partner to me and a good addition to my family as a whole?

● Are our goals and plans for the future aligned? If not, what sacrifices am I willing to make?

Remember that rejection isn’t indicative of your worth

If you interpret every rejection as a reflection on your self-worth, poly dating will be a nightmare. Everyone has their own requirements for partners and lifestyles, which they cannot change. As polygamists, sometimes rejection can feel like a harsh judgement of us due to our non-traditional lifestyle. However, it’s important to take rejection as a reflection of that person’s preferences, rather than as a judgment of you.

Have realistic expectations

Beliefs, values, and lifestyle choices are important in finding a companion, but you should not expect your next partner to share the exact same ones as you. Keeping your feet on the ground will be difficult if you really like someone, but it's important to resist being carried away by fantasies and daydreams. Don’t try to fit the person into a specific mold, or be completely turned off when you’re unable to do so. This is especially applicable when dating someone who is new to the poly lifestyle. If you’re their first venture outside of monogamy, always be prepared for them to get cold feet. A good mantra to have is “hope for the best, expect the worst” - that doesn’t mean be pessimistic, it just means don’t get overly optimistic and naive. This will help cushion the mental and emotional blow if things don’t work out.

Communicate openly and often

When it comes to poly dating and relationships, you can't expect your partner to assume your thoughts and feelings without you voicing them. Vice versa, you shouldn't assume that their feelings or thoughts about you and your new relationship are the same as your own. Directness is an important part of building and maintaining a good poly dating life.

Practice positive self-talk

There is still a ton of stigma associated with people that struggle with mental health, which can make it really tempting to keep it a secret. It can often cause those who are struggling to develop negative self-talk about themselves, which can potentially keep you from speaking up about your needs in your relationships. To alleviate this, try reframing any negative thoughts related to you as a partner, your dating life, and your overall self-worth.

Maintain your own identity

In general, it is natural to relinquish some of your personality, identity, and independence to your spouses/partners as you become closer to them. Although this demonstrates intent to be together, it could harm your mental health. Your identity should not be discarded. Maintaining a feeling of self, especially in relation to your relationship, is not good for either of you.

If you want this, remember to put your mental health first and give priority to your partner's decision to be with you for other reasons. When it comes to a poly relationship, you may end up feeling less of yourself if you keep aspects of yourself suppressed. It is possible that your loved ones may no longer see you as the person they once fell in love with.

Lean on the poly community

Sister Wives is more than a poly dating website and app, we’re a community! On our site, you’ll find forums, groups, events, personal blogs, and more to help you feel connected and supported. Don’t be afraid to utilize these channels to ask for advice and learn from other people’s successes and missteps alike. No one will understand what you’re going through better than people who have already experienced it! 

Be sure to keep up with the official Sister Wives articles section, too. There, you’ll get posts that give you poly dating advice (like this one!) and community updates.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

When the COVID-19 pandemic began last March, people had no idea how much their lives were about to change. We don’t just mean wearing masks and working from home, either - quarantining alone with one other person was enough to bring a lot of monogamous relationships to an end. Due to the pandemic's exposure of the flaws in traditional marriage, several people have turned to polyamory and polygamy to suit their needs.

Society's perception of poly dating has already evolved significantly since Sister Wives debuted on TLC. What was once largely dismissed as an "alternative lifestyle" and/or a “loophole to cheat” is now being viewed as a viable way of life. This acceptance is partly due to increased awareness created from social media. Things such as Jada Pinkett Smith's Facebook Watch show Red Table Talk, which recently aired an episode on the subject of polyamory that garnered 4.3 million views, the poly subreddit with 200k members and growing, and content creators on platforms such as YouTube and TikTok who create content that follows the everyday life of being in a poly relationship. 

So, why is this happening? Ross Dawson, a futurist and co-author of the 2016 Future of Sex report, feels that the pandemic simply accelerated pre-existing patterns and trends that existed going into the pandemic. People who may have been interested in pursuing polygamy or polyamory before the pandemic are now more likely to pursue things that were once out of their comfort zones. After over a year of social distancing and near solitude, people are pursuing any and all outlets that can provide pleasure - not just sexually, but mentally and emotionally, too. Plus, seeing how fast the world changed last year, many are choosing to live exactly how they want without fear of judgment in order to make the most of the time they spend living their lives. 

There’s also an increased need and prioritization of finding something new and exciting. That’s why online dating is popular: There’s always someone new to interact with. Sometimes, craving something new is a desire born out of pure boredom. However, sometimes that desire comes when something just isn’t working anymore. The pandemic provided the ideal opportunity to expose and intensify the flaws of traditional marriage: Namely, the fact that running a household, raising kids, maintaining careers, and paying the bills can feel like a workload that’s just too big for two people. 

Add in trying to do that with someone you’re in a relationship with while trying to still feel like you’re in a relationship with them. Being able to ensure that everything goes properly in the family and that adults get ample time away from the children - whether together or alone - was a bigger struggle than ever thanks to remote working and learning. All of this can deplete anyone's passion, making the prospect of a third partner - or more - sound not just thrilling, but comforting as well. 

