Chris's article

Online poly dating is a tricky digital landscape to navigate. You might spend hours researching how to approach a potential sister wife, let alone a couple that is on a search to find a sister wife. The best advice we can give is to be yourself, remember the best safety and polite practices when online dating, and don’t be afraid to make the first move.


You won’t get anywhere without pushing yourself even just a little bit out of your comfort zone, and the worst that can happen is you don’t get a reply back. The only thing holding you back may be the idea that every single interaction has to be perfect, and frankly, that’s just not realistic.


Be yourself


In finding a sister wife, you must be honest not just with yourself but with others.


● Have an accurate, recent profile photo

● Clearly state what you want out of this dating service (i.e. “Finding a sister wife”)

● Share hobbies and interests


Be bold, but don’t be pushy


Our dating service allows you to message other profiles privately, and you can also invite multiple people to a group chat. The group feature can help ease some nerve-wracking pressure if you’re new to dating or if you don’t want to pressure someone into a one-on-one conversation.


When you initiate a meaningful conversation, others may be more likely to trust your profile, too. You’re establishing yourself as a genuine, real person (i.e., not a bot or fake profile), by asking others about their interests and hobbies.


What’s not attractive is spamming someone with messages if they don’t respond within hours or days! The best case scenario is that the other person is just extremely busy, and the worst case scenario is they’re not interested.


Don’t worry—the right person will respond, so don’t go to extreme measures just yet. We also alert you when a potential sister wife who matches your profile and interest signs up for our service.


Be yourself, but don’t be too open with personal information


We do our best to eliminate fake profiles to help you avoid romance scams, but unfortunately, scammers are using new ways to bypass our human-powered efforts and thwart your efforts in finding a sister wife.


We continuously weed out bogus profiles, but it’s always a good idea to be safe online whether you’re on a dating service or not.


● Never reveal information that can lead to your physical location

● Never share information that gives someone access to your bank account or credit cards

● Never tell anyone where you work before vetting them


Be vulnerable, but trust your gut


Dating can make us feel euphoric with feel-good brain chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin rushing through us. Unfortunately, these feelings can overshadow the red flags that others may be showing.


● Is the other person overly flattering?

● Do they conceal information about themselves, but always ask questions about you?

● Do their stories add up?


Lies big and small


If you consistently catch someone in a lie—no matter how small—it may be a tell-tale sign that they’re not a mature person. Worst case scenario is they’re not actually on the dating site to look for a legitimate relationship.


Asking for money


Why would anybody ask for money on a dating site, you ask? To conduct a romance scam! Never send money online to someone you don’t know, no matter how urgent they make try to make it seem.


Most suspicious are profiles that ask you to send money overseas through wire transfers or gift cards.


Wanting to meet within days of first contact


If somebody confesses their love within three days of meeting you, you’re right to feel skeptical. Our dating service allows you to video call other members to make it easier to find a sister wife who is authentic and honest, helping filter out fakes that may be after your money or targeting catfishing victims.


Don’t dox other members


Just because you get rejected by someone online does not give you the right to reveal their personal information to the world or to their circle if you are part of it. In a similar vein, some people may not be out as polygamists or polyamorists, and we should give them the opportunity to come out on their own terms.


Finding a sister wife in the digital age


Online poly dating is full of exciting new connections and poly members who want to join you on this journey. At times, online dating can feel awkward and unnatural, but treat it like you would as an in-person dating event or a casual walk through an unknown neighborhood.


There are people you will naturally gravitate toward, and there are people who you will happily pass by without greeting. Who knows, in your search to find a sister wife online, you might make a lifelong friend instead—there’s no lose-lose situation here.









Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc


For heterosexual people, there are all kinds of support groups available. From online advice groups to speed dating events, monogamous people are always one click or call away from someone who understands what they’re going through.


What about if you need a polygamy community that understands what it’s like to feel jealous of a new partner, or feel frustrated at not being able to spend time with your metamour? Fortunately, help is here, and you just need to know where to look.


That Kind of Polygamy Community


One Google query of “polygamy community” yields alarming articles about genetic disasters in secluded polygamous communities, remote ranches inhabited by polygamists, and rural areas that serve as havens for practicing polygamists.


While these areas are indeed very real, they’re not the type of polygamous communities we’ll be talking about today. We’ll be talking about online or in-person communities where the average Joe or average Jane can connect with other like-minded peers.


In-Person Polygamy Meetings


If you’re a face-to-face type of person, and you thrive on social relationships, you might want to find groups that meet regularly.


To find them, try going on events-oriented sites and typing up your city. You can also try Google by typing in “polygamy event + [Your City]” or “polygamy support + [Your City]” depending on what you’re looking for.


Broader groups like LGBTQIA+ organizations can also provide a way for you to meet other polygamists. You never know—you might also meet your new partner or sister wife through one of these events!


● meetup.com

● eventbrite.com

● groupspaces.com


Online Groups


If you want to keep things virtual, or if you want to vet people before you meet them at a physical location, you’re in luck. There are plenty of online groups where you can connect with others about the poly lifestyle.


Facebook


Check out some of these groups I discovered on the platform.


● Polygamy meetup

● Relationships Outside the Box: Polyamory and Open Relationships

● Relationship Success Secrets: Polyamory, Consensual Non-Monogamy, Freedom

● Polyamorous Dating

● Homesteading & Polygamy (polygyny)

● Biblical Christian Polygamy/Polygyny

● Polygamy Personals, Advocacy & Education

● Poly Dating & More in your 30's-50's

● …and more


These are just a few groups I found during a quick search. Your results may yield something different based on your location, and you can also add “[Your City]” to any poly group-related searches on Facebook.


Reddit


For those unfamiliar, Reddit is a forum-type social media platform where you can post comments, send messages, or post images/videos/text. Everything you post is public, but the messaging feature is private.


