Chris's article

Mother’s Day is a tricky holiday to celebrate indeed. More than likely, there are multiple women in your life you want to honor on this special day--two mother figures (your own mother and your partner’s mother) plus any sister wife in the family. Additionally, if you have daughters who are old enough to be mothers themselves, they need to be included in the equation, too. So how does it work in a poly relationship? When is it acceptable to introduce a potential sister wife to your children and celebrate holidays together? Who do you invite to the festivities? Let’s take a look at common questions regarding Mother’s Day in poly households.


How to spend Mother’s Day with sister wives

If you’re a man in a plural marriage, you might need to strategize. When in doubt, a big celebration with everyone included removes the risk of a sister wife feeling neglected. If time and resources permit, this holiday is also the perfect opportunity for quality one-on-one time with each sister wife. This precious day can help you establish some annual traditions like going out for dinner at a specific restaurant or visiting a place that means a lot to your relationship.


If you’re a sister wife and want to show how much you appreciate the other mamas in your relationship, even just a card, a bouquet of flowers, and a heartfelt speech can strengthen any bond. Likewise, a small act of love like preparing the day’s breakfast or offering to take their child (or children) for a few hours to free up time in their schedule can mean the world.


For established poly marriages with sister wives who have multiple children that have grown up together, this might not be a problem at all. You might already have a system in place where the host family rotates each year. Of course, not all poly relationships include children, and consequently, motherhood. Perhaps your dilemma is figuring out whose mother-in-law’s house you’ll visit for the day. In any case, clear communication and reasonable dialogue about expectations surrounding this holiday should not be avoided.


What’s the best gift for a sister wife with kids

We’ve all been there. We’ve struggled to pick out the right gift for a birthday or special occasion, and eventually settled for something generic. While generic works well for casual relationships like with coworkers or neighbors, it might spell disaster as a Mother’s Day offering.


Keep in mind that while being a mother can be a big part of a sister wife’s identity, that’s not their whole identity. Mothers in monogamous relationships also have other interests outside of caretaking, whether it’s a photography hobby, an annual international trip, or a reading club. Paying attention to a sister wife’s interests outside of family (whether you’re a partner or a fellow sister wife) and acknowledging it on big days like this only fosters a more loving relationship. My advice is to take note of their current likes and dislikes even before Mother’s Day, and pick out something with thought instead of opting for a gift they might end up returning to the store. While gift cards usually scream, “I didn’t know what to get you, so here’s $100 in credit,” it might actually work in your favor if the gift card is to a store or place a sister wife frequents.


When do we introduce someone to children at home?

Poly dating or not, this question baffles the best of us. Most love seekers follow the general rule of thumb of waiting three to six months before introducing someone to the family. This number might change depending on your children’s ages and therefore whether or not they have an understanding of your family dynamics. Moreover, you might introduce someone you (or you and your partner) are dating to friends before introducing them to your family. Why? Typically, meeting friends is less complicated and less stressful.


In terms of when to invite dating partners to big events at home, it depends. If your children have a close relationship with a sister wife (or unofficial sister wife) and see her as a mother figure, including her in Mother’s Day celebrations is natural. However, feelings are never clear cut, and your first wife (or the childrens’ mother) might not agree with sharing the title of Mom. Again, the key here is communication about expectations, but this time, you can extend the conversation to boundaries and family roles.


Other holidays with sister wives and poly families

The bottom line with poly families and holidays is that figuring out logistics might always be more effort than a nuclear family’s simple plans. This is especially true if sister wives and their children live in different households, or if the children have their own families, too.


The key to determining the best gift, venue, food, and entertainment is a matter of trial and error. You might not be able to control everything in life, but you can count on family members who would do anything to ensure your well-being, holiday or not. Together, you’ll figure out a system that works for everyone.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Dimitri Snowden, of TLC's Seeking Sister Wife, has filed for divorce from wife Christeline Peterson. Although filing didn’t occur until this month (May 2021), their date of separation is listed as January 21 of this year, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for the divorce.

Dimitri also requested that the court not grant Christeline spousal support, noting that there are no assets or debts to be divided. He also stated in the document that she "has abandoned the marriage" and that he "does not know her whereabouts."


Seeking Sister Wife fans know the Snowdens have spent the last 10 years or so searching for a third wife to add to their family. We’ve seen their journey over the course of 3 seasons now: The season 1 courting which ended with Dimitri getting intimate too soon in the relationship, the season 2 courting and marriage to Vanessa Cobbs (and subsequent break up via text), and the season 3 courting of both Christeline and Tayler Monique.


 After a few months of long-distance dating and a successful first visit, the South African native Christeline and her two children moved to California to be with the Snowdens (and Tayler) shortly before the COVID-19 travel ban. Not long after Tayler’s exit from the show, Christeline and Dimitri were legally wed in July of last year. The storyline is still unfolding on our TVs as season 3 episodes air.


Abuse Allegations

The divorce filing comes after allegations of abuse against both Dimitri and Ashley, for which Christeline attempted to get a restraining order against them both. She claims that Dimitri was physically and verbally abusive, including when the two were sexually intimate. The allegations towards Ashley were that she was aggressive and verbally abusive as well. According to documents Christeline filed to get the restraining order back in January, she claimed Dimitri woke her up by "slamming [her] head into the headboard of the bed and he was yelling at [her]." She said she filed a police report as well and was issued a temporary restraining order. However, she was unable to secure one against Ashley due to a lack of information provided to the court. In April, the temporary restraining order and case were dissolved when Dimitri appeared in court.