All of that is to say, extended time together made a lot of couples realize their needs weren’t being met. So much so that many felt they were hitting a breaking point. It makes sense that when life got harder on everyone, more and more people started to feel like they had almost earned the right to pursue things that would make their lives more fulfilling. Especially those who either divorced or almost divorced: What’s the worst that could happen at this point? We’ve all lived through a year of losing loved ones, jobs, savings, etc. Once you’ve lived through this kind of unexpected hurt and loss, it often removes the fear surrounding getting hurt again. 

Plus, going back to the need for connection, people are realizing that they might actually communicate better in non-monogamous relationships than monogamous ones. Polygamists and polyamorous families have had to learn how to be really thorough, honest communicators with one another in order to make the relationship work. That level of consideration and transparency is often a much-welcomed change to a formerly monogamous person. 

Many people’s biggest fear in a traditional relationship is that they’re being cheated on, and many of the biggest problems traditional couples face revolve around a lack of communication, honesty, and/or trust. So when they begin poly dating and experience this new communication style that really promotes mutual respect and trust, it really breaks down barriers that the person may not have been able to break down because they didn’t have that with their previous partners. The more people feel they can trust their partner, the more vulnerable they allow themselves to be, which results in a deeper connection than they’ve felt in a long time, or ever. 

To understand the bigger picture, the concept of marriage as a whole has evolved a lot, too. The rise of platonic marriages is another trend that has been accelerated by the pandemic. More and more people are marrying someone with who they have good companionship that would be a good partner, but have their own respective rooms and sex lives. This is relevant because the further society moves away from the traditional lens it views marriage in, the less room they have to not allow polygamous and polyamorous people the same rights as everyone else. 

Polygamy is practiced by up to 60,000 persons in the United States. Even though they’re U.S. citizens, polygamists encounter a slew of legal obstacles, impacting inheritance, hospital visits, parentage rights, and taxes. For example, if a sister wife who isn’t legally married to their spouse files for assistance as a single parent, they’re considered dishonest or even accused of committing welfare fraud, but if they file their taxes jointly then they’re breaking the law, too. 

We say this information not to scare people new to the practice, but to point out that there are fundamental flaws in the illegality of poly lifestyles that will have to be addressed as more and more people identify as polyamorous or polygamist. Seeing so many people join and be embraced by the poly community has been heartwarming and instilled a lot of hope that change is around the corner. And, it’s no surprise that after spending months in isolation, people are realizing that sometimes more really is more when it comes to love!

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

No doubt, there’s a respectable roster of poly+ dating sites online. Some are built exclusively for poly+ members, and others feel like an afterthought hastily programmed after prioritizing features for monogamous couples. Inclusivity is fine, but when you have websites that focus on poly+ arrangements like the Sister Wives site, all other matchmaking services feel inferior. Catering strictly to the poly+ community, Sister Wives is dedicated to helping you find the right match.

And no, it’s not marketing based on a fairy tale ending. Just facts. I’ll be frank - some poly dating sites make poly+ dating seem like a wild goose chase. Whether it’s finding out you’ve been chatting with a fake profile (or worse - a troll bot account), immature users, or just incompatible people, joining a dating website can be a wild ride you want to get off of. So let’s review again why Sister Wives is a great choice out of all the sister wives sites.

Interactive social features

On the Sister Wives Dating Site, you can enjoy expected features like private messaging and match notifications. However, you can also leave comments on other members’ photos, create group chats, and even launch your blog. Whether it’s a witty, weekly commentary on your experience on Sister Wives or a practical guide on poly+ dating is up to you.

Just know we offer more than your typical matchmaking service because we’re all about building meaningful bonds. Lest I forget - you can also video chat directly on our program, so you don’t have to take it to sites like Zoom if you aren’t ready to give out more personal information.

Fewer fakes, catfishes, and scammers

It’s disheartening when you find out someone you’ve been flirting with turns out to be a catfish or something similar. Our site isn’t 100% immune to these profiles, but we do take extra steps to keep them out. We monitor new and existing profiles to weed out potential scammers and catfishes so you have a genuine, straightforward experience.

Flexible arrangements

Most matchmaking services build their programs around this simple formula: “Single Male/Female looking for Single Male/Female.” No hate for monogamous relationships, but the reality is there are many people in the dating world looking for more. That’s why you’re here, right?

The Sister Wives site accounts for these nonconformist arrangements. You can sign up as a single Male/Female, couple, or group and set your preferred matches to single Male/Female, couple, or group. If your ideal arrangement is none of the above, you can also leave a note in your profile, letting others know what you’re looking for right away. This increases your chances of matching with others who feel the same.

Free VIP membership offer for single women

Though you can sign up as any of the profile types mentioned above, many of our users fall into the “Couple looking for single Female” category - hence our name Sister Wives. We support all arrangements, but this is a common relationship structure many people seek.

Therefore, we offer single women free VIP memberships to fill that demand and make sure these customers have the chance to match with every possible member that fits the criteria.