It’s incredibly helpful for seeking advice or making casual connections. Alternatively, there is a cheekier side of Reddit, just like any other online platform, where you may be able to strike up a dating-oriented conversation or exchange some explicit content, given that both parties are consenting.


Check out these useful groups if you want to give the platform a try.


● r/polyamory

● r/Polygamy

● r/SisterWives

● r/seekingsisterwifetlc

● r/PolygamyDiscussion

● r/TLCsisterwives

● r/polyamoryR4R

● r/nonmonogamy

● r/polyfamilies


Sister Wives


We also provide a safe, welcoming space on our site for members to connect. Use our forums section to discuss anything from how to come out as poly to what is the best music genre—any topic is fair game!


Other Sites


Here are a few more forum-type sites you can explore for information, advice, or discourse.


● polyamory.com

● polyliving.net

● polyamorysociety.org


Other Types of Support


If you’re looking for other kinds of polygamous information like podcasts, shows, or books, take a look at some of the more popular resources down below. While these may not be your typical poly community, consuming these media can help you get a better understanding of the polygamous lifestyle, its roots, and its current direction.


Podcasts


From dissecting poly love and relationships through a feminist lens to a Mormon viewpoint, there’s no shortage of great podcasts to enrich your ideas and knowledge of this lifestyle.


● Polyamory Weekly

● Unmasked

● Year of Polygamy Podcast

● Polygamy: What Love Is This?


TV Shows


Granted, the variety of shows available is limited to reality TV and harrowing docu-dramas, but they provide great insight into the lifestyle, nonetheless.


● Sister Wives

● Seeking Sister Wife

● Escaping Polygamy

● Big Love


Books


Most books that touch on polygamous subjects are autobiographies recounting women’s experiences with religious or forced plural marriage If you’re dealing with this kind of trauma, hearing others’ accounts of similar experiences may validate your feelings and help you process your emotions.


Shot in the Dark: Craigslist or Other Classifieds


Craiglist is nearly obsolete, with the rest of the Internet moving onto more advanced (and probably more secure) platforms like Facebook, OfferUp, Poshmark, etc. However, it may not hurt to post a classified looking for a support group, supportive peer, or something along those lines.


At worst, you receive an unsolicited message, and at best, you find a genuine peer who is also in a poly relationship. Who knows, they may be able to point you in the right direction when looking for a polygamy community.








Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc


On June 6, the fourth installment of Seeking Sister Wife premiered on TLC. The first episode, titled “Who Doesn’t Like Thirds?” introduced us to two new couples, the Davises, and the Foleys.


This season, viewers will also get to catch up with some show veterans—the Merrifields and the Joneses—as they find a sister wife to join their respective families.


Different Paths to Finding a Sister Wife


When it comes to growing a plural family, no two stories are alike. During the premiere episode, we got to meet some new faces and hear about their experiences with polygamy.


The Davises on Finding a Third Sister Wife


From the teasers and all the pre-season content we read beforehand, we knew that the Davises had an unusual family dynamic.


Jennifer and April are the ones who are legally married, and they both adopted their husband Nick’s last name. However, we find out that April and Nick had been together for 14 years before meeting Jennifer through April’s work.


It has been four years since Jennifer joined the family, and now, they’re trying to find another sister wife to add to the mix. What’s more, Nick is the main caretaker of his and April’s son, while Jennifer and April work.


It’s revealed that April’s son is not actually Nick’s, but he is the father by any other definition.


The Foleys on Courting a Younger Sister Wife


Steve and his then-wife had been married for 12 years when they met Brenda and became a plural family. Since then, the first wife has left the family due to negative emotions surrounding polygamy, but Steve and Brenda are still going strong.


On the show, Steve (42) and Brenda (38) are discovering just how difficult it may get when finding a sister wife that can get along with both of them. Right now, they’re courting April, a younger woman of 21.


Steve and Brenda are hoping all works out, but we’ll have to stay tuned to Seeking Sister Wife and see whether the two women will end up getting along.


The Merrifields on Growing a Big Family


Dannielle and Garrick Merrifield are back for another season. This time, they’re determined on finding a sister wife after participating in a non-legal ceremony in Mexico with the newest member of their family, Roberta.


Although preparations were underway to bring Roberta to the US (including a divorce between Dannielle and Garrick), it seems that the new sister wife still has personal matters to deal with back home.


For now, the American couple is courting Lea, a nurse who resides in California, whom they met online. On the show’s first episode, the couple drives from Colorado to California, and they meet Lea at the airport. All goes well, but it seems Roberta is experiencing some jealousy, making the idea of a virtual call feel uncomfortable.


It’s helpful to note that Garrick feels a religious calling to start a polygamist family and become head of a large family. Fortunately, it seems that their potential sister wife Lea fully understands the responsibilities of a sister wife—so far.


The Eppses on Finding a Third Wife


Previously, the Epps family was thought to join the show, but scandals surrounding Marcus Epps may have led producers to cut the family from season 4 of Seeking Sister Wife.


While fans were excited to learn as the throuple finds a sister wife, we’ll need to wait for the next episode to see if the Epps family will be around.


When is Episode 2 of Seeking Sister Wife Airing?


All future episodes of the show will air on Mondays at 10 PM ET on TLC.








Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc


This show will air its fourth season on June 6, at 10 p.m. ET on TLC. While fans enjoyed up to 12 episodes at most in previous seasons (Season 3), we’ll get a whopping 14 episodes this summer.


For the uninitiated, Seeking Sister Wife documents the journey of several families who are searching for another wife to join their unit. Unlike other shows that chronicle plural families who are already established, Seeking Sister Wife gives us an insider’s view into this personal, and often emotional experience for everyone involved.


In 2021, we cheered and cried alongside five families on their dating quests and through their plural family struggles. Come June, we’ll meet some new faces and welcome old ones.


Who Will Be in the New Season?


From international sister wife candidates to wives who are married to each other, Season 4 of Seeking Sister Wife is sure to have some thrilling surprises in store.