Additionally, a woman who was involved with the Snowden’s before Seeking Sister Wife began named Ariadne Joseph has made allegations similar to Christeline’s. After news broke about the allegations against the Snowden’s, we saw Tayler send love to Christeline via Instagram (notably, before it was revealed on the show that Tayler had left the Snowdens) while Vanessa from season 2 shared support for domestic abuse victims. It should be noted that all of the women beside Ariadne - who created a GoFundMe to support Christeline and her two children during this time - apparently signed NDAs. 


Ashley’s Miscarriage

On Mother’s Day, Ashley shared via Instagram that she had suffered a miscarriage. This news broke a few days before Dimitri officially filed for divorce from Christeline. In her post, Ashley wrote:


“To the Mothers, all the mothers, and especially the mothers who have known great loss. To those who wanted to be mothers, but never got the chance due to physical issues or forlorn relating. To the mothers who miscarried or experienced stillbirth. To the mothers who have experienced the death of their once living children. To the mothers who were “done mothering” only to be tasked with mothering another’s children. To the mothers who’s children were taken in custody battles. To the mothers of kidnapped children. To the mothers of children they gave up in adoption. To the mothers who may have incarcerated children. To the mother’s incarcerated. To the mothers who have children who don’t want to have a relationship with them. To the mothers who can’t bring themselves to face their children. To all the mothers and and their children lost during the pandemic. TO ALL THE MOTHERS.

.

Motherhood is a beautiful initiation. But it can be one of the most painful to endure. This Mother’s Day, I honor every aspect of motherhood. I’ve known great loss in my life, but losing a child under any circumstance certainly impacts the subtle body on multiple levels. I’ve recently had to sit in the pain of miscarriage, so I offer this message today: Be kind always, and especially, because you never know a mother’s story. Be slow to judge and quick to love, because many mothers are carrying not only their own pain, but the pain of every mother down their lineage. Until we can heal that pain, until that pain can be transmuted, reflect back love to every potential mother’s path you may cross. Reflect love.

.

Happy Mother’s Day to ALL THE MOTHERS.”


There’s not much else reported on her miscarriage at this time, but we send love and healing to her and anyone else who has experienced this loss.


Our Thoughts

We are deeply troubled and saddened regarding the abuse allegations against the Snowdens. While we may not know for sure what happened, and may never know, it’s always important to us to discuss and denounce allegations of abuse in the Polygamist community. We hope to gain more insight one way or the other from the Snowdens or from Seeking Sister Wife. We know that a petition to have the Snowden’s removed from the show was created, but it only has 100 signatures as of May 23.


We know how much watching the real journeys of poly families who are searching for a Sister Wife helps people like us and our members as we are on a similar path, but it’s important to remember these are real people. When situations like this arise, it can be tempting to speculate on what really happened, but we have to remember how serious of a situation it is and the real lives impacted by it. Additionally, we should also remember to never idolize people just because we enjoy watching them on TV. This also serves as a reminder of how crucial it is to take the time to choose the right poly partners for you. There’s never any reason to rush into anything, and you want to be sure everyone involved has enough time to healthily adjust to the process of finding and adding a Sister Wife to your family. You also want to be sure you really know who is joining your family, and they should be sure they really know you. 


Seeking Sister Wives airs Mondays at 9 p.m. ET on TLC.


At Sister Wives, our poly matchmaking service is committed to finding love for each and every one of our members. Be sure to check out our services and resources that serve as a guide to help you discover the best polygamy dating app for you.








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Poly dating apps (and dating apps in general) have changed the matchmaking game. In terms of convenience, better matches, and inclusivity, poly dating has definitely benefited from modern ingenuity. Even so, all the apps out there yield a different user experience depending on what a person is looking for in the dating world. 


Most poly apps are available on iOS and Android devices. Alternatively, many apps can be operated on a web browser, which is great if you’re using a laptop or desktop computer. I’ll walk you through some of the most popular poly apps available to help you determine the best one for you.


Sister Wives



















Other noteworthy features: The app is designed for members 17 and up, making it a little more accessible to young adults. Unlike other dating apps, Sister Wives focuses on poly relationships, helping you filter out incompatible matches right from the start. Moreover, our experts weed out fake profiles, ensuring you don’t encounter any scammers or suspicious individuals in our database. In other words, the Sister Wives app does much of the work for you so you have a better chance of meeting the right person or people sooner.


Feeld









  

Other noteworthy features: If you’re searching for love as a couple or a poly family, Feeld allows you to connect your profile with another person. This means you and your partner can chat with another person at the same time so you don’t have to log in and out of the same account multiple times a day on different devices. Additionally, Feeld’s Majestic membership offers features like sharing exclusive photos in your circle and getting notifications about who tagged you in the app. Feeld welcomes people of all genders and sexual identities--making each user feel safe while on the app.



OkCupid





 

Other noteworthy features: When signing up on either the website or app version of OkCupid, it’s straightforward. The matchmaking service gives you the option between non-monogamous, monogamous, or either relationship type right away. You can also specify between long-term relationships, short-term relationships, friends-only connections, or one-time meets. Their gender preferences are inclusive and create an accepting community for both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships.


Ashley Madison


 

Other noteworthy features: Ashley Madison’s been mired in controversies over the years, though the service has revamped its image as an empowering app. With more than 65 million global users, the appeal is straightforward: you are very likely to match with someone in your area. If short-term flings or hookups are something you’re after, Ashley Madison might be best. This poly dating app offers a premium membership that gives you access to unlimited messaging--a plus no matter what type of poly relationship you’re after. Keep in mind though that the users here typically aren’t seeking long-term, committed poly connections, so take this app with a grain of salt.