Dating support and advice

Most matchmaking services and sites push you to create a profile and then try to match you with as many people as possible until one sticks. Our approach is a little different. The poly world can be confusing, especially if you’ve never stepped into it. So we also offer dating support (and really, general life pro tips) on our website. 

We cover everything from Trending News to how to recognize a Toxic Relationship. We also go into detail about poly+ terms, how to navigate poly relationships, what to do, and what not to do. When we created Sister Wives, we wanted a community where members can come together to discuss everything to do with the poly+ lifestyle and maybe to talk about other things going on in your life.

Even if you’ve found your match, we hope you continue to use our platform and help us build a welcoming, resourceful space.

Sister Wives is also available on smartphones and tablets

Some matchmaking services are only available on PCs, smartphones, or tablets. Good news: Sister Wives is available both on a web browser and as an app. This means you have access to your profile on your preferred electronic device whether that’s a tablet, laptop, PC, or phone. Dating is exciting, so why not keep your matches at your fingertips?

From informative articles to a social media-like user interface, our intentions go beyond matchmaking. Above all else, joining Sister Wives means you come for the perfect match and stay for the community. And if you haven’t found a suitable match 12 months after you join our VIP membership, no worries. In this case, we’ll cover the costs for the next 6 months. 

Sign up today - a standard membership is free!

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

COVID-19 restrictions are mostly lifted, with many states adopting a fully reopened status. But just because restaurants, bars, and stores are back in full swing, it doesn’t mean the virus has disappeared. New cases are still growing in a majority of states as of July 2021. 

But you’re still looking for a sister wife, and want to be cautious. We get it, and we’re right there with you. Some basic precautions can help us get back to that “new normal” we’ve been yearning for the past year and a half. So let’s dive in and see how we can keep dates poly-friendly and COVID-responsible.

Go on first dates outdoors or in spacious establishments

Ventilation and space are key to a safe, post-pandemic date. You might know whether a bistro or cafe (or wherever your go-to first date spot is) will be crowded on a given day, but you can limit your choices to COVID-responsible places. Think restaurants with patio seating, cafes with socially distanced tables, or bars with a guest limit. Bonus if it’s a rooftop bar or bar with a terrace!

Other ideas I’ll throw out are picnics, walks at the park, or even bike rides. This could be an opportunity to try new things with new people - it’s a sure way to bond quickly, and it’ll be less pressure than your typical dinner date.

Get vaccinated if you can and be honest about your status

If you have the resources, time, and physical ability to get vaccinated, do it. This not only boosts your body’s immune system response if you’re exposed to the virus, but it protects others around you. Without getting into too much detail and risking sounding preachy about vaccination, I’ll leave it at this: it’s the responsible thing to do.

If you’re been chatting with someone about going on a date and find out they refuse to get vaccinated based on unfounded pop-science research - it might be best to look for a sister wife elsewhere. You have a valid reason to want to know whether someone’s vaccinated, and you don’t have to sacrifice your health just for a first date.

Alternatively, you might hold off on dates altogether if you aren’t vaccinated yet. In this case, video calls, texting, and social media are your friends. Keeping in touch minus the risk has never been easier!

Communicate about your recent travels and whereabouts

By now, you’ve probably heard of superspreading events - gatherings where many people (from tens to hundreds) are infected by a highly contagious disease. COVID-19’s efficacy is no joke, and it’s easily spread during social events when your guard might be down.

Common events include weddings, birthday parties, business conferences, long public transportation rides, and gym classes for starters. It’s the worst when asymptomatic people go about their daily lives unknowingly transmitting the virus to more vulnerable individuals like the elderly and immunocompromised patients. (Another reason to get vaccinated if you can - you can help save people’s lives who are not able to receive the vaccine.)

So the bottom line? Be honest about whether or not you’ve traveled to a risky event, city, or country. When advised, quarantine for two weeks to avoid infecting others. You and potential sister wives have a right to know about the risks of a date. No matter the burning chemistry between you all, a close-contact date can wait!

Wear a mask when it makes sense

I know you’re probably tired of hearing this, but wearing a mask is one of the most basic things you can do to avoid catching and/or spreading the virus. This is most useful in crowded areas or if you’ve recently traveled to a risky area, but need to be around other people.

A double-layer mask is great and is generally breathable Of course, every building or workplace may have different requirements, so act accordingly. For casual outings, however, a double-layer fabric mask will do just fine.

Remember the 3C’s

I’ll leave you with this fundamental guideline we’ve all been following since the start of the pandemic. Try to avoid the 3C’s - “closed spaces, crowded places and close-contact settings.” Researchers have consistently found that this combination of factors increases your chances of catching the virus and spreading it to other people.

So date ideas that involve the great outdoors, spacious dining and lounging areas, and non-physical contact are our best choices for now. Let’s lead by example and show how the poly+ community is still taking COVID guidelines seriously no matter the number of cases.

There is a light at the end of this tunnel, and we’re nearly there, so let’s keep marching on - safely.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

In queer and poly+ spaces, bi-poly folks - that is, bisexual people who are polyamorous - possess a unique identity. There are many reasons why bisexual individuals lean towards polyamory also and why you’ll come across them on any given poly dating app.