Family 1: The Foleys


No stranger to the polygamist lifestyle, Steve and Brenda are taking the plunge into dating once again. In Season 4, fans will get to see how the couple handles courting a younger sister wife.


Family 2: The Davises


Who else will we meet this coming season? Nick, April, and Jennifer Davis who have somewhat an unorthodox arrangement, at least relative to the plural lifestyle. Jennifer and April are legally married, but they are both wives to Nick, whose last name they share.


Viewers will accompany the throuple as they try to find another sister wife to join their family.


Family 3: The Eppses


The last new group we’ll meet is family Marcus, Taryn, and India Epps. With two sister wives already in the household, the family decides to search for a third wife. Together, we’ll bear witness to their ups and downs in wooing a potential sister wife.


Family 4: The Merrifields


Seeking Sister Wife veterans Garrick and Danielle Merrifield will be giving us updates on their love life this summer. Last we saw them in Season 3, they were ecstatic about meeting and welcoming Roberta, a woman from Brazil, into their lives.


The married couple even divorced to grant Roberta legal status to remain in the U.S. In the new season, we’ll witness how the newlyweds are faring with their current arrangement.


Family 5: The Joneses


Sidian and Tosha Jones are also familiar faces we’ll be glad to see on our screens again. This summer, we’ll join them as they try to navigate their three-person household alongside international sister wife candidate Arielle from the Philippines.


Who Will Not Be Joining the New Season


Perhaps unsurprisingly, there are some families who won’t get any screentime this upcoming season.


Family 1: The Snowdens


In season 2 and beyond the show, Dimitri and Ashley Snowden exhibited how a plural family experiences similar heartbreaks, personal issues, and even scandals, just like any other family.


Ashley and Dimitri dated and welcomed Vanessa into their family after saying goodbye to Joselyn, another potential sister wife, but it was revealed that Vanessa quickly left the household after just a few months of marriage.


Family 2: The Winders


Another family, the Winders, won’t be back this upcoming season, citing that the “...show is taking a different path” as the reason why via an Instagram post. Tami, Sophie, and Colton Winder joined the show in season 2, and fans fell in love with their down-to-earth personalities and strong family dynamics.


In particular, viewers appreciated how emotionally mature and respectful everyone in the household was, especially since there are two children in the mix.


Other Polygamy Shows Like Seeking Sister Wife


Although we have a few weeks until the season premiere of Seeking Sister Wife, there may be similar polygamy shows you need to catch up on.


Sister Wives (2010-Present)


The golden child of polygamy shows, Sister Wives has 16 seasons you can binge-watch until June. It follows the lives of Kody Brown and sister wives Christine, Meri, Robyn, and Janelle—plus their 18 children.


Spoiler alert: Sister wife Christine leaves Kody in 2021, and only Season 17 can reveal whether or not the other sister wives follow suit.


My Five Wives (2013-2014)


Similar to Sister Wives, this show portrays a family practicing polygyny. In this family, there are five sister wives, one husband, and 25 children to get to know. There were two seasons overall.


Polygamy, USA (2013)


This one-part series from National Geographic showcases three polygamous families who live in Centennial Park, a Mormon headquarter in Arizona. It’s a fascinating series that acknowledges the challenges of living in the Centennial Park Group as a polygamist.


Escaping Polygamy (2014-2019)


If you’re curious about how people born into polygamy who do not want to stay polygamous leave the community, try watching Escaping Polygamy. This series follows the story of two sisters born into polygamy who end up leaving and helping others who wish to leave, too.


Three Wives, One Husband (2014-2017)


Similar to Escaping Polygamy, this docuseries demystifies an often secret side of polygamy. It depicts the lives of 15 Mormon families living in Utah and how their unique arrangements affect their quality of life.


In other words, Seeking Sister Wife opens a window into modern polygamous lifestyles, but Three Wives, One Husband provides insight into the religious reasons behind polygamy. It’s also an insider’s look into the courting process for a sister wife and it reveals how large, polygamous families operate day-to-day.








Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc


In many ways, passing as straight and monogamous is a blessing in disguise. At best, this freedom can help you avoid painfully awkward conversations or unjustified termination at worst.


Unfortunately, most states in the US don’t provide legal protection to polyamorists, no matter their relationship arrangement. This means ethically non-monogamous employees can get fired or denied housing and insurance due to their unconventional familial structures.


Less serious—but equally emotionally and mentally damaging—consequences of coming out at work are being ostracized by coworkers and being perceived through a prejudiced lens without ever getting to tell your story.


Should you keep your poly status a secret?


To be fair, every workplace is different. Some are incredibly supportive and open-minded, while others are as conservative and hostile as they come. To answer the question of whether or not to come out in the workplace as poly, my advice is to weigh your risks.


What is your workplace culture like?


Not everyone is lucky enough to work in a progressive, inclusive environment. The best that many polyamorous folks can hope for is tolerant coworkers and employers who don’t insist on prying into their personal lives.


When you’re deciding if, when, or how to come out in your workplace, your company culture is a huge factor. Some industries are breeding grounds for gossip, and even if you disclose your identity to just one person, your entire team may become privy to your life story.


On the other hand, there are workplaces that are actively building an accepting work culture. These organizations instill the value of trust, inclusivity, and diversity. In this environment, you may feel safe sharing more personal details with colleagues.


Do you have a high chance of being fired if you come out?


If your answer is yes, the most practical course of action is to remain ambiguous or straight-passing. Many poly folks refer to their significant others as “partner” so as not to let it slip that they may have a spouse and a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner.


Being fired is most likely your biggest concern when deciding whether or not to come out as polyamorous. It’s an injustice, and it shouldn’t be a factor in your coming out story, but it is the reality for many people.


Risks of coming out as polyamorous at work


People who identify as LGBTQIADP+ carry an emotional burden when they live and work in places that are not sympathetic to non-normative individuals.