#OPEN


 

Other noteworthy features: This poly dating app doesn’t limit your matches and searches to a specified mile radius. Instead, you can connect and chat with any user (or any couple) from anywhere. It emphasizes ethical non-monogamy, though it allows you to search for almost any tag including relationship anarchy to a specific kink. If you don’t identify with any of the existing tags, the app allows you to create your own tag to help you refine your search and match with people who want the same thing. With over 50,000 Android phone members already on top of iPhone folks, matching with others seems easy. Like the Feeld app, you can chat as a single or a couple.


Other factors to consider when trying polygamy dating apps


Additional charges: While most apps are free to download and use, there may be an additional price for select features. In app-purchases include monthly or yearly subscriptions, more extensive privacy settings, advanced communication tools, and even unrestricted messaging. Note that in-app purchases range anywhere from $1.99 up to $70.00 in some cases, with auto-renewal charges a common practice.


Operating systems: Like other smartphone apps, poly dating apps roll out upgrades frequently to better serve their users. This might mean you have to update your operating system as well, whether you’re an Android or Apple owner.


Language availability: Some apps provide language support in over 20 languages, while others provide support in English or another majority language only. This factor might be an important one to consider depending on your location and native tongue.


The founders: Some apps are transparent with their founders and their histories. For many others like myself, this provides not just an element of relatability, but a confidence in people who have access to their personal information.


What’s the bottom line? No app may be perfect in every way, but it’s worth trying out multiple ones to see what features you do and don’t enjoy. You might find that profile sharing for couples is a more important feature to you than unlimited messaging, for instance. If you have experience with any of the apps above besides Sister Wives, let us know in the comments below. We’d love to hear your input.








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


A few weeks ago, we posted an article on Millennials and Poly Dating Sites. Millennials have always been considered the most open-minded generation. That is, until their younger siblings came of age. 


Generation Z covers the years 1997-2012, making them between 9-24 years old. Even though over half of Gen Z are under 18 years old, we still have plenty of research on their opinions and behaviors. 


Does Gen Z Use Dating Apps?

According to a 2018 Global News study, 73.2% of Gen Z use dating apps. While many millennials grew up alongside technology, Gen Z either can’t remember a time before social media existed, or weren’t alive yet. This has normalized online dating and dating apps, whereas previous generations may have felt awkward or uncomfortable doing so.


In 2020, Tinder surveyed 3,453 Gen Z users. Of that number, one fifth said they would explore polyamory. It also found that 71% feel that online platforms have allowed them to connect with others, and three quarters said dating apps help them to get to know themselves better.


In our opinion, these numbers will only continue to grow as Gen Z ages. This is partially because some people with less open-minded, Baby Boomer parents may not feel comfortable exploring new options until they’re not living at home. 


However, a huge contributing factor is how technology and popular culture have made information on polygamy and polyamory more accessible than ever. Let’s take a look at how poly dating is portrayed in the media and on social media.


How Gen Z Learns About Poly Dating

Like their older millennial siblings, Gen Z-ers were probably first exposed to poly lifestyles through television. Before the Sister Wives TV show, there were shows like MTV’s True Life, which featured an episode on polyamory in 2009. 


Today, they can further their observations by following social media influencers who are poly. There’s a wide variety of polyamorous, polygamous, and otherwise non-monogamous bloggers, YouTubers, Instagrammers, and TikTokkers. Some influencers and celebrities have even gone through the process of exploring, then coming out as poly or non-monogamous while sharing their journey with their audience in real-time.


What this has done is further normalize the poly lifestyle as a whole. We can see this by observing an app like TikTok, where Gen Z (it’s biggest audience) can stumble upon a poly person’s videos without specifically searching for poly related videos. Sometimes, the video isn’t even about polyamory or anything, but the creator happens to live a poly lifestyle openly and frequently posts videos answering their audience’s questions. 


While reality shows like Sister Wives have given our community exposure, there’s an added layer of relatability when it comes to influencers versus reality TV stars. This may be a result of some reality TV shows seeming produced, or just the fact that they’re on TV makes them less “real” in our minds sometimes. 


Additionally, a poly influencer’s content usually isn’t defined solely by their lifestyle. Obviously, we know that being poly isn’t the sole defining factor about ourselves, but this is something often overlooked by other people. Many people hear poly - especially polygamy - and expect you to look and act a certain way, or at least for your whole personality to be based on this one aspect about yourself.


So by learning about poly lifestyles through someone they trust, but whose content focuses on other things, it shows Gen Z-ers that being poly is, well, pretty normal. By not making their poly lifestyle the main focus of their content, they show their young viewers that it’s not something that’s always going to be a spectacle to everyone. 


However, there are some people who post content that does focus heavily on their poly lifestyle, which has its own benefits. These are the influencers who people that think they might be poly go to get some more information or just observe their dynamic. 


Gen Z has a unique opportunity to learn about poly people and families from a variety of different perspectives. And, they can do so comfortably and at their own pace without having to actually interact with the people they’re observing.


Will More of Gen Z be Poly Than Previous Generations?

With all of the above being said, it’s important to note that increased exposure and normalization of poly dating doesn’t equate to more people being poly when they’re older. While we have seen an uptick in consensual non-monogamy in Millennials and older Gen Z-ers, a lot of people also choose to not label themselves, which is perfectly fine. 