Bisexuality and polyamory have a complex relationship. They share several stereotypes evident in both heterosexual and LGBTQIA+ communities. To illustrate the prominence of bisexual individuals in the polyamorous scene, consider that in one survey of bisexual women by William Burleson, 61% identified as polyamorous. Another report by Heidi Bruins Green showed that 21% of the participants were currently in polyamorous relationships, and 40% identified as polyamorous.

Let’s unpack the reasons why bisexual individuals sometimes feel compelled to participate in poly relationships regardless of their initial stance on polyamory.

Polyamory reaffirms bisexual identity tangibly

In Margaret Robinson’s article “Polyamory and Monogamy as Strategic Identities,” she argues that poly relationships (which are commonly gender-blind), may help stave off the “bisexual erasure” bisexual individuals feel in bisexual and queer communities.

Unfortunately, bisexuality suffers from stereotypes similar to the ones polyamory is subject to. This includes being labeled promiscuous and expected to only be able to form non-monogamous relationships. Additionally, others view bisexuality as a fleeting chapter in someone’s sexual or identity journey - up until they find either a person of the same sex or one of the opposite sex, according to Linda Garnets and Douglas C. Kimmel’s 2003 book, “Psychological Perspectives on Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Experiences.”

In other words, others see bisexuality as a stopping point before individuals eventually choose to be gay or straight. When bisexual individuals lean towards polyamory, however, they can refute the misconception that bisexuality is only “...a sexual and behavioral phenomenon rather than as a social political identity.” (Garnets and Kimmel, 2003).

Like Robinson asserts, polyamory and monogamy should be considered strategic identities, which “...serve a political, social, or interpersonal function and are adopted by in-groups living under the surveillance of powerful out-groups.” There is a lot to unpack here, but here is my main takeaway from her work.

When many people still regard bisexuality as an invalid orientation that belongs to neither heterosexual nor gay category, it makes sense that bi-poly individuals find the welcoming spirit of the poly world a refreshing change.

If a bisexual person has a monogamous relationship with only one person of a specific orientation or gender (for instance, a bi woman with a straight, male-identifying partner), then they feel their bisexual identity is overlooked. This results in a mental conflict about their true identity and how they can reconcile being in a monogamous relationship while signaling to the world that they are indeed bisexual.

Looking at the situation in this way, it’s easy to see why bisexual folks are attracted to polyamory, then. Being able to connect with multiple people of multiple genders is a visible way of actualizing and living out their true identity as bisexual. Additionally, this bi-poly identity allows them to feel part of an accepting group that may share their social and political perspectives.

Benefits of being in a bi-poly group

In Geri Weitzman’s “Therapy with Clients Who Are Bisexual and Polyamorous,” several benefits of being in a bi-poly community arise. First is the opening of relationship doors - whether that’s finally finding partners who are also bi-poly or finding partners who have no gender preference.

Second is the freedom to express one’s innermost desires or fantasies without feeling judged. The third is the possibility of forming triads or quads with no gender limitations. Fourth is the feeling of acceptance. It’s no surprise that the mainstream is unkind to unconventional ideas and lifestyles.

Alienation and prejudice is an all-too-common experience for anybody who strays from compulsory heterosexual monogamy, and it’s even more common in bi-poly folks who might get shunned from both bisexual and heterosexual communities.

How to avoid a social faux pas with bi-poly folks on poly dating apps

Like I mentioned above, there are stereotypes that bisexual people fight daily. If you practice polygamy, chances are you’ve probably come across these stereotypes, too. In short, we mustn't discriminate when it comes to courting bi-poly folks on dating apps or websites.

First, not every bi-poly individual wants to have wild, erotica-novel fantasies with multiple people of different genders at once. Each person is different, and the key is establishing comfort levels, respecting boundaries, and meeting needs.

Second, not every bi-poly individual wants short-term, casual encounters. This stereotype that bisexual people cannot thrive in long-term, committed relationships is harmful and disrespectful. It’s rooted in the idea that bisexuality is a constant push and pull struggle where the bisexual individual is never satisfied staying with one gender. Of course, every person signs up to poly dating apps like Sister Wives with different intentions - it’s up to you to determine whether a relationship will work out or not.

Third, don’t try to “convert” a bisexual person. Whether you’re a man speaking to a bisexual man and trying to convince them that they’re gay or you’re a woman speaking to a bisexual man and trying to convince them that they just haven’t found the right woman yet, this line of thought is completely inappropriate and tinged with biphobia.

Fourth, don’t assume that a bi-poly person is completely out to their friends and family. A person’s coming out experience should be determined by them and them only. The specific time, location, and conditions should be in their power, not yours, to respect their agency.

I’ve given you four basic tips on how to unlearn any misconceptions you may have about bi-poly individuals, but the truth is, every relationship is different. Moreover, every person is different, and one’s identity is never set in stone. In short, it’s impossible to cover every single scenario.