● Being terminated from your position

● Gossip behind your back

● Being seen in a negative light

● Being passed over for career advancements and discrimination


Benefits of coming out as polyamorous at work


On the bright side, representing your full self can bring about positive changes for you and others.


● Living your truth

● Educating others

● Emotional release from concealing a large part of your identity

● Gain support from colleagues

● Encourage others who are closeted

● Build an inclusive company culture


The pros and cons are not mutually exclusive, and you may find that your coming out at work is a rollercoaster of emotions and social maneuvering. In the end though, if you decide to come out, you’ll be living with your whole identity on display—a freeing feeling, indeed.


However, you do not have to share your personal life or relationship status with anyone (especially at work)  if you do not want to. Your coming out is your choice, and you do not have to put your employment and financial stability in jeopardy to feel like you are being a poly ally or doing your part in breaking down polyamory stereotypes.


Polyamorous Celebrities


By contrast, many celebrities come out as LGBTDIADP+ to utilize their large and public platform. They put their relative privilege to use and mobilize allies to bring polyamory to the mainstream, including the workplace for the average person.


Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith


This is perhaps the most famous couple who is open about their non-monogamous relationship. Their daughter, Willow Smith, also came out as polyamorous in 2021. Willow is regarded as a Gen Z idol, partly thanks to her frank and outspoken personality, so it’s no surprise that she’s very vocal about this aspect of her identity.


Indya Moore


Indya is an American model-actor known for her role as Angel in the TV series Pose, a drama that explores the LGBTQ subculture ballroom scene in the late ‘80s and ‘90s. Indya is trans, non-binary, and polyamorous, but most of all, she’s a shining example of what it means to be your genuine self.


Bella Thorne


Bella got her start in the entertainment industry on The Disney Channel in 2010, and she came out as bisexual in 2016. In 2019, she announced that she identifies as pansexual and has since been an open book about her poly experiences.


Baron Vaughn


Baron is an actor-comedian with a long list of noteworthy works, including a supporting role in the comedy series Grace and Frankie. He’s also been a guest on podcast, radio show, and YouTube show episodes that discuss polyamory.


Deciding whether to come out to colleagues or not


Not being out as a polyamorist can feel like lying by omission. Beyond that, it can create some painful situations where one partner is out and the other is not, making the out partner feel like an immoral secret.


The bottom line is this: you choose what to share with coworkers and when, if ever. You are under no obligation to be anything more than cordial workmates, especially if your livelihood is at risk around the topic of polyamory. 


Until then, we can create changes in other ways like gently correcting coworkers when they express a blatant misconception about poly culture or sending reassuring messages to polyamorists online who have no support system. In the end, the only approval and acceptance you need is the one that comes from you.








Published By: Sister Wives 

Matchmakers Inc


Break-ups are never easy. There are complicated feelings to unpack and shared resources to redistribute, all the while trudging on with your day-to-day. But how do you break up in a poly relationship? We’ll share 5 pieces of advice here to help you maneuver through these difficult times.


5 tips on how to move on from a poly break-up


Use this time to rediscover yourself, what you have learned, and what you would like your future relationships to be like.


1. Allow yourself to feel everything


There are no bad feelings: Emotions are powerful, but they allow us to take a step back and analyze what is important to us at the moment. Do you feel betrayed? If so, you may need to talk to your ex-partner to find closure.


Do you feel anger? Then you may need to find an outlet to release your feelings or you may need time to flesh out your thoughts before expressing them. Emotions do not control us. Rather, we need to transform these feelings into appropriate, emotionally intelligent actions.


Grieving is normal: Like with any break-up, the end of a polyamorous relationship will probably be tinged with mourning and even regret. Let yourself experience grief over the “What if” and “What could have been” that is now in the past.


Not every break-up will be like this: It’s easy to feel jaded after a break-up, no matter how short or long the union was. The most important thing to remember is that no two poly relationships are exactly the same, so no poly relationship break-ups will be, either.


Although you can extract new knowledge about yourself and your poly relationships from your break-up, try not to carry over negative feelings into your dating life.


2. Let all your partners know how you feel


Talk it out: Even if your partner(s) doesn’t want to know all the details about your break-up, a great partner should always be willing to give you a shoulder to cry on. Utilize your village, and don’t be afraid to be vulnerable.


Ask for space—or extra support: If you’re worried about bringing others down with your post-break-up mood, take a day or a week to recalibrate. On the other hand, some people prefer to be around others when they are distressed.


3. Build a supportive network


Pick your confidantes: Not everyone gets polyamory. Not everyone wants to understand polyamory, so choose your allies carefully.


Tap into your poly network: The right people can not only comfort you but may be able to empathize with your situation. Other poly friends can share their experiences and may even give you advice on how to move on after a poly break-up.


4. Practice self-care


Eat nourishing food and stay hydrated: You may not feel like doing much now, but healthy food and drink are essential to maintain your mood and health.


Spend time in the sun: Ample exposure to sunlight reduces the likelihood of developing depression and it improves brain function.


Face feelings vs. numbing them: Yes, most people turn to drinks and other substances after a break-up. Yes, the emotional relief may feel gratifying, but it is only temporary.


5. Take time for self-reflection


Go on a trip: Take a page from Meri Brown’s living-my-best-life book and spend a relaxing weekend outdoors with loved ones.


Journal your feelings: Or, express your feelings in whatever way is natural to you. Paint, play sports, dance, build a car model, etc.


Pick up a new hobby: This is a great way to convert negative feelings into something productive. For instance, joining a new class at the gym or trying out pottery helps you develop a new skill while keeping your mind and body occupied.


Related Questions


How long does the average polyamorous relationship last?


A survey of 340 poly respondents (in different poly arrangements, e.g. primary, secondary) found that primary relationships last about eight years while secondary relationships last about five years.


How do breakups work in poly relationships?