The reason we’re writing this article isn’t to hypothesize that there will be more polyamorous or polygamous relationships in the future. Instead, we simply think it shows that more people will be open to the idea of it for themselves as well as for others. 


What we think (and hope) the information here shows is a continued increase in not only acceptance, but support for the poly community. Knowing that Gen Z is open-minded like Millennials but more outspoken activists on causes they believe in, we can’t help but have faith that this generation will help bring progress to our community. 


How the Sister Wives Dating Website is a Resource

We hope this and all our articles are a resource to people of all ages and generations who are exploring polygamy. The key to understanding is through connection, something we are passionate about here. 


That’s why it’s free to access several resources on our website, including articles, our member blogs, user forums and more. Our members have shared our real experiences and perspectives in the hopes that someone else can learn from it. 


We encourage everyone interested in poly lifestyles to read up on these, even if they’re just intrigued by the topic, and look forward to seeing what progress Generation Z brings to the poly community in the future!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


In the poly dating world, sometimes it feels like just setting up a legitimate date is half the battle. Casual dating is great if that’s what you’re looking for, but as a polygamist, you’re probably only looking for something serious. Here are some signs of what to look for when figuring out if your newest partner is serious about polygamy - and about you.


Looking for your perfect match? Download the official Sister Wives polygamy dating app FREE in the Google Play Store or launch our PWA App for Apple and other mobile devices!


Their Actions Match Their Words

When you’ve found someone who is serious about polygamy, the most obvious sign is that their actions align with their words. If you set a date with them, you know you can rely on them to show up. Too often, we find ourselves accepting partners who don’t value our time and effort. Setting a date with someone who isn’t serious about you usually feels like a tentative plan, even if neither of you has expressed this. 


Sure, sometimes things come up. Some people do have crazy jobs and/or schedules. However, this doesn’t excuse them if they constantly reschedule or forgetting dates. It also doesn’t excuse them if they continuously don’t call or text when they say they will. The fact is, if someone is serious about joining your poly family, they’ll make time. 


This goes both ways. If a partner acts loving and seems very interested in you while on your date, but says they don’t know when (or if) they’ll be ready to commit, listen to them. If they’re meant to join your family, they’ll find their way back to you when they’re ready. This can be hard to do, but you can’t force something to work that’s just not meant to be. Any time spent trying to do so is just time taken away from finding the right poly partner. 


They Make You Part of Their Life

Someone who is serious about you shows this by introducing you to their lives. They’ll want to take you to their favorite places and to meet their favorite people. It’s important to ask about your partner’s friends and family toward the beginning of your courtship. If they say they aren’t ready to talk about it, that’s totally fine. Not everyone has a good relationship with their families and/or a steady group of friends. 


Maybe they have children from a previous relationship. Maybe they just need a little more time before they feel certain enough about your relationship to meet your spouse(s) and/or other partner(s). Some things take time, which is totally understandable! The key thing to look for here is if they’re giving you insight into why and expressing intent to making this a goal to meet together. For example, “I would love for my kids to meet you, but it’s important to me to be super cautious when it comes to who is in their lives. Let me think about a timeline for you to meet them that I’d be comfortable with.”


However, at a certain point in your relationship, your partner should begin to grow more and more comfortable telling you things about themselves. It’s always important to respect people’s boundaries, but someone who isn’t ready to be open with you may not be ready for the kind of commitment a polygamist marriage takes. The point is, in a serious relationship, you have to show you’re ready to work toward merging your lives together. 


They Talk About Your Future 

Think about going on a first date. How do you know if it went well? If you make plans to see each other again. Keyword: Plans. The more serious you get about one another, the further out your plans for the future should go. These don’t have to be huge, life-changing plans. Just things that move your relationship forward. 


They’ll want to know what your plans are, too. They show this by asking questions about your long-term goals like: Are you planning to have any (more) children? Do you see yourself living in this area for a long time? These are questions that most people would feel comfortable asking in the first few conversations with you if they’re looking for someone to settle down with.


Someone who is ready to commit to a long-term poly relationship or marriage with you will show this by taking the right steps forward. They might need guidance on what those steps should be, but they should show that they want to work on moving forward together. When each partner in the relationship is committed to it long-term and knows how to communicate, setting milestones should come naturally. If planning your future feels one-sided on your end, or finding out what they want from your relationship next feels like pulling teeth, then they probably are not ready to get serious.


They Move at a Healthy Pace

Every relationship timeline looks different, but a serious partner won’t drag out each phase. They also won’t rush into anything. If they aren’t sure about becoming poly, that is their decision to make. It’s definitely something that might require a bit of thought. It’s important that you know and express that to them. Otherwise, they may freeze and struggle to make a decision, or jump into something their heart isn’t really in.


A healthy pace includes lots and lots of communication for everyone involved. Eventually, your other partners will need to weigh in on what steps work for your family. Integrating a new partner into the mix can be both a loving and stressful time. Make sure you, your new partner, and current partner(s) are all on the same page!


When you sign up with a Sister Wives, you’ll find much more than a poly match: You join our community too! We offer our members access to several helpful resources as they embark on their dating journey including articles, community forums to ask for advice in, and individual blogs to read about other people’s journeys. 