However, that’s why I take pride in our poly community - we live our truths unashamedly, and welcome others with open arms who wish to do the same.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Poly relationships are just as likely to experience problems compared to monogamous ones, but the former creates unique circumstances that allow one or multiple people in the relationship to manipulate others.

To clarify, an abusive relationship is one where the perpetrator intends to harm the other person/people in the relationship. On the other hand, a toxic relationship may be where the perpetrator does not necessarily act with malice, although their behavior is still often harmful. In short, all abusive behavior is toxic, but not vice versa.

Nevertheless, whether it’s physical, psychological, or verbal, both abusive and toxic behavior should not be tolerated.

Let’s dissect some common toxic behaviors that may crop up in your relationship with a sister wife or husband.

1. They stop you from forming relationships with other people in the polycule

In some cases, toxic behavior is abusive. When a person in the relationship assumes the lead position (or dictator title, really), then it might be a good idea to step back and reassess the situation.

For instance, consider a married man and woman who decide together that they want an open relationship. They bring in another man, and the wife forms an intimate relationship with him immediately. However, she forbids her husband from interacting with this second man at all.

In another example, a married man dates multiple women and brings them home occasionally. His nesting partner wants to be friendly--at the very least--with these women, but he gets angry or downright violent if she attempts to make contact. 

In these instances, the toxicity goes beyond inconvenience and is bordering on emotional abuse. Abusers often want to isolate their partners, and in poly relationships, it can be easy for the perpetrator to inflict harm because these types of arrangements are not conventional.

A unique circumstance in a poly relationship is the use of veto power (or the power of someone in the relationship to reject a potential partner). Ideally, it’s granted to everyone in the relationship, but toxic people will seize total control.

This imbalance tilts power dynamics in favor of one person, which always ends in hurt feelings--or worse, abusive relationships.

2. They make all the decisions in the relationship/household

Similarly, a toxic person might assume control over other matters in the household, whether it’s about children or a financial matter. We’re not talking about an arrangement where everyone in the polycule relies on a sole breadmaker or decisionmaker, which is common in polygamous households.

We’re talking about relationships where one person does not consult, negotiate, or discuss anything with anyone else. The sole intention is to consolidate power so the other person (or people) remains completely powerless.

When the submissive partners in the relationship have no say, they might spiral into insecurity, dependence, and hopelessness. This stripping of power and autonomy is a telltale sign of a toxic and abusive person.

3. They dismiss your feelings and don’t respect your boundaries

Gaslighting gets thrown around lightly, but it is a serious abuse tactic that inflicts psychological or emotional harm. It refers to any behavior that aims to dismiss, manipulate, or misconstrue another person’s feelings, memories, or judgment.

At first, gaslighting might seem like something your husband or sister wife does out of frustration or anger. Over time, you might recognize it as a way for them to control you while avoiding problems in your relationship.

It can be something as simple as your partner lying about their whereabouts to your partner blaming you for every issue that comes up. Poly relationships can be confusing to understand and challenging to navigate, especially when it comes to setting boundaries.

However, your partner(s) should always respect these boundaries--this is a sign of a healthy person and a healthy relationship. You should never apologize for your feelings, and you should never feel like you’re walking on eggshells every time you want to bring up something to your partner(s).

4. They justify their actions through jealousy

This point might fall under the previous one, but we’ve created a whole section for it because jealousy is such an innate part of poly relationships. Everyone (or almost everyone) will feel jealous at one point, whether it’s a union between three wives and a husband, two couples, or a married couple and another man.

It’s just human nature. Nevertheless, jealousy is not a valid excuse for toxic behavior. It’s not an excuse for snooping through your phone when you’re not in the room. It’s not an excuse for bombarding you with texts and calls when you’re out with a sister wife. It’s not an excuse for being the punching bag for their verbal hits and emotional outbursts.

Jealousy can be dealt with in many ways, but when left unchecked, it manifests as toxic behavior that threatens to sabotage your relationship. Couples who have just signed up to sister wife dating sites, especially, need to be wary of these feelings and learn how to manage them.

Once the new energy relationship dies down, couples might find jealousy bubbling under the lovey-dovey surface.

5. They demand privacy but don’t reciprocate this trust

An open relationship doesn’t mean you have to put all your cards on the table. In any throuple, quad, or polycule, you’re still your own person. You are always entitled to privacy when you ask for it, so this point might overlap a little bit with Number 3--respecting boundaries.

For example, you and your partner might have agreed to pursue other people in the relationship separately, and that’s fair. What’s not fair is if they conceal every detail about their metamour, but demand to know everything going on in your relationship(s).

Again we see an imbalance in the relationship.

How do I fix a toxic relationship with my sister wife or husband?

First, I’d like to revisit two core values I offer to people new to the poly world who are facing issues right off the bat: Question your assumptions and expectations about relationships and then adjust your expectations to discover the best relationship style for you and your partner(s).

When you establish healthy boundaries, you’re forced to analyze what assumptions might be holding you back. Is it expecting your partner’s absolute time and attention? Is it assuming that every person will be like your first polyamorous lover? Is it expecting to feel no jealousy at all when a new sister wife moves in?