This is a self-serving question because it really depends on the relationship. There are various polyamorous arrangements spanning throuples to relationship anarchy.


What can be answered is the question of when to break up with someone. Your experience may differ, but people often break up in open relationships due to a lack of or ineffective communication.


Another big factor in a break-up is whether or not the people involved still share the same life values and life goals. Of course, other variables include whether or not the agreed-upon relationship is casual or serious, whether or not the relationship is hierarchical, and whether or not everyone is satisfied with the current rules and boundaries within the relationship.


How do you feel secure in a poly relationship?


Poly relationships require extra thought and communication.


Establish rules and boundaries


…and revisit them regularly. People in the relationship should not be afraid to question, challenge, or propose an amendment to a rule.


Address all feelings


Read: Talk about jealousy and insecurity. This will not only help you develop better communication skills but build trust between everyone involved. Effective communication takes practice, and when everyone is not committed, that’s when break-ups tend to occur.


Understand that love is not a commodity that’s cut up into pieces


Love is unquantifiable, and poly love is proof that it’s infinite. This is to say that just because your partner is enamored with their new partner does not mean they love you any less.


It just means they have discovered their capacity to love even more, in a whole different way. Their other relationship has no bearing on how they feel for you, because your relationship is unique, too.


Final Thoughts


Cheesy as it sounds, break-ups are the beginning of a new chapter. Maybe it’s the beginning of a new book, even. One thing is for sure when you leave a relationship behind: You take away new experiences and wisdom to help you develop greater relationships in the future.


If you’re having doubts or issues as a sister wife, don’t be afraid to talk about changing the rules. After all, relationships are only successful when everyone is heard and understood








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Online dating is already challenging on its own, having to evade romance scams and catfish profiles. Dating as a straight male or female, however, is easy because most dating services are coded to meet the heteronormative individual’s needs. Ironically, the gender binary mirrors the binary code, a phenomenon we see on most dating sites.


Here’s what I mean.


Most Dating Sites Are Not Made for Poly Users


When you identify as one or the other in the gender binary, the binary code heeds your call. M looking for F or F looking for M — it’s simple. If you identify as non-binary or anything other than cis-het, it’s a whole different experience. Such is the case for most LGBTQIAPD+ people on dating apps.


Many of us who don’t identify as strictly cis-het face discrimination on dating apps and sites. For instance, if you put yourself out there as a poly individual on your profile description, you’re more likely to get banned. I’ve experienced it myself.


Unfortunately, Tinder, Match Group LLC is one of the main offenders. Even moderately popular dating services like #open aren’t immune to this unfairness. In fact, Google Play suspended #open in 2021, citing violation of Google’s “Sexual Content and Profanity policy” as the reason.


But how can an app who supports ethical non-monogamy be guilty of promoting profanity and inappropriate sexual content, while large players like Tinder, who are infamous for hookup culture, remain untouched?


The simple truth is, most dating apps don’t cater to poly members.


Does Tinder Allow Joint Accounts?


Per their terms of service, Tinder does not allow joint accounts between partners or friends.


What Are Other Poly Dating Apps?


There are many poly-friendly dating apps and services available such as Sister Wives®. Other options are OkCupid, #open, Feeld, and Bumble.


Other Instances of Discrimination in the Poly Community


Although the United States (and other countries) are making progress by acknowledging the validity of poly families, instituting anti-discriminatory laws, and busting down myths about being poly, the LGBTQIAPD+ community as a whole still faces momentous obstacles.


Laws That Promote Intolerance


● Illegality of gay marriage in many countries

● Illegality of poly marriages in most countries

● Lack of protection against dsicrimination based on gender identity when it comes to housing, employment, and public accommodations (Wisconsin, USA)

● Lack of mental and other medical support specially designed for LGBTQIAPD+ patients

● Lack of financial help for transgender patients


Attitudes and Misconceptions That Encourage Stereotypes


● Asexual people and many LGBTQIAPD+ folks have a mental illness

● Poly users on dating services (and in person) are just looking for promiscuous relations

● Children raised by same-sex parents are traumatized or develop unhealthily

● Identifying as LGBTQIAPD+ is wrong, abnormal, and not valid

● Identifying as poly is just a fad

● Marriage is strictly between one man and one woman

● Identifying as LGBTQIAPD+ means your parents raised you “wrong”


Why Discriminatory Laws and Attitudes Matter


When your gender identity and sexual orientation are threatened by the very law of the land, you cannot enjoy the same freedoms as your heterosexual, cisgender peers. Unfair treatment against the LGBTQIAPD+ community is prevalent.


These unfair treatments include substantial setbacks like being unable to close a house deal because the seller is prejudiced against same-sex relationships. Other seemingly minor but equally unjust incidents include being exempt from simple privileges like using a dating app when you identify as poly.


As a result, your life is governed by inconvenience at best, and malicious injustice at worst.


That’s why we have to challenge discrimination when we see it. Large dating services banning poly and other LGBTQIAPD+ users is only a small aspect of the bigoted system that keeps the our community oppressed.


Protecting Sister Wives® Users From Discrimination


All of us at Sister Wives® have been champions of poly love for more than 12 years, and we’re not going anywhere. Unlike other platforms, our service allows you to sign up as an individual, couple, or group. We understand that not every relationship fits a certain mold—particularly a monogamous one—and we support that.


Whether you’re a couple seeking an individual to create a hierarchical poly relationship with, or a solo polyamorist in search of other solo polyamorists, we can help you find the relationship configuration that works for you.


Sign up today to witness Sister Wives®’ unparalleled community for yourself.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Online dating is a convenient service, but it has its risks. One of these risks is encountering people who run romance scams. According to the FBI, romance scammers are “[criminals who adopt] a fake online identity to gain a victim’s affection and trust” and eventually ask for money using different excuses.


Unfortunately, romance scammers often prey on members of dating platforms like Sister Wives. We are taking proper measures to stop these con artists, but scammers are finding new ways to bypass security measures.