Ready to meet your perfect match? They could be waiting for you here now, so sign up today!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


I’ve written my fair share of poly dating guides. I’ve expressed my thoughts on how to become a sister wife, how to bring up polyamory to your partner, and even how to navigate the sexual spectrum of poly relationships. Here, I’m focusing on how to find a second wife--or a third, and fourth without putting any pressure on your current relationship. Your first instinct might be to browse the usual poly dating apps--Feeld, OkCupid, Sister Wives, etc.--but there are other steps you can take beforehand.


1. Don’t force it

In a monogamous relationship, not every person you meet is a life partner candidate. Moreover, good relationships feel natural and effortless. Of course, all great relationships need effort, but the start of one blossoms without it being forced. If it doesn’t feel right, you probably shouldn’t pursue a relationship further than platonic friendship.


Granted, meeting people naturally on dating sites sounds like an oxymoron, but even these digital encounters should have a genuine, organic feel. When you’re on dating sites long enough, you start to be able to filter out who wants a real connection and who’s up for a short-term fling. There’s no problem with either, which brings us to our next step.


2. Set boundaries, but don’t limit yourself

When dating online or preparing yourself for the dating world in general, don’t be so consumed by a “Dream Wife'' checklist that you’re rejecting people left and right. You might (or probably already have) discuss what type of person you want your second wife to be with your current spouse. You might even discuss personality, life goals, sexual orientation, poly attitudes, etc. While it’s great to have a general sense of what type of people you want to surround yourself with, a strict list of requirements might set you back.


You miss out on great people who might not fit your description of an ideal second wife on paper. After all, the attributes on a dating site profile or app can only tell you so much about a person. The only way to know for sure if they’re the right fit is to give them a chance. You might be surprised at how much your ideal second, third, or fourth wife might actually be a completely different person than what you imagined.


3. Let your heart lead, but be realistic

New relationship energy (NRE) is a thing. You might even feel it strongly in the early dating stage. In fact, another word for it is the honeymoon phase where the people in the newfound connection feel giddy (euphoric, really) to the point where everything feels right and magical. At its worst, new relationship energy can lead you (the man) to always be seeking out new potential partners and getting lost in the dating stages, leaving your first wife on the back burner as you expend all your energy in searching out and wooing new potential wives.


So my humble piece of advice would be to check yourself whenever you find that the NRE is turning into an urge and not necessarily a genuine romantic feeling. While you may be a sociable person who just tends to hit it off with many people, be wary of how much energy you expend in your dating ventures.


4. Be safe, and trust your gut

Let’s talk safety. Safe sex is a common topic in poly circles, and rightly so. Depending on you and your polycule’s sexual orientations, safe sex and open communication about it helps build trust between everyone. It also ensures everyone’s personal health and safety, no matter how many people are involved in the relationship.


Another part of safety is safety in meeting people offline. In your search for finding a second wife, you might be eager to meet quickly and without thought. The sad truth is, there will always be people who don’t care about others’ safety and actively want to harm others. A safe practice is meeting in public for the first time, providing you with a harmless exit strategy should you want to leave the rendezvous. 


In more extenuating circumstances like, say, a global pandemic, meeting responsibly is also a matter of public duty. When in doubt, video calls are always a great way to break the ice before meeting in person. This way, you can gauge a person’s intentions and personality without taking on too much risk.


5. Try different dating sites

You might be a staunch Sister Wives user or a diehard Feeld customer, but exploring different  platforms is worth it when trying to find a second wife. Similar to how you wouldn’t frequent the same bar every weekend in the hopes of meeting new people, you might dip your toes in other dating apps to broaden your horizons. If you feel frustrated or begin to feel like you’re forcing it (See Step 1), take a break from dating and return when you feel ready again. It isn’t fair to you or others when you’re dating with an affected mindset.


6. Let it happen naturally

This next suggestion is a slight reiteration of Step 1, but I feel the need to keep it as a separate step. Many poly relationships do start on dating sites like Sister Wives, but many others begin somewhere random. Maybe your coworker’s friend’s cousin just happened to attend a networking event and you were introduced by chance. Maybe you’ll take a different route home one day and decide to try a new restaurant where you’ll meet and find your future second wife. Yes, this sounds like a terrible cliché, but love really can be found in the most unexpected places. If you’ve got a particularly interesting meet cute with your wives or partners, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.








Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


A lot has changed as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic. While most things were slowing down, dating apps saw a spike in traffic. Though obviously dating apps are not a new concept, they suddenly became the only option for many people’s love lives. 


In this blog post, we’ll tell you what to expect when poly dating post-COVID. We’ll also dive into what a healthy balance of online and “real world” dating looks like as you set out to build your polygamist or polyamorous family. 


Bumble and Tinder aren’t the only dating apps: Download the official Sister Wives polygamy dating app FREE in the Google Play Store or use our Progressive Web App for Apple and all other mobile devices!


Pros of Online Poly Dating

When you’re a polygamist, it’s more difficult to meet someone organically in public than it would be for someone who is monogamous. That’s why many poly people have turned to online dating. Dating apps like Tinder and Bumble have broken the mainstream in the last few years and have been successful for many.


We’re sure some poly people have found a couple dates there too, as long as they clarified what they were looking for beforehand. That’s the beauty of dating apps and websites: You can communicate with each other without exchanging contact information first. This is a great way to feel each other’s personalities (and standards for a partner) out before meeting in person. 


At Sister Wives, we actually have a polygamy matchmaking system in place to make it easier for our members. This system analyzes every user’s profile information and matches people based on that info. It helps you enter the dating pool starting with more compatible users, and also notifies you whenever a potential match has signed up.