Once you’ve decided what boundaries you need, then you can change your expectations about your current relationship. Adjust and modify as necessary. Making your needs known to your partner(s) is an essential part of a healthy union, and if your partner or metamour does not want to respect your needs, that’s a giant red flag.

If your partner refuses to talk to you every time you try to work things out, counseling or therapy might be the next step. An objective third party with experience in relationships might be able to provide a safe space where you can all feel comfortable tackling sensitive issues.

What if you’re still in the dating pool? We know all about catfishing and scammers online, so I recommend our guides on how to avoid getting catfished and how to recognize red flags on poly dating sites. If you know the signs to look out for, then it’s easier to remove yourself from a potentially toxic relationship immediately.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Joining a sister wife dating website can be nerve-wracking. If your heart and mind are in it for the right reasons, the process is more likely to go smoothly. However, we are still human and can be pushed to make some questionable decisions.

I’ve covered a list of the seven common reasons why people join sister wives dating sites--the wrong reasons. Let’s go over them in detail.

You want to save the relationship by “spicing things up”

This is by far one of the most common reasons most people try polyamory and polygamy in general. When a monogamous relationship takes a rocky turn, one or both people in the relationship might think it a good idea to try polygamy or polyamory. This might be detrimental overall.

Resorting to finding a sister wife in a desperate attempt to bring excitement into the relationship is a sign that the partners want to avoid facing the actual problems in their union. This Band-Aid solution rarely works and highlights the importance of proper communication--monogamous relationship or not.

You just want to make your partner happy

In the same vein, if your partner wants to experiment, and you don’t want to jeopardize your relationship by objecting, then you might just be saying “Yes” for the sake of avoiding confrontation. It is a hard pill to swallow, but sometimes we are not compatible with our partners--whether we’ve been with them for one year or a decade.

If your partner is adamant about trying polyamory or finding a sister wife, and you know in your heart that you are a pure monogamist, then you must tell them. Holding onto uncomfortable feelings can lead to resentment down the road. This only means lost time on both ends.

You’re sexually unsatisfied in your current relationship

Polygamy and polyamory as a whole are oversexualized. The average reader might think about orgies, multiple sexual partners, and other X-rated images when the term polygamous relationship comes up. In fact, poly couples likely engage in the same sexual activities as monogamist couples do. 

Yes, group sex is a thing, and multiple partner arrangements exist, but media has demonized poly relationships on the sexual front. In reality, most poly relationships are calculated and are not full of risks.

If you or your partner wants to join sister wives dating sites for the sake of sexual satisfaction, then sister wives dating sites might not be for you. You might step back and think about what you need from your current partner and try out some possible solutions before expecting other people to provide the answer.

You expect relationships without full commitment

Poly relationships are portrayed as lax, indulgent, and casual. However, poly relationships (polygamous relationships, more specifically) are often committed. There’s no other way to be when you’re uniting multiple lives into a single thread.

While people might regard all poly relationships as uncommitted, this simply isn’t true. If you’re joining sister wives dating sites with this mindset, then you might be up for a rough wake-up call. Of course, not everyone is looking for something permanent and serious, but many people on sister wives dating sites are.

You want an excuse to be intimate with other people

Another common reason for people to join poly dating sites is to avoid the consequences of being intimate with others. This unhealthy reason helps give polyamory and polygamy a bad name because it ascribes a promiscuous attribute to consensual non-monogamy. In reality, people in poly relationships are meticulous about who they welcome into their lives and into their bedrooms.

Whether you’re a single person who wants to be with multiple people but balks at the idea of your partner being with someone else or a couple who finds the idea of a metamour thrilling, but in reality, crumble at the slightest sign of jealousy, the poly lifestyle should not be an excuse to experience extra-relationship intimacy minus the consequences.

You’re afraid of being alone

Moreover, you should not be on sister wives dating sites if you’re simply afraid of being alone. This rings true for anyone who doesn’t want to grow old alone and for any divorced person who thinks they’re increasing their odds of finding a relationship by trying the poly lifestyle.

You’re not only doing yourself a disservice by being honest with yourself, but you might be wasting your time, too. Most genuine polyamorists and polygamists can sniff out imposters a mile away.

You’re looking for extra financial help

Similarly, if you’re a divorced person with kids or a person who was not financially independent while in your previous relationship, don’t look to poly dating sites for an easy fix. Financial assistance is an immoral reason for turning to sister wives dating sites, and should only be considered a bonus when entering a poly relationship.

Misleading another person or people into a dishonest relationship cannot end well for anyone involved. Instead, ask for help where you can (friends, family, professional assistance), and work hard to get yourself where you need to be in good financial standing.

How do I know if a poly relationship is right for me?

There are many benefits to poly relationships, but these are not the reasons for joining one. Instead, ask yourself if you can handle the stressors in a poly relationship (namely jealousy and resource management), whether you want to enter a poly relationship or you feel pressured to do so, and why you want to be in a poly relationship.