That’s why we’ve prepared a deep dive here on what romance scams are, warning signs of a romance scam, and how to avoid them. Your safety is one of our top priorities as a dating service, so let’s review together what we can do to stop romance scammers.


Different types of romance scams


Deception is the heart of these dishonorable schemes. The perpetrator’s game plan is to trick you into a vulnerable position, whether that’s gaining access to your online accounts or blackmailing you into sending money.


Money mules


Some victims have reported money laundering scams where a criminal gains access to their bank accounts to move dirty money. The funds can be moved through various means like gift cards, cryptocurrency, and money orders.


Fake checks


Scammers can also ask you to cash a check because they claim that they don’t have access to their banking accounts. They may ask you to wire that money before it clears, and you may be left penniless when the check bounces.


Cryptocurrency investment


Newer approaches to romance scams include asking victims to invest in cryptocurrency. Someone might also ask you to send money via cryptocurrency if they are trying to launder large amounts of capital without dealing with banks.


Gift cards


Gift cards are a common way romance scammers make or move money. They may ask you to reload or buy them gift cards, citing excuses like their checking account is frozen or they lost their wallet.


Personal information compromised and stolen


More malicious scams include sending malware through dating apps or services. When you open the message or link, it might compromise your device, leaving your personal information exposed.


Another common scheme is when romance scammers send you an email or text message asking you to verify your information on the dating site. It is not actually sent by the dating service, but by someone trying to steal your data.


When you open the message or link, it will ask you for sensitive information such as your social security number or credit card security code.


Sextortion scams


Sextortion happens when a person uses compromising pictures or videos of you to extort you for money. To avoid revealing their face, scammers might say that their camera is not working all the while encouraging you to pose or perform sexually suggestive acts with the intent of blackmailing you afterwards.


Immigration scams


If you are messaging someone who claims to be from another country, they might ask you for money to pay off their visa, plane ticket, or customs fees to visit you. They take advantage of your emotions and emphasize that they would love to see you in person, but they cannot afford it.


Online dating red flags that can indicate someone is dangerous


One warning sign to be wary of is when someone immediately wants to meet you in person. However, romance scammers usually try to avoid meeting in person unless it’s part of their strategy. Consider these other atypical behaviors that let you know when someone has bad intentions.


They claim to be in a certain profession


Romance scammers adopt fake personas when they sign up for dating sites.  One way to spot a liar is if they can’t or won’t provide you with more details when you ask them about their work.


● Construction or building industry worker

● Soldier

● Doctor who travels internationally

Worker on an oil platform


These professions often work outside of their home country, so it’s easy for scammers to pretend that they can’t meet you.


They suddenly have an emergency and they need your financial help


In 2020, the Federal Trade Commission reported that consumers lost $547 million to romance scams, the highest it’s ever been. This is also the largest figure in any of the fraud categories including identity theft, credit scams, and false lotteries.


On average, a person over 70 years old lost about $9,000 while someone aged 18 to 29 years old lost about $750. It may seem unbelievable, but sadly, romance scammers are expert manipulators.


Romance scammers will try to gain your trust first before asking for any money. Then they might claim any of the following reasons for needing your financial help:


● Medical emergency fees

● Legal fees

● They lost their debit card, so they need a gift card

● They came across a good investment opportunity

● Money for a flight

● They need to pay taxes for items in customs

● They need money to pay off their college degree before they can meet you

● They need you to cash a check and wire them the money

● Gambling debt


They want to know every single detail about you


This can be a sign of a stalker, someone too eager, or someone trying to pull an identity theft heist. You may be answering their questions left and right, but they never give you a chance to ask you about them.


In fact, they might not reveal anything personal about themselves at all — a huge red flag. This is also a tactic that romance scammers use to make their interest in your budding relationship seem genuine. They want to appear charming and engaged.


They want to meet you immediately without getting to know each other first


In a similar vein, they want to meet you ASAP when you haven’t established what relationship you’re looking for yet. Moreover, they might be insisting that you pay for their roundtrip flights and other travel fees (via money transfer) so they can meet you.


They pressure you to send pictures or videos you don’t feel comfortable sharing


A romance scammer may ask you for explicit content repeatedly even after you’ve declined. They may even try to guilt you into meeting their demands by saying they sent you pictures and videos (that you didn’t ask for), so why shouldn’t you?


This pressure is called sexual harassment and is also a form of sextortion and sextortion scams. You can also perform a reverse search image on any pictures they send to verify that it is not a stock photo or a photo of another person.


Best practices when online dating


Here are some tried-and-true tips for online dating safety.


Don’t share too much information at first


If someone’s nagging you for extremely personal information during the early days, stop there. This can be interpreted as endearing, but it can also indicate that they are trying to gather intelligence on you.


On the Sister Wives platform, we discourage members from sharing outside profile links partly for safety reasons such as this. This is a list of things you should keep private until you get to know this person better.


● Company address/company name/ your position within the company

● Home address/neighborhood

● Family information, e.g. your parents’ names, your children’s names


Don’t move to SMS text immediately


If you meet someone on a dating site or app, stay on the platform. Don’t rush to exchange numbers until you’ve vetted them through video call or met them in person. When they have your phone number, they might be able to extract other information about you online like your address or full name.


Staying on the platform also leaves a paper trail in case of suspicious behavior. Always report harassment or other questionable behavior so that person can be suspended or banned from the app/service.


What is Sister Wives doing to protect its users?


Sister Wives is actively stopping romance scammers on its platforms. Romance scams are at an all-time high, and we want to make sure your dating experience is not sullied by these criminals.


That’s why we monitor for fake profiles and we flag and block IP addresses and entire IP ranges.


What to do if you are involved in a romance scam


If you fall victim to a romance scammer, don’t feel guilty or foolish. These con artists take advantage of people who are looking for real connections with genuine human beings.