Along with most other dating apps nowadays, we also offer video chatting. Since March 2020, video dates have become a much more used option than they were before. Of course there hasn’t been many other choices, but many believe video chatting is here to stay.


Why? Because video chats offer a natural next step in between talking online and meeting in person. Sure, you can message people all day long and feel you’re hitting it off. But without speaking face-to-face (digitally) you simply cannot know how well you will mesh. 


With a texting conversation, you can take as long as you need to think of a good response before actually hitting send on your reply. If you’re nervous around new people or don’t do well with awkward silences, video dating is a great way to test the waters without actually getting stuck at a restaurant or somewhere you can’t easily excuse yourself from. That’s not to say you should never date in the real world again (we’ll tell you why you should in a minute!) but it does relieve a lot of pressure and make your first in-person meeting that much more comfortable. 


This is especially true when it comes to poly dating. The poly community faces its own unique set of potential complications. Just like we feel more comfortable talking over messages, so do phonies. Unlike monogamous people, we join dating sites because we are looking for something serious. Which makes it that much more disappointing if a date stands you up at a public location after you spent time getting ready and making your way there.


Cons of Online Dating

The most obvious con is not exclusive to polygamy dating, but is definitely very prevelant: Catfishing. Catfishing is known as when someone uses photos that don’t belong to them and pass them off as their own online. However, it often goes a lot deeper than that. 


Many catfishes intentionally hurt people for their own amusement. Or, they’re just fulfilling some social desire or using someone’s affections to profit financially. Catfishes aren’t just defined by the pictures they use. They’re defined by lying about their identity. 


When it comes to people who catfish in the poly world, there are people who could fit the bill as a typical catfish. However, something that’s more common to happen on polygamist dating websites: People are curious. They see the television show with the same name as our Sister Wives website and decide to sign up. 


This would be great if the person was both curious AND open to the idea of finding poly love online. Unfortunately, they usually aren’t. The good news is that Sister Wives (and we hope all dating apps) are heavily monitored for fakes. 


If you come across someone who is disingenuous, report them immediately. Be sure to read our previous article on spotting the red flags in online poly dating to learn how to recognize the signs.


Another con is the obvious missing connection. Sure, video chatting can answer a lot of questions about how you’ll click with someone but at a certain point, you want to spend time with them in person. As amazing as the level technology has progressed to is, nothing will ever beat hitting it off in person!


How to Merge The Two Worlds

Online dating may not be a permanent polygamy dating solution, but it sure does give you options. We strongly recommend video chatting before meeting anyone in person. Do this as early on as possible. That way, you’ll spend less time getting your hopes up if it doesn’t work out. Alternatively, you’ll be able to erase those doubts and be able to fully enjoy getting to know your potential partner now that you know they’re, well, themselves!


In short, always take advantage of the comforts and insight gained from dating online. It’s a great way to date at your own pace and avoid unnecessary anxiety so you can have the best poly dating experience possible!


A perk of joining a poly matchmaking site like Sister Wives is that you won’t just find a match, but a community as well. We offer our members access to several helpful resources as they embark on their dating journey including articles, community forums to ask for advice in, and individual blogs to read about other people’s journeys. 


Our goal has always been to help polygamists and polyamorous people find love and happiness. Your perfect match could be waiting for you here now, so sign up today!









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com



From craft coffee to artisanal sandwiches to monthly therapy, millennials are no strangers to self-care. But how is this self-aware generation faring in the dating world? Unfortunately, they fall victim to modern challenges too often--particularly ghosting, the hook-up culture, and saturated apps. So where do millennials stand on poly dating sites and poly life? Unsurprisingly, they’re more receptive to non-monogamous relationships, polyamory, and open relationships.


What poly dating sites do millennials use?

Even with the advent of social media, apps, and dating sites, it can be difficult to find the right poly match precisely because of these platforms. Millennials use Sister Wives, #open, and other mainstream sites or smartphone apps. However, very popular platforms tend to attract a more questionable crowd that often gives poly dating sites (and poly relationships overall) a bad rep. These sites comprise match.com and Tinder (just two out of many non-poly-friendly sites) where you’re likely to encounter feigned interest and people thirsty for a hook-up in the name of sexual exploration. 


To be fair, some poly individuals have probably found worthwhile relationships on these sites, but we don’t have the data for conclusive statements. Nevertheless, this means polyamory visibility and access to good poly dating sites are on the rise. According to a study by OkCupid (Tinder’s older sibling) in 2016, 42% of its users expressed that they would be interested in entering a relationship with someone already in a polyamorous arrangement. Though a little outdated by our standards, this figure is a noteworthy discovery.


Are millennials more likely to be in poly relationships than Baby boomers?

Research by the Institute for Family Studies suggests that Baby boomers are more approving of monogamous relationships as the status quo compared to younger generations (Hawkins & Smith, 2019). In the same vein, the Silent Generation (their parents), are less likely to have been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship or be interested in entering one. By contrast, millennials are more interested in consensual non-monogamy and are far more likely to have tried it in the past.


It’s safe to assume that millennials are then more likely to be in a poly relationship compared to their predecessors. Although some of our elders are credited with bringing poly love to the forefront via polycules in the 1960s and 1970s coupled with the invention of birth control methods, it seems that an even larger number still value the normal family unit of a straight, monogamous relationship epitomized by children.


Some argue that this warmer reception by millennials and higher poly instances in their group are due to the changes in marital expectations and timing. This claim might have some substance to it. After all, millennials are eschewing tradition by focusing more on careers, choosing marriage less and less, and straying from the nuclear family model. Furthermore, when millennials do get married, they tend to get married at a later age. 