If you can answer truthfully and are satisfied with your self-reflection, then it might be time to take the next step. Joining a poly dating site can feel intimidating, but it can also feel liberating. You’re a step closer to being your authentic self, and if you need clarification on the ever-growing list of poly terms, check out our poly terms and conditions article for the most recent insight.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Polygamists face a wide variety of stereotypes and assumptions from society. In order to understand the poly lifestyle, it’s important to learn more about it. That includes facts about polygamy as well as learning what’s not true about it. 

This post contains the top things most people don’t know about all things polygamy. So whether you’re new to polygamy or just interested in learning more about it, read on!

1. U.S. Moral Acceptance of Polygamy Has Increased 400%

In 2003, Gallup - a global analytics firm - first included polygamy in its "moral acceptability" section of the Values and Beliefs poll. That year, approval of polygamy in the United States was 7 %. However in the year 2006, public opinion on polygamous marriage took a sharp downturn, and just 5% of the population could describe it as “morally acceptable.” 

Then, Big Love premiered on HBO, followed by TLC's Sister Wives in 2010. In 2011, approval jumped to 11% which led to some speculation that some people just needed something like a television series to help them better understand polygamy dating and kill any mental blocks they had toward the lifestyle. It has steadily increased since then, with the acceptance of polygamy hitting 20% in 2020. This means it’s increased by 400% in 15 years.

2. Kody Brown Helped Decriminalize Polygamy in Utah

Those familiar with the reality show Sister Wives were used to hearing about Kody Brown working to reform his family's roles and relationships, but were pleasantly surprised to see him working to reform legislation, too. After being investigated for bigamy by Utah prosecutors, polygamist Kody Brown protested Utah's laws against polygamy. Though he failed in his initial endeavor, he continued to advocate for legal reform since then.

Since then, Brown and his wives became the face of polygamy advocacy, pushing for the Utah legislation to be passed for several years. It even became a plot point on several episodes of Sister Wives. One example of their advocacy was their participation in the “March for Liberty” on February 10, 2017, in Salt Lake City, Utah, to change laws surrounding poly marriage. In March 2020, the governor of Utah signed Senate Bill 102 into law, which allows a person to have multiple, consenting spouses at the same time and not be subject to felony charges.

3. Polygamists Aren’t Always Mormon

Polygamy was outlawed in all United States territories in 1862. At the time, Mormons were the main group of people who practiced plural marriage as a result gained property dominance in the Utah Territory. Basically, polygamy was outlawed because the government felt the Mormon church had too much control over land in Utah. In order to gain ownership of their assets back, the Mormon church officially discontinued the practice of plural marriage by 1890. 

However, existing plural marriages weren’t dissolved and this portion of the Mormons broke away and became what we know today as Mormon Fundamentalists. Some of them also fled to Canada and Mexico, who eventually also outlawed polygamy. This explains why the assumption in North America is that all polygamists are Mormons or vice versa, but what many don’t realize is the fact that there is a strong divide between fundamentalists and The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. So while Mormons may have originally introduced the lifestyle here, that was in the 1800s. Polygamy has since been modernized, so there are no requirements (other than all partners being consenting adults) to become a polygamist!

4. Polygamous Marriages Don’t Have a Hierarchy

In the early days of polygamy, being the first wife (or husband) in a polygamous marriage meant you had considerable authority and influence over every other spouse that was added to your husband's household. Though this isn’t the case today, a common misconception is that there’s a certain “ranking” for each sister wife. Sometimes people think the first wife gets all the perks, others think it’s the newest one. 

The truth is, there is no hierarchy in modern poly relationships. Just like a two-person marriage, it’s up to the people in the relationship to create their own dynamics. Each person may have their own role or area of responsibility, but it’s not decided based on how long they’ve been in the family.

5. There Are 2 Forms of Polygamy

Polygamy is usually associated soley with a man having sister wives. Though that’s the most common form of polygamy, it’s not the only one. In fact, there are three different polygamous lifestyles. 

The most-known sect of polygamy is polygyny, which is when a husband has multiple wives at the same time. The opposite of that is polyandry, where a woman has multiple husbands simultaneously.  Polyandry is much more rare than polygyny for a variety of reasons.

6. Cheating Exists in Polygamous Relationships

A common misconception is that polygamists and polyamorous people alike are essentially just enabling themselves to cheat on their partners. Or, in other words, that cheating doesn’t exist. We get it - when polygamists are ready to expand their family, they begin dating. However, poly dating is not as casual as monogamous dating is, as weird as that may sound. 

That’s because polygamists are dating to marry. While there’s of course a more casual beginning phase of going on a few dates and getting to know one another, if a polygamist can see the person they’re dating becoming their spouse and joining their family, they’ll progress toward that path quicker than “normal.” The other partners are aware of their spouse dating, though, and usually have boundaries set in place that everyone’s comfortable with. So if those boundaries are broken, it’s safe to say anyone - including a polygamist - would consider that cheating.