Report them to the Federal Trade Commission


If there is a substantial amount of money involved — and even if there isn’t — you can contact the right authorities. You can file a report online here.


If you are on Sister Wives or another dating service, report the profile


You can block other members on Sister Wives and most dating services or aps. If you suspect that someone is a scammer on our platforms, you can send us an email here on sisterwives.com.


Freeze your accounts, change your cards, contact the right companies


If you gave them access to your bank account or another card, contact the company and let them know you want to change your account information. Change your security passwords.


If you paid someone through a gift card, tell the company what happened, and they may be able to refund you. If not, you can file a claim to the FTC.


For more information on dating safety, take a look at our article on how to spot red flags when dating.






Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Practicing basic dating safety conduct can save your life. In October 2021, personality Geoffrey Paschel from the fourth season of 90 Day Fiancé: Before the 90 Days was convicted of kidnapping and assaulting his ex-fiancée Kristen Wilson in 2019.


He appeared on the show in 2020 with another woman, his current fiancée Varya Malina. The victim, Wilson, sustained a concussion, bruises, and cuts during the attack. Paschel has a history of drug charges, and this past helped cement his ruling in February 202 — 18 years without parole.


This is a very public case of dating violence, and not every case meets a just closure. Moreover, dating violence doesn’t just occur far into a relationship — it can happen on a first date.


Be on the lookout for tell-tale signs of a toxic or violent person. Educate yourself on what the red flags are for dating violence. Implement distress call protocols to save yourself in case you need to escape a date. These are just a few things that can help keep you out of harm’s way when dating.


How to stay safe on a first date


So you’ve chatted with someone for a couple of weeks. Now it’s time to meet them in person.


Meet somewhere other than your home


When choosing a place to rendezvous, always meet somewhere other than your place. Better yet, meet in a different neighborhood or city. This way, if you sense weird energy from your date, they can’t appear uninvited at your front door even if you’ve told them you are not interested.


It’s also a practical idea to always have your ride figured out before a date. You don’t want to be stuck with them if the date goes bad. You definitely don’t want to rely on them to get you home if they are acting strange, either.


Always let someone know where you are and who you are with


There’s a few systems you can use to make sure someone knows your whereabouts and can get to you if the date becomes dangerous.


● Download apps that make you check in at a designated time like uSafeUs and SafeDate.

● You can let a friend know you are on a date; if you don’t respond by X time, tell them to call you or check your location.

● Have a code word or phrase ready with your designated safe contact in case you need to signal for help discreetly through a phone call or text.

● Share your location on your phone with family and friends. This feature is available on both Android (Google Maps) and Apple phones (Find My app).


Choose your first date meeting point


One way to gain more control of the date is by picking the bar, restaurant, Movie Theater, etc. It can be a place you know well, where you’re familiar with the staff. You might also know the entrances and exits by heart.


Be ready to leave and don’t worry about hurting someone’s feelings


If you feel uncomfortable, don’t be that person who stays because they don’t want to be rude. However, you can excuse yourself to use the restroom and leave or wait until they use the restroom if you want to avoid confrontation.


Ghosting is a common dating phenomenon, but this is not a case of ghosting. This is ensuring your personal safety.


Always be in control when drinking or taking substances


Being under the influence can be great if you’re around people who you trust 100%. However, not all of us can remain cordial.


Attentively coherent when under the influence of alcohol or drugs.


You know yourself best: Abstaining from substances that you know you can’t tolerate helps to ensure you can make a rational decision if needed. This can also prevent dating violence like sexual assault.


First date red flags


Besides establishing dating safety practices, you also need to be vigilant about your date. It is unfortunate that some aspects of dating feel so dangerous, but it is the reality of modern dating.


They want to leave the venue and go back to their place immediately


If your date keeps trying to goad you to their place before your entrée has even been served, leave.


They don’t respect your personal space


Your update may be overly affectionate by putting their arm around you, touching you inappropriately, or going in for an unwanted kiss. Stand firm and protect your boundaries — anyone who tries to invade your personal space and disregard your consent is not worth your time.


They are nagging you


This is a phenomenon mostly applicable to men. It happens when a man is constantly giving you backhanded compliments that are giving you mixed signals. In reality, they are trying to erode your self-esteem to not only make themselves feel superior, but to make you want to seek validation from them.


Here are some examples someone might say on a date:


● Nice dress! With your physique, it shouldn’t look flattering, but it somehow looks good.

● You graduated in Civil Engineering? I’m impressed. You must have had really good tutors helping you!

● You run five miles a day? Well, I’ve been running marathons for years now, it’s pretty easy.


Nagging comes in the form of backhanded compliments, unnecessary comparisons, trump stories, and fake advice or constructive criticism.


They insist on meeting at a specific spot with no compromise


This person has no regard for your feelings or safety. They might even be planning something nefarious if they insist on meeting at a certain place you are uncomfortable traveling to.


They keep getting caught in lies


If their stories are suddenly not matching with what they’ve previously told you, they may not be who they say they are. You can confront them about it if you feel comfortable, but if you sense that they are impulsive or dangerous, try to carefully remove yourself from the situation.


They’re excessively trash-talking their ex, colleagues, family, etc.


This is a sign that they are emotionally abusive. Equally worse, it’s a sign that they can’t form healthy relationships with anybody in their lives. You don’t want to get caught up in this toxic person’s web.


They are love bombing you


This is a huge red flag to watch out for. If your date brought flowers, jewelry, and chocolates to the first date, something is up. They might also constantly bombard you with lovey dovey text messages that don’t reflect your relationship at all.


In fact, you may have only spoken through a video call once before meeting in person. This is a common tactic for abusive partners. It’s a way of luring in victims and a way to “apologize” for their behavior when it inevitably turns ugly.