This longer period between single life and married life (or a marriage equivalent) is where many say millennials get to explore and try new things, including consensual non-monogamy, but the study we provided above found that even with these factors in mind, millennials are still more likely to be in a poly relationship or at least consider it. We may never know exactly why this is so, but it’s still a compelling correlation we’ll keep an eye on throughout the years.


How is poly dating in millennials being undermined?

Besides limited representation in media and pop culture, poly dating is also vastly misunderstood in psychological circles. In fact, according to the study Polyamorous Millennials in Therapy: Interpreting Experiences to Inform Care by Rebecca Calhoun-Shepard, many psychologists aren’t trained to counsel or help treat poly millennials regarding self-identity issues, dating challenges, and other personal struggles. Therapists commonly play down poly clients’ issues and try to help clients solve their life’s dilemmas through a monogamous lens, thereby wasting time, money, and effort, while making the client feel shameful, helpless, and rightfully misunderstood (Calhoun-Shepard, 2019).


Of course, these unique obstacles don’t just stem from intentionally insensitive therapists, but also from a lack of research about poly clients in a psychological context. In Calhoun-Shepard’s breakthrough study, therapists describe their experience evolving from an uninformed provider to an empathetic one as a type of awakening, aptly nicknamed “getting it.” Instead of treating clients with a preconceived notion of poly relationships, they worked hard to reframe their way of thinking to best serve their patients.


This approach of being an educated ally is something we can scale up with a larger audience. Instead of relying on monogamous codes of conduct, we should open up the table to include alternative lifestyles, especially in professional settings. Sadly, people who do not understand or disagree with poly lifestyles might reflexively feel like they’re sacrificing their pride or values when they decide to change their views about poly dating.


What’s the future of poly dating sites and millennials?

Baby Boomers and Silent Generation constituents are quick to criticize millennial habits, but the truth is, millennials care, and they care deeply. Sure, they might splurge on a fancy sandwich with avocado, free range chicken, and fair trade vegetables, but this just means they recognize the costs of sustainable production and are willing to support it with their dollar. Yes, millennials are quick to cancel a celebrity or influencer, but this means they don’t stand for hate, bigotry, or other forms of animosity. 


And yes, millennials are more likely to use dating sites to meet potential partners, but at the same time, they’re also more accepting of different lifestyles in general. Whether millennial interest in poly dating is rising because they feel that poly life is a natural course of action after hundreds of years of traditional partnerships or if it’s because they’re more likely to seek meaningful connections, one thing is for sure: poly dating sites will continue to be a prominent feature in the dating realm.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com



You may have recently realized you’re polygamous or polyamorous, or are a poly person who recently met a new potential partner. However, while it’s important to live an authentic life, it’s unfair to assume your partner or spouse - or potential partner or spouse - is automatically okay with a non monogamous relationship. To help you all navigate, the Sister Wives team has compiled a few ways to ensure all partners are onboard with a poly relationship.


Educate them

If your partner or potential partner are new to the poly lifestyle, it’s important to educate them. There are two overarching areas of poly: Polygamy and polyamory. Which do you identify with? It’s also okay if you don’t want to label it. Education on poly lifestyles is important, and you can learn a lot by reading the articles section of the Sister Wives dating website. The most important thing, though, is that you explain what it means to you.

 

What we mean by that is, explain why you feel drawn to polygamy or polyamory. That answer, while it will sound different for everyone, probably won’t be “because my current partner isn’t enough”, and that is what most monogamous people are afraid of. They feel that by opening your relationship to another partner, you’re saying they aren’t enough for you. This clearly isn’t the case, so just be sure you’re compassionate when communicating with them about being (or becoming) poly.


Address the sigma around polygamy and polyamory

People are becoming more and more accepting of poly lifestyles every day. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean the stigma and bias poly people face has disappeared. Polygamist, polyamorous or otherwise multi-person marriages are illegal across the US as well as several other countries. Recently, there have been a few steps in the right direction, including the decriminalization of polygamy in Utah last year. Even more recently, Cambridge, Massachusetts, announced in March 2021 it will legalize domestic partnerships between three or more people.


Understand the history

While there is progress, it’s happening at a slow pace. For polygamy marriages, this is partially because of its association with religious groups such as Mormons and Muslims, and many feel the US should operate under Christianity. Some religion-based polygamists have pressured women into opening their marriage to sister wives.

 

While this is not and should never be something included in polygamy, it’s important to acknowledge it has happened to people in the past, and is currently happening to some people - mostly women - in other countries that practice polygamy. Modern polygamists have to understand where this bias comes from, because it shows how important consent is. This is a huge thing you should be prepared to discuss with your partner. If they aren’t on board with polygamy, you have to accept that. Even if that means you have to part ways.

Another reason poly marriages struggle with gaining legality: Taxes. There is an argument that multi-spouse marriages would give those households unfair advantages when it comes to paying taxes. Unfortunately, it is much easier for lawmakers to ignore the poly community rather than reform the current tax system in place.


Unpacking biases

Obviously, polygamous and polyamorous people don’t want to get married to cheat the tax system. While it would probably make filing easier, they want to get married because they have the right to be who they are. That, and the fact that partners who aren’t legally married don’t get the benefits that monogamous spouses have. For example, insurance companies and hospitals don’t have to recognize the marriage.