7. Polygamy Dating is More Convenient Than You Think

If you’re interested in finding a sister wife or otherwise becoming a polygamist, poly dating is not as out of reach as you may think. In fact, you can do it right from your phone! All you have to do is find the polygamy dating app or website for you.

At Sister Wives, we believe love is love and pride ourselves on giving people a way to find it. We also provide the tools and resources you need to learn more about polygamy dating and the poly community as a whole. Whatever stage of your journey you’re on, we’re here to help!

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com

Tell someone you’re in the process of finding a second wife as a husband, and you might get some questions and a few raised eyebrows. Tell someone you’re looking for a second husband as a wife, and you might get a full lecture about why it’s wrong and why you should reconsider. 

Lately, there have been many negative opinions thrown around regarding polyandry--the practice of having more than one husband. It might be considered rare in this day and time, but polyandry does exist, and the reasons are varied. 

So let’s explore polyandry as a whole to gain a better understanding of why it may be regarded in a negative light.

How common is polyandry?

Although polyandry remains a unique arrangement, it can be found (and has been present) in nearly all continents. In particular, researchers have studied and surveyed societies in Asia and Africa to better understand this union type. 

During my investigation, I found no exact number that reveals how many families practice polyandry. For the sake of this article, a conservative guess would be that 0.47% of the human population is polyandrous.

Experts have put together a list of possible reasons why polyandry occurs. Frankly, many of them are based on evolutionary concepts, and there needs to be more focus on modern reasons not just in certain parts of the world, but in all societies.

Here are several motives behind polyandry.

Socioeconomic

In older cultures where polyandry is common, socioeconomic conditions perpetuate this type of relationship. For instance, some communities in India and Nepal practice polyandry because families do not want to break up land inheritances when multiple brothers marry different women.

Under monogamy, these land inheritances would be divided between the siblings, and the resulting land portions would be too small to farm effectively. Additionally, men moving away to marry different women further deplete their parents’ resources, resulting in poor living conditions for the parental unit.

Geographic

Some cultures are polyandrous because of their geographic location. This applies to isolated communities and communities with little access to resources. Thus, monogamous marriages with multiple children would not be feasible.

Evolutionary

In other instances, the imbalance between the male population and the female population has also led to polyandry. Although a man might be a suitable bachelor, he may be competing with many other males in the community. The logical solution is entering a polyandrous marriage. 

Combined, the conditions mentioned above all make polyandry the best option to promote survival. Instead of focusing on carrying on the family line by joining a monogamous marriage and producing an heir, males in polyandrous societies are typically more influenced by the community’s overall well-being.

Difficulties with finding a second husband

Although males may accept the fact that they might not produce an heir in a polyandrous marriage, they might still struggle with this truth throughout the relationship. 

In reality, the idea that they are less likely to father their genetic children in a polyandrous marriage is a major stressor. In the same vein, sexual jealousy is a significant problem in polyandrous homes.

As a result, men often seek out and prefer younger wives who have a higher chance of giving them children. However, not all poly couples or groups want children. Other instances of polyandry are a result of the need for protection against intruders who may prey on wives when the husbands are away from the home for too long.

The first husband and wife would rather ensure safety than maintain a monogamous relationship and risk fatal harm. Other obstacles polyandrous households face are similar to any other poly relationship. These challenges include jealousy, unequal affection and resource allocation, and poor connections overall.

Benefits of polyandry

Likewise, polyandry’s benefits mirror the benefits of finding a second wife. Particularly in Western nations, these benefits consist of more shared resources, a larger support network for the whole family, and more assistance in child-rearing.

For others, sexual and/or emotional satisfaction may be the most appealing aspect of having multiple husbands. You might just be someone who enjoys meeting other people, getting to know them, and sharing them with your significant others. You might be someone who wishes to be that supportive second husband to a hardworking wife. 

You might be enthralled by the idea of spending the rest of your days not just with one person, but many others who feel the same. We get it: the monogamous lifestyle isn’t for everyone. That’s why we founded Sister Wives in the first place--to help you find your people without judgment.

So why the judgment against polyandry? One word: bigotry. Many believe that polyandry tips the power too much in women’s favor. Others believe that polyandry violates the laws of marriage and nature. Others balk at the idea of men willingly handing over the reins to women in a household. 

No matter the brand of sexism and intolerance, it’s almost always absurd.

What’s our stance at Sister Wives?

This is to say that the sensational articles questioning or even attacking polyandry come from closed minds. Additionally, polyandry isn’t just “a misguided attempt by activists to equalize men and women” like polygamist Musa Mseleku would have you believe. Although equality and balanced power dynamics are fringe benefits of polyandry and sister wife relationships in general, it’s not the main driving force behind it.

We must keep in mind that people also choose polyandry for no other reason than wanting more meaningful relationships or more joy in their lives.

At the risk of sounding cliché, I’ll say it anyway: Love is love. Although we are called “Sister Wives,” our site offers much more than that. You can sign up as an individual, couple, or group and search for a female, male, couple, group, or all of the above. So whether you’re actively finding a second wife or wanting to explore polyandry, SisterWives.com is a safe space that allows you to be your authentic self.

Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com