They are challenging everything you’re saying


Someone who can’t have a conversation without blowing up when you disagree on a subject is usually someone with anger management issues. Whether it’s conflicting views on something small like what dish to order or something more personal like political views, civil, calm discussion should be the norm, not loud altercations.


New relationship red flags


At the start of a new relationship, it can be easy to excuse (or completely miss) toxic behavior. The alarm bells in your head may be drowned out by feelings of new relationship energy, or that honeymoon phase. Nevertheless, if you know what to look for, it can be easier to think clearly.


They don’t value your time, opinions, and boundaries


Some abusers start with small, barely noticeable violations like guilting you into doing things you don’t want to do just so your partner doesn’t become upset. This can turn into something more serious in time.


They threaten you


If someone uses fear to control you, you are experiencing dating violence and abuse. They might yell at you or use physical force to get their way, which are both unacceptable.


They make all your decisions for you


During the early stages of dating, your partner may assert control over little things. For instance, they might order your food for you or make plants that include you without checking in with you first.


Eventually, these little things graduate into bigger decisions. Either way, your partner might make you feel guilty if you question these decisions.


They refuse to use/let you use of birth control


If you are a male with a female partner and they claim they are using a contraceptive but then later reveal they are not, it’s time to break up. Conversely, if you are female and your partner is male, they should support whatever contraceptive you choose.


If they insist on ditching a condom using the excuse that sex feels different with it on, then they can find someone else. These are instances of reproductive coercion and are considered intimate partner violence.


They isolate you from family and friends


When a person doesn’t let you see your circle, they are trying to control you. This is a sign of dating violence which can be disguised as a loving partner who wants to spend all their time with you.


More often than not, though, this controlling behavior is violent and victims are often physically forced to stay with their partner.


They pressure you to do things you don’t want to


Drugs, alcohol, sexual favors — if your new significant other is forcing you into something, it’s a sign of an abusive relationship. Perpetrators like Geoffrey Paschel use manipulation, intimidation, and physical force to get what they want.


If you notice this behavior early on, follow your instinct and cut ties with your new partner.


Besides dating safety, there are many ways to keep yourself safe when online dating. Unfortunately, dating services and apps are almost always dealing with dating scammers. Learn about the red flags in online poly dating, specifically, which is ripe with financial scammers and fake profiles.








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


As the new COVID-19 variant sweeps through our communities, it’s important to celebrate Valentine’s day 2022 with precautions in mind. There are lots of different ways to enjoy quality time with loved ones this year without taking on extra risks. Some ideas are staying in and enjoying a movie together or enjoying a picnic in a spacious, outdoor area.


Before you get carried away by big romantic gestures, let’s remember that sometimes less is more. Here’s our guide on how to have a safe holiday while still showing your affection your way.


Avoid large gatherings


We know, the pandemic has robbed us all of countless big days — wedding ceremonies, holiday parties, birthday bashes. You might be tempted to throw your hands in the air and host a large dinner for partners and friends this Valentine’s day 2022.


Try this instead: Have a virtual date or play online games together. It could be you and your partner(s), you and your friends, or you and your family. The best part about virtual dates? No need to leave the house at all!


Plan for an intimate meal or other activity at home


You may have a tradition of going to a nice dinner every Valentine’s day with your spouse or partners. Getting dressed up and designating special alone time helps fill up our love meters, but it’s not exactly COVID-friendly.

Try this instead: Grab some groceries (or order them if possible) and cook dinner together. It’ll take more work than just ordering off of the menu, but it may lead to some new traditions.


Rethink travel by plane


For three years, we’ve lived in uncertainty. It’s exhausting for sure, living in an ambiguous world with infinite maybes. But what is certain is that airplane travel is risky, especially to and from areas with high COVID cases.


Try this instead: Have a staycation. If staying and working from home has you suffering from cabin fever, why not rent out an actual cabin nearby? Or, rent out an Airbnb in your city and spend a night or two in new surroundings.


Good news is most places offer a contactless check-in, so you don’t have to interact with a worker like you would, say, at a hotel. You can order in or take advantage of a kitchen if you’re renting out an apartment or home.


Anticipate jealousy and failed plans


Pandemic or not, Valentine’s day can bring up some overwhelming feelings. One partner might feel jealous of another’s Valentine’s day gift. A secondary partner might feel left out if you and your nesting partner decide to have a special dinner—alone. 


If travel restrictions are in place, and your plans are suddenly thrown out the window, expect disappointment all-around. There’s not much we can do with a pandemic limiting our poly dating opportunities, so it’s always good to have something to fall back on.


Try this instead: Polygamy dating requires us to manage expectations around holidays like these. If you are making plans individually with your partners, iron out the details well before Valentine’s day 2022—and account for any potential cancellations.


 It can be hard to dispel the need to go all out lest you risk looking like you don’t care about your relationships. Emotionally healthy and rational adults shouldn’t put too much pressure on themselves for a single day. But love makes us act in ways we never thought we would, for better or for worse.


Have a back-up plan


If you were counting on a dinner reservation to make your Valentine’s day, you might want to rethink your strategy. If anything else, COVID-19 has taught us to adapt and always prepare for the unexpected.


Try this instead: Sign up for something online that’s unlikely to be cancelled, like an online class or a live music show. Play your favorite board games or video games together. If you’re not much of a gamer, have a movie night complete with movie theater fare like buttered popcorn, candy, and sweet drinks.


Don’t forget about your platonic relationships


Valentine’s day is known for declarations of romantic love, but modern Valentine’s day celebrations should include platonic loves, too. The past three years have shown us not to take time for granted, so Valentine’s day 2022 is an opportunity to show friends and family that they are loved.


Try this instead: Send your best gals and pals bouquets, chocolates, or their favorite snacks. Text them meaningful messages listing the qualities you love about them and memories with them you cherish most.


The best gifts aren’t just material things, either. Poly dating on a budget is possible, and maybe the best memories this Valentine’s day 2022 will be spent at home and not on an extravagant gift.








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


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