 

Plus, not many people know or understand why poly marriages are illegal, they just know that it is. Sadly, most people also don’t research things like this until it impacts them directly. So there’s a decent amount of people who look down on something they don’t really know anything about simply for the fact it’s not what they deem ethical.


Give them time

As we said at the beginning of the article, you can’t expect a partner or potential partner to jump on board right away. They may not be on board until months later, if at all. This is a lot of information to take in, after all.

 

If they express interest but want to learn more, then great! Use the section above to help you lead some honest and real conversations with them about why they’re hesitant. Don’t pressure them to give you a response by a certain deadline.


What if my partner freaks out upon me telling them?

Know that any big reactions stem from a place of hurt and/or fear. You have to be patient and show them you understand where they’re coming from. Be sure to spend some time preparing for the conversation both mentally and emotionally. Mentally, because you want to be prepared to answer their questions and explain to the best of your ability. Emotionally, because you may not get the response you want to hear.

 

It is possible that you could lose a monogamous partner or spouse by telling them you're poly. As hard as that would be, you deserve to live authentically. And so do they. If you can’t bring yourself to be monogamous and they can’t become poly, you will both have to move on. Because it isn’t fair to either of you to pressure the other into being something you’re not. It’s also unfair to keep something from a partner, so always be honest about who you are.


Utilize Sister Wives as a Resource

Whether you go into the poly dating world with a partner or alone, the Sister Wives dating website is here to help you along your journey. We’ve already mentioned our articles, but that’s not all we have to offer our members. Be sure to check out our member forum, where people who have been or are in your shoes ask and answer each other's questions, as well as support one another. You can learn more about other people’s stories by checking out member blogs, too. Whatever step of your journey you’re on, know that you’re not alone.









Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


Sister Wives How To: Talk About Changing the Rules


One of the defining characteristics of poly+ relationships is the amount of talking you have to do to keep things running smoothly. While most practitioners know how to handle the day-to-day (how are chores being divided, what’s the schedule for the week, where to have dinner out), conversations about changing the rules of the relationship can feel intimidating and complicated. After all, the potential for conflict increases exponentially with every additional person in a relationship!

 

But in order to keep any relationship healthy, it’s important to go deep every so often and make sure you’re all as happy as you can be together. (Keep in mind, this guide is written with the intention of helping people already in poly+ relationships, but the general principles can also apply to talking to your partner about trying the poly+ lifestyle.

 

  1. Reflect on What Your Deal breakers Are
    First, talk to yourself. Think about what you like and dislike about the way the relationship is currently structured, and what rules feel like a burden. Take some time before you have the conversation to envision your perfect relationship, both in the abstract and with the people you’re currently with.

    Then, journal or record voice memos about what makes you feel happy, alive, and motivated to be your best self. Consider if there are expectations from your partners or yourself (said or unsaid) that feel antithetical to who you are and want to be as a person and partner. If you’re unsure of where to start, try these prompts: “This is what happens on the days I feel happiest…”, “This is what happens on the days I feel saddest…”, and “I feel the most like myself when…”

  2. Schedule the Conversation

    When you feel ready to have the conversation, talk to your partners about it in advance. Schedule a time when you will all be most likely to be fed, rested, and calm. Try to make it a time when you won’t have to rush from or to anywhere, and when you’ll all have the opportunity to wind down afterwards, whether it’s together in a cuddle puddle, or solo with each of your thoughts. Offer the same prompts and practices you use to be prepared. Most people feel nervous when they hear the phrase “we need to talk” without context, so try saying something like this: “I love you and I want to make sure we’re taking care of each other in the right way. I’d like to have a conversation about how the relationship is working for all of us on [DATE] at [TIME]. Here’s something I’m thinking about so I’m ready for it, would you be up for trying it too?”

  3. Be Honest About What You Need

    At the appointed date and time, show up with your best self. Be ready to be open, honest, and vulnerable. Make sure to have snacks and drinks at hand so if the discussion takes a while, no one gets hangry (but you’re probably better off skipping alcohol or heavy drinking). Ensure everyone has an equal chance and time to talk (an egg timer or stopwatch on your phone works well for this). When it’s your turn to speak, don’t shy away from what you really need, whether it’s dipping into new bedroom activities like BDSM or group intimacy, or needing time to yourself on Thursday nights to catch up on your novel reading. The only way you get what you want is by asking for it with words.
     
  4. Approach Conflicts as a Team

    As you listen to your partners, use the mindset of listening to understand, rather than respond. You might find yourself having strong, immediate reactions, and the impulse to interrupt them if you feel they’re wrong. That’s perfectly human, but not necessarily perfect for the discussion!  Rather than interrupting, make a mental note or write down your reaction so you can talk about after they finish their thought. When you find you have a conflict of need or desire, problem-solve together. It’s you as a team against the problem, not against each other. Yes, sometimes you’ll find that your needs are incompatible, but it’s better to know and make a decision than burning out the relationship and each other.

Keep Talking

After the conversation, you hopefully have adjusted your relationship rules so they work beautifully for everyone! Even so, give yourself time to wind down and reflect. In the days and weeks following, keep talking to each other and adapting what you’ve agreed on as you apply the rules to everyday life. It might be clear that Thursday nights aren’t great because one partner needs the living room for their DnD sessions, but Wednesdays are perfect instead. Life changes your circumstances all the time, so keep the lines of communication open, and remember to celebrate when you make decisions that keep the relationship healthy, happy, and vital.










Published By: Christopher Alesich 

Matchmakers Inc: Sisterwives.com